Photographs in todays Sydney Tatler of Lord V and Tmac on a Norfolk Beat with Prince Harry and the stunning Ms Markle, a pair of toffs. Gongs are guaranteed.


Would it be remiss of me to suggest Mr Jeffers be promoted to Chef? McCloggie has been less than Michelin and I am spending more time with my pants around my ankles than around my waist. There's more saveloys in our STP than there is in the East End.

While you lot have been stuffing your faces with Mince Pies and other seasonal delights Squeek Eric and I have installed under a cloak of secrecy our new 'nantomic injuns which will produce enhanced stealth capability. Because of this each crew member will require an elctro...eletric.... eletcro.... one of those tracker thingumaies to be inserted into their person. The location is your preference but I would suggest the stern orifice would be less painful and possibly rather enjoyable !!!! they do vibrate at a satisfying frequency specially recommended by Varley. :jester:

I'm off to the New Year party in my funnel suite if I can find the bloody thing as I've lost my tracker. I farted and it flew over the rail :(

Can I have my tracker inserted into my left testicle. It is in Bradford Infirmary, at least that is where I left it in 1968.

Only faulty ones vibrate. Don't fret however as I have ordered a job lot of seconds so should be able to find a jockey for every horse. You will have to do without me to measure you up, though, one can never quite be sure there doesn't remain a hint of brown on the nose after furkling in those nether regions and that is not a flavour I intend to introduce to the dining table.

I think it's time to call in the professionals:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W2gABYTmXos

I'll have mine in the Scrotal Sac, Vibration in thast area could prove to vbe beneficial at my age.

Somewhere adjacent to the cardio vascular region please. I was diagnosed with an erratic pulse many years ago, so the vibrations may help regulate it at times of extreme stress, such as a visiting young lovely perching her posterior on the big Red Button when being shown around the bridge and chartroom. The last time it happened, we were still moored alongside. The residents of the port were perplexed when they woke up to find themselves now resident in Madagascar. :confused:

That console will have to be modified. Kongsberg angled the unencumbered surfaces so that coffee cups could not be perched thereupon. GD's Naval Arcs did better, shot glasses and pint mugs are similarly denied a resting place. The must have forgotten to site the BR Button so that it did not encourage didloesque experimentation. A riding squad has been sent for to rectify the matter. It is to be resited on the deckhead beside the compass periscope.

What is a coffee cup??? There's none on this ship.


Have you ever heard FJ, BB or DS looking for a Macchiato or Skinny Latte with or without a double shot of vanilla? No you have not. Tmac has been known to use it as release oil when Eric sniffed all the WD40 and I have been known to have a glass of black with a small Jameson in it to hide the taste. But coffee as a beverage, in a cup, Never. You're departing 2018 on a low note.

I only said GD was proofed against spilled shot glasses and pint mugs. For all I know, were we to be licensed to serve coffee the interior of the console would be awash with spilled coffee in much the same way as the duty engineer is awash with paint remover should he attempt to answer the bridge voice pipe. You will note how skillfully those are arranged below - no egress in way of essential gubbins. One does need to be careful of the one engineered to allow a fart based response to a bridge hail. All that Black Bush may have cause an airlock at the bend resulting in a blowback hazard (probably as painful as a vindaloo moderated to criticality by Guinness only the directional vector is advanced by Pi radians).

Squeek, you long tailed bugger, cut along like a good chap and fetch my "British Thornton" slide rule. We cannot let these radians get the better of, off, us.

Not the Radians, and the Mekon.

I seem to remember, if you sang they couldn't understand what you were saying.

Are you lot all singing?

I don't think Dan Dare ever came up with the Radians but the Mekon's little saucer certainly had 2 Pi of them.

We'll only sing if you put something in our tin.

Happy New Year
 

Happy New Year you gang of ruffians !!!!!! :cat::cat:

Ruffians!!!...I'll have you know we resemble that!

Happy New Year guys and gals.

Tommy HNY, your link is of poor quality, it appears to be a light music combo and more suited to the Palm Court than to a hippy-hippy steamship.


Note to aall my shipmates, ideas will have to be bucked-up if contracts are to be renewed, we are looking for innovation and revolution not stagnation and ossification, be warned and afraid.


Holyfuckballs my hied is birling aroun, Tmac's Jungle Juice digestif has given me terrible nightmares and an awful dose of the trots, more Andrex steward, Jaldi-Jaldi. And send for the Topaz his little bucket of cloths is needed.

In the short term that is not pretty, but in the long term it is probably better than a dose of something else. :supercool: :supercool:

Happy New Year.

I take it there will be the usual bonus for having done both Christmas and the New Year onboard?

Cooking brandy and below-stairs port. 50/50. Pint glass. Guaranteed to arrest trotting (overdosing might, however, bring on crawling).

I was going to say that we aren't Russian, then I read it again.:confused:

Happy New Year to all shipmates.

Hic.:pint:

we have been known to be russian Dartskipper. Russion out of a port after a raucus run ashore...LOL

Certainly some of our drinking habits are rather Russian. Always scared that the stuff will evaporate before it is consumed.

you saying that reminds me. I still have a few cases of 150 proof Vodka in my liquer store.
Might be fun to mix some in a fruit punch or even in the tea urn heh heh heh

Float out in one hour lads. We have a mooring till we sail in Darling Harbour Tom. Couple of handy bars there I am told.

Tmac is looking for an industrial degreaser for the engineroom bilges and he wants considerable quantities. Do not give him any strong vodka as it will traverse his kidneys before reaching the bilges. I am already quite nauseous thinking about it.

Looks like I reported back for duty just in time. Darling Harbour is is sir!

Easy transfer there from the dry dock.. Ship inspection shows an excellent standard of work both on deck, around the hull and below.

I have alerted the local SS (Sydney Sheilas) where we're headed. They sound like a fun bunch as they beat the Roedean Girls in field hockey last year.

Time for a welcome back libation to clear the mind. :pint:

A welcome back libation sounds like an excellent idea.
Lets all gather in the PAX lounge. First round is on me.

ES young man if you paid more attention to your duties in the injun room you will know we already have an industrial de-greaser. His name is Tetrachloride Wallah and he spends his time licking all moving parts clean. Apparently when on shore leave his tongue is in much demand by the ladies of the parish :big_tongue:

First Christmas curry taken last night. 5 guests balked at having sprouts included but there is quite sufficient left for me to add those before the second fermentation.

(Guinness obviously maintained at minimum safe curry distance to avoid criticality).

I am not sure we should not simply sign on an extra sougee whallah. I understand Tetrachloride is now in a band.

Is there 4 of the buggers?

There may be four of them. As to their taste for brown sex, I know not.

(But should I catch a performance I will advise accordingly).

Weren't they previously the Carbonniers? Or was it the Bleach Buoys? Anyway, I did hear they were a fairly clean bunch, with an ethereal quality of atmosphere when performing in a large accumulation of the Great Unwashed. I also heard they were incapable of conducting any group of electrical instruments, eg guitars, melotrons, synthesisers or live junction boxes. (Or was jive luncheon boxes? This Russian solvent doesn't seem to be entirely suitable for human consumption.) :confused:

It's the finish of damson fruits and ripe greengages that fools the unwary. If it is distilled on the Eastern slopes of the Urals the yak manure can be ammonia heavy and lingering and the conny-sewer must add salt of which there is an abundance in Siberia. Remember the old school mnemonic; Acid plus Alkali gives Salt plus Water.

The Urals at school were very cold in the winter. Something to do with having a tiled concrete floor and walls. The graffiti was very educational though, especially the practical advice, for example, "If you are reading this up here, your shoes are now wet."

It's no use standing on the seat,
The Crabs in here can jump six feet.

It's no use shiting from the door
The crabs on there jump six feet more
Jump six feet well that's feck all
In the injun room they're six feet tall. :eek:

Would all visitors to the injun room heads please do not throw their used matches down the pot, the crabs there can pole vault.:jester:

Some senior prefect had written on the bottom of the inside of a cubicle door;

Beware Limbo dancers...…….

DS. I don't know, old man, it sounds as if you were short a ceiling. Perhaps also proof against that prefect whose message may have been a subterfuge.

Next one to pour a message down to the control room should add some Keatings powder between each bottle.

More graffiti: ----- Don't throw your fag ends in the urals, it makes them wet and soggy, and hard to light! :bounce:

Welcome aboard, girls. -- Nice touch - skirts short enough to show a little creamy thigh above the black stocking tops. As a safety precaution would you please check all your hockey sticks and other weapons with the master-at-arms at the head of the gangway?

:brain::brain: