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An old salt was standing in the dock charged with multiple counts of rape, sexual assault and indecent exposure. "How do you plead" asked the judge but received only a mumble in reply "Speak up man" thundered the judge at which point the defence barrister stood up and said "My lord, my client has an extremely sore throat and is having difficulty speaking" "would he like to suck a Fisherman's Friend?" enquired the judge "I doubt it my lord, I think he's in enough trouble already" replied the barrister.
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Oul scabby knuckles 
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried
Anything God didn't create was made by engineers.
I try so hard to make things idiot proof but they keep making better idiots 
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