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Old 3rd November 2017, 15:10
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John Rogers United States John Rogers is offline
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Older Men and Sex

The frequency of sexual activity of senior males depends on where they were born.

Statistics just released from Statistics Canada and The United Nations B.O.H. Team, reveal that:
North American, Australian, New Zealanders and British men between 60 and 80 years of age, will on average, have sex two to three times per week, (and a small number a lot more).

Whereas Japanese men, in exactly the same age group, will have sex only once or twice per year if they are lucky.

This has come as very upsetting news to a lot of us at the pub, as none of us had any idea that we were Japanese!
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Old 3rd November 2017, 16:37
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John Rogers United States John Rogers is offline
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RETIRED HUSBAND

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to
Target.Unfortunately, like most men; I found shopping boring and preferred to
get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves
to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter, from the local
Target:


Dear Mrs. Harris:

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion, in our
store.
We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to, ban both of you from
the store.
Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris, are listed below and are
documented by our video surveillance cameras:

1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other
people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute
intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the
women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code
3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money. We don't have a Code 3.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.

6. August 14: Moved a, 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers
he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why
can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror
while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the
clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while, loudly humming the,
'Mission Impossible' theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his, 'Madonna Look' using
different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled
'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a
fetal position and screamed;
'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES
AGAIN!'

15. Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where is the fitting room?

And last, but not least:

16. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile; then yelled very loudly, 'Hey!
There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed out.
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Old 3rd November 2017, 19:57
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Dartskipper United Kingdom Dartskipper is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by John Rogers View Post
The frequency of sexual activity of senior males depends on where they were born.

Statistics just released from Statistics Canada and The United Nations B.O.H. Team, reveal that:
North American, Australian, New Zealanders and British men between 60 and 80 years of age, will on average, have sex two to three times per week, (and a small number a lot more).

Whereas Japanese men, in exactly the same age group, will have sex only once or twice per year if they are lucky.

This has come as very upsetting news to a lot of us at the pub, as none of us had any idea that we were Japanese!
At a reunion of the Cutters Association* a few years ago, one old hand remarked to another,

"You remember that stuff they put in our tea during the War, to stop us having any "naughty" urges?"

"Oooh yes, wasn't it called bromide, or something?" his old shipmate replied. "Why do you ask?"

"I think it's just beginning to work."

*An Association of RN and RNVR crews who served in the USCG Lake Class vessels that were acquired on the Lease/Lend program.
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Old 11th November 2017, 04:47
Naytikos Cayman Islands Naytikos is offline
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Post 1: well I had no idea my activities were being monitored so closely; how did the agents manage to assimilate into this small island without someone noticing?

Post 2: I know the feeling but have always relocated to the nearest refreshment establishment before such aberrations came upon me.
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  #5  
Old 11th November 2017, 17:33
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John Rogers United States John Rogers is offline
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I walked into a drug store and asked to talk to a male
pharmacist.
The woman I was talking to said that she was the only pharmacist and as
she and her sister owned the store, there were no male employees.
She then asked if she could help me.
I said that it was something that I would be much more comfortable discussing with a male pharmacist.
The lady pharmacist assured me that she was completely professional and
whatever it was that I needed to discuss, I could be confident that she
would treat me with a high level of professionalism.
I reluctantly agreed and began by saying, "This is tough for me to
discuss, but I get erections every day that last more than four hours.
It causes me a lot of problems and severe embarrassment, and I was
wondering what you could give me for it."
The pharmacist said, "Just a minute, I'll talk to my sister."

When she returned, she said, "We discussed it at length and this is the
absolute best we can do”:

. . .. 1/3 ownership in the store,
. . .. A company car,
. . .. A king size bed and
. . .. £3,000 a month in living expenses.
DO WE HAVE A DEAL???
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  #6  
Old 11th November 2017, 17:35
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John Rogers United States John Rogers is offline
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The Russian Maid asked for a pay rise. The wife was very worried about
This
And decided to talk to her about the raise.

She asked, “Now Anna; why do you want more pay?”

Anna: “Well, Ma’am, there are tree reasons why I wanna increaze. The
First
Reason is that I am cleaning better than you.”

Wife: “Who said you are cleaning better than me?”

Anna: “Your husband he say so.”

Wife: “Really?”

Anna: “The second reason is that I am better cook than you.”

Wife: “Don’t talk nonsense !, Who said you were a better cook than me?”

Anna: “Your husband said.”

Wife increasingly angried: “Oh he did, did he?”

Anna: “The third reason is that I am better at sex than you in the
Bed.”

Wife, really boiling now and through gritted teeth asks, “And did my
Husband
Say that as well?”

Anna: “No Ma’am, the gardener did.”

Wife: “So how much do you want?”
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  #7  
Old 12th November 2017, 00:04
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Dartskipper United Kingdom Dartskipper is offline
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A fellow goes to see his Doctor about an embarrassing problem.

"What's the trouble?" asks the Doctor.

"I have this strange reaction every time I sneeze, and it's getting a bit hard to deal with all the time."

"Yes? So how can I help you?"

"I'm not sure Doc, but every time I sneeze, I get an erection."

"So, that isn't so bad is it?"

"No, but every dozen or so sneezes, I have an orgasm. I'm getting exhausted."

"Oh, I see. Have you been taking any over the counter remedies for this problem?"

"Yes, I have. I buy some every week, and it's costing a small fortune now."

"Oh dear, what are you taking for it?"

"Snuff."
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