One excursion per annum, a Traveller does not make.
RO and the Glasgow Greeks on the CV leads one to believe there are spivish tendencies. And Crooked Mona is a strong indicator. Next time on the Mainland you could very well have your collar felt.

Tommy me oul China, between Shelia and her mates and our increasingly spivish Marconi Man I want the lock on my Stateroom door fixed. Please have Chippy turn-to and do the necessary.
One lives in hope that Shelia may want a lock-in.

If you look at THE dinner photographs you will see that I wear a fondleproof collar. Actually to keep Ms TouchyFeely off me at Friday lunch but one can never be too careful in a cellar surrounded by sailor boys (even gentleman plumbers) especialy as the wine's 'included'.

Get his collar felt? Why should there be favouritism?

I had a felt collar once but it brought my neck out in a rash :balloon: which reminds me I was in a large drapery store with the Memsahib who asked the shop assistant "can you get felt here?"... "well madam you can just take your chances like the rest of us" :jester:

wassat that noise?... who, what...half past four...oh err I feel all queer again... whooo hooooo.... where's that Arab wallah when he's needed, Mustapha Nap :yawn:

Any more of this and you will get to feel the back of my hand. Form a queue, it is so peachy you lascivious beasts.

Is there something in the water?

Try and keep up, E S. We haven't had a Chippy since before you joined. We did have a regular door man, Jim Barnes, who not only looked after locks, but also squeaks, stuck hinges, misalignments, etc. Unfortunately Jim passed away some time ago.

Bottom line, you being a self professed wunder-injuneer you should have sufficient expertise to fix your own door lock. Without even seeing it, I suspect a small shifter and a can of WD-40 (My grandma used camphorated oil instead) should do the trick.

The camphorated oil when used on the bathroom door lock did tend to hide the otherwise obnoxious bathroom smells emanating from that compartment. :supercool:

Intelligence says there are lots of good bars in town --- should get together for an exploratory crawl. :pint:

My grandma used camphorated oil


My granny was a great believer in the use of bar-bedded wire.


Between the two of them I think I can secure my cabin although it will look like Long Kesh without the pong of jobbies.

If I find anyone practising camphorated lubrification on any of the electrickery there will be trouble. Probably of a type ill-lit, loud, blue, hot and smelling ozoniferous.

Ah yes the good old Pub crawl. Count me in on that mate. I'll wear my going ashore wrangler gear

Billy a word in your shell-like;


Wrangler is for painting the Fore castle, John Collier for going ashore.
Little wonder your strike rate is so dismal, a sharp suit and you will put George Clooney under pressure. A rub of polish on the shoes will help. We will make a dandy of you yet, believe me.

John Collier? Dear me no. Wide lapels to the jacket, 2 inch wide turn ups on the trousers, garish pin stripes? We can't have the owner masquerading as a pox doctor's clerk.

Better send him to Austin Reed, or Hepworth's. :supercool:

Billy Boy the owner!!!
We better take him to Man at C&A.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wAbbcUu0ljE


I threw all my sweaters overboard a few trips ago. Never had one of those leisure suits cum track suits though.

I've seen his record of employment. Sir William, your handwritten labels are still a masterpiece. Masquerading? Pah!

You should see the gold embroidery on his bright red silk boxers! (So I am told.) :)

Had those embroidered by a lovely lady in Manila.

As Chief Injuneer I have quite an extensive wardrobe.... mind you there is feck all in it but it's quite extensive all the same.

For formal evenings or "on the pull" one has ones evening boiler suit, going ashore attire is a clean white one, coupled with a hint of HFO behind the ears. Pub crawls on the other hand require paint, grease, oil impregnated and filthy boiler suit with skid marks and WD 40 spots. When dining in the hofficers mess, ragged and grime impregnated skiddies are quite sufficient especially when partaking of Brown Windsor soup or curried leftovers. :big_tongue:

Tmac, look behind you, is it a witch being chased by a lion? Oh, no, it is that young lady who went missing at our last port pursued by by the Galley moggie.

That's the two names the police were asking for! We are harbouring a pair of rampant Injuneers, they will Roger anything and any one.

That, of course, refers to Injuneers and not to the two named above specifically.

Just make sure you have your back to the wall and NEVER bend over when there is an "R" in the month.... whoooooo hooooo :chuckle:

Ah Plastico!...Here, take this rag and go below and polish the Golden Rivit. Tmac will tell you where it is.

Should take a can of "Globbo" along with him too. :bounce:

Shurly a pair of ramshackle engineers. Rampant indeed.

T, you keep forgetting you left Kelly's coal boats many years ago. We do not have Brown Windsor Soup, Chef makes a tureen of Potage a la Marron Chateau a proximite Heathrow, and bloody good it is.

I've got us another job. Taking on a bulk cargo of sand for Hawaii -- theirs keeps getting washed away in storms. Nice clean stuff, not radio-active, but will have to rig shifting boards in the main hatches. Not going to get filthy, stinking rich, but will pay for our trip to Hawaii. Docking at the naval pier on Sand Island to discharge the cargo then reserved berth in downtown Honolulu. :hippy: :hippy:

I'm not having anyone, and that includes the Chief, parading down the Injun Room in grass skirts. Far too much moving machinery. It happened the last time and we are stilled scarred by the sight of Tmac's dangly bits and pieces. I'm wearing welding goggles.

The agent has just dropped E--S back after a trip to the medics. He was invited back to our dilapidated sister vessel where he hurt himself dancing. Light duties for a week and no light fantastic till further notice I understand.

God one Tom. Honolulu here we come eh!

Heard a whole chorus of men singing

Sinne Fianna Fáil,
Atá faoi gheall ag Eirinn,
Buíonn dár slua, thar toinn do ráinig chugainn,
Faoi mhóid bheith saor, seantír ár sinsear feasta
Ní fhágfar faoin tíorán ná faoin tráill;
Anocht a théam sa Bhearna Baoil
Le gean ar Ghaeil chun báis nó saoil,
le gunnaí scréach, trí lámhach na bpiléar,
Seo dhíbh canáigh, Amhrán na bhFiann.

Then they appeared marching down the quay. Each had a wheelbarrow full of sand. Planks were rigged to the main deck and our cargo proceeded to load. I must admit this gang of stevedores are good (must be on piece work!) but it will be a day or three before we are down to our marks.

So relax, and enjoy as local maidens are starting to be attracted to our magnificent vessel with the palm trees on the garden deck, the "FREE DOM PERIGNON" sign on the pool deck (bathing costume optional in small print underneath) etc., etc. :jump: :jump:

Bloody Hungarians and their tuneless folk songs. Christ Almighty.

I thought we had sunk that feckin' thing !!!! I removed all the secret gubbins and oily bits before opening the seacocks and knocking feckin' great holes in the shell :shock:

Don't tell me after all these years Harland and Bluff actually did manage to make an unsinkable ship......... White Star will be pissed we didn't do that earlier:jester:

I think Tom had the macordiaphone running at the wrong speed or else the singer was puking his guts up in the heads :big_tongue: Last time I saw anything written like that a doctor made it into a prescription :hippy:

I disabled the demolition charges that had been set, a bunch of chancers were camping on the old GD.

I've reactivated them, set to blow 29th March. Signal to be the first person to mention a new date for Brexit after that time, so it is unlikely to be unduly delayed.

Actually, it is the equinox and International Happiness day, we deserve some fireworks.

BBBRRRROOOOOUUUUUUMMMMM


Oooh, that is pretty!!!!! I think I am a little deaf.

Well we recorded the Vernal Equinox at 21:58 UTC. And we celebrated that event with Pussers all round on the bridge. So, it is time to soon be heading for more Northern climes. We can start on our way as soon as our cargo is topped off. In the meantime, welcome aboard, ladies. Please join me for a cooling libation on the pool deck. :pint:

Why have we only got libation ladies visiting us? Only frustrates a fellow.

Pussies all round on the Bridge !!!!:big_tongue: whooooo hoooooo..... I think that bang Farmer John made has afetc..afftec...effetec.... hurt my ears :mad:

I'll have the blonde ones, they get dirty quicker :wink: