Come, come, Sir W, you must have heard of a brothel that does half board, surely!

So, do I gather that when we get to Lima, all you lot are going to visit the museums, art galleries and cathedrals?? Right. :angel::angel:

Lima has the reputation of having a very Popeish population, I'm hiding in the bilges until departure. Me and the two little feckers have laid in a stock of Snickers and nail varnish remover. Did the locals invent potatoes or was it tobacco and the females all have yellow and brown teeth. What a shower.

What is that awful pong from the ER vent? Smells like someone's set fire to a potato.

AS Corporal Jones is wont to say "don't panic" the aroma is simply Paddington Bear brewing a batch of his special marmalade. :thumb:

He should be careful It may turn his little yellow teeth brown.

He's not from Lima, he's from Darkest Peru, which I believe is near the Port of Iquitos. He could be in town to meet the Clarksons and if BB and FJ meet him in a Speakeasy they shouldn't bring him on board because pip, Squeak and Wilfred will tear him apart and eat his marmalade pieces. A right bloody mess in the engineroom, that Silver Shred gets everywhere and is uber-sticky.
And Od Time Irish marmalade is every bit as effective as Locktite, Araldite or Pritt Stick.

I would hope that our propulsion system of undeclared and unimaginable horse power (the Operator's Manual only states that "Horsepower is Adequate...") is held together with something more tenacious and durable than Pritt sticks.

I am sorry to say I mugged a rather wet little chap who approached me in one of the dark alleys with a reprehensible suggestion (I refused to stick my hand in his sticky pot) and I now have a very smart duffel coat, slightly tight round the chest, not badly worn, ideal for bridge work in colder climates.

Odd time Irish Marmalade? Odd because its made of potatoes I suppose. (I have an expert in this topic at my table tonight I will get the SP then - depending on how well my cooking of the universal Irish vegetable turns out).

Have you guests in for a feed of spuds? Could the budget not stretch to a few scallions to make a pot of champ, https://youtu.be/zPkfjGnn6cg
An afternoon with rod and line could put a couple of herrin on the table, a nice treat. The trouble with spuds is the anxiety to try and pair them with a good wine or frothing ale, buttermilk is not conducive to unenforced gaiety. But your guests, probably of the female kind, tend not to linger and you wonder why you invited them in the first place.

Spuds only part of feast. They got panned for being not Irish (two ladies of that rebel nation present) however the roasting of them (along with the pork cauliflower cheese, cabbage) received adequate praise from all quarters. I was trying to get rid of last years Christmas cake too as I need the plate for this years. They were all relatively long lingerers although the Irish contingent did leave less late than others. Degree of late can be determined by the time stamp on this post. Tatty bye.

Surely, my good men, if we clean the old mash out of the Scotch Boiler, with all these spuds we seem to have hanging around, we should be able to distill a passable Vodka?? :pint:

Absolut Tom, Absolut ly as they say in Scandinavia. If we had some grapefruit or limes or vanilla or even mandrins we could mask the taste of spuds and end up with a premium product. The ladies of the Andes will be clamouring over the rat-guards to get sippers.


ps Tom, I don't expect Mr V to post until Friday at the earliest, rumour has it he overindulged whilst discussing Brexit into the early hours.

We could even distill a supply of Poteen....for bottling...as a nice jesture to Pilots of course

I think passable vodka from potato is poteen. Don't disguise the flavour it's what the Hibernian rebels appreciate most. Those appreciating the vintage cake wondered if I had tried using it instead of rum and brandy I usually use to undesiccate the fruit before baking. Are they mad I asked, the oven's gas!

(For those that also think rum and brandy in the proximity of a naked flame carries a risk I have been prudent enough to site a fire station next to McDonald's)

What a novel idea -- distilling poutine ( http://labanquise.com/en/poutine-history.php )

French Canadian Vodka with beef and cheese overtones. :pint:

Chips, peas and gravy.

Why are we proposing to distil and consume Rotgut, at our age the old tum has difficulty handling this liquid which varies between Fire Water and Piss Water. Let us sell it to the locals and then buy blue chip spirits for ourselves. A good drinks cabinet should contain Gordons Gin, Smirnoff Vodka, Dark Rum from Martinique, Bushmills Whisky, Medicinal Brandy and Advocaat for our female guests. A selection of Schwepps are the only acceptable mixers, Fever Tree will not be let up the gangway and anything with Elderflower in the description will not be let in the Dock Gates.
We can now put a big neon sign on our boiler and evaporator, Distilled For Export. We could be in line for a Queens Award for Industry, BB, FJ and Lord V ( Hereditary ) can go to the Royal Garden Party to pick up the award. Tmac can go as Liaison Officer as he is almost a local around Buck House. We await the Invite.

Exd Neon signs? I think not. Talk about hazardous atmospheres, that dish-Quebecoise cannot be but encouraging of "l'air colonique".

I am going to move lecky's workshop up by the forward cocktail veranda. It's not just that Mrs.V wouldn't like her little boy that close to well engineered accident but the smell would put one off the post prandial Irish coffee.

One can tell that ES is the new boy around here. Usually our lady guests, and our female crew members are seasoned quaffers of well chilled Dom Perignon.

Also, if it is quality spirits you require, Farmer John in his position of Chief Steward can supply any fine liquor you can imagine. (And probably a whole lot more that you have never heard of.) :)

New boy or not I'm not going to be put in my box by some old fart because he, or she, has 4 rings on their sleeves. I am unanimous in my belief that the Pub Landlord is correct when he says that a glass of white wine or a fruit-based drink is sufficient for a lady‘,
I just can't get my head around the nonsense of filling slappers with Chilled DOM when they are enticed up the gangway of our oul rust bucket, berthed at a derelict wharf. Jesus Christ have we lost our marbles. This could be my Domnic Rabb moment.

The Golden Dreamer II is certainly no rust bucket. More a slightly tarnished platinum silver ingot, not unlike the more worthy members of her crew. (The domestics are mostly cheap brass and chromium plated bling, that's why they are known universally as the Plasticos. They're good at recycling stuff, too.)

ES, please report to my office for the re-fantasising as your previous inoculation seems to have worn off. Your reality is showing really badly.

Rust bucket? Derelict wharf? Slappers?

The 2018s are getting through to you.

Referring to your post #4059, since when has Advocaat been a fruit based drink?? I always thought that was something you poured over your bacon in the morning, arriving at the normal bacon and eggs.??? :bye:

Be careful my friend, Tmac, in his position as chief ginger beer has four rings on his sleeves, and if it really is a pharting contest you want I'm sure he will blow you out of the water. :chuckle:

You mean 'bubble him out of the water', surely? What will they be doing in the water anyway? Do we have a hole somewhere you are not telling us about? Perhaps I will move my workshop back nearer the lifeboats.

A fruit based drink is anything in a glass that does not contain alcohol. (Smart arsed comments not welcome).

Any glass on the GD II that does not contain alcohol is not classified as a drink.

If you have such a thing at hand, go water the potted plants in Mary's greenhouse. :yawn:

Had a wee peak into Marys greenhouse and it resembles the Plateau de Matto Grosso, many areas could do with a wee trim, indeed a modified Brazilian. We lack the female touch in so many areas and it's is patently obvious that many of our shipmates behaviour and comments are tending towards coarseness. HR Department please take note.

If you touch any growing thing in the hort and ag departments you will kill it, and that will not be good for you. You are Engine Serang, I am Farmer John. If you think oil and water don't mix, you wait till you have had a few spadefuls of soil in your lubrication systems.

Exactly as I said, " It is patently obvious that many of our shipmates behaviour and comments are tending towards coarseness".

E-S is obviously suffering from Irish Potato starvation. Rather like Henry's firebox before the Fat Controller had it enlarged, the mash with E-S's bangers must be Irish just as Henry's coal had to be Welsh.

(I suppose we might let the Fat Controller have a go at him but don't let him in the green house or it will be Irish spuds in every pot).

Now, if I told you to bugger off, that is coarse, simply explaining the dangers of interfering with our plants of robust growth is a matter of courtesy.

Did you hear about the fellow that couldn't spell ???

Spent the whole weekend in a wharehouse. :)

Surely he must have had other cognitive impairments as well. A weekend amongst mixed cargo would not be that enticing, even if he expected a godown.

Right and correct FJ.
Last week I missed tiffin and nearly sobered-up, a dangerous state. Hallucinations set in and I began to fanaticise about normality, equally dangerous. Had a few (many) scoops with T and V and am now back on the rails. That gripitini is a powerful aphrodisiac. Steward!!!!!

Put that steward down at once! They split very easily. I must have put something queer in the mash for that batch.

But it's not bad at all. I say. That one's winking at me.

It always happens when you put some Swedes in with the potatoes.

The bloody Swedes will drink us out of house and home. Let's turf all the males off. The Ladies don't drink quite so much but have the habit of pissing in the cabin sink! Blondes have more fun, apparently.