It's broken already.
Didn't last long - where was it made?

Mine was made in Glasgow, from girders and I'm welding patches on it twice a week. If Bob could post his witticisms between Monday to Friday it would keep the overtime costs down. Quality counts, more Frankie Boyle and less Julian Clary would cause less FSD's and bent pointers.
PS Delete "Bent" and insert "Damaged".

Your wish is my command:

"Bloody aliens coming down here and writing graffiti on things !!! Whey don't the get back up their own end of the spiral arm ? !!"

Anyone fancy a crisp?:

Resistance is futile. :sweat:

An old seaman is up in court charged with several counts of rape, sexual assault, lewd behaviour and drunkenness. The usher asks how do you plead and only receives a slight croak in reply. "Speak up man" shouts the judge. "Your honour my client has a very bad case of laryngitis and has lost his voice"... "well would he like to suck on a Fisherman's Friend?" enquires the judge to which the barrister replies "Do you not think he is in enough trouble as it is?"

An old seaman was in a restaurant when the waitress asked what he would like. "I'd love a quickie" he said and received a hard slap across the face. "Now what do you really want" asked the waitress "I said I'd love a quickie" to which he received and even harder slap. Deciding to give him one last chance she said "for the last time what would you like?" and again he said "I told you I'd love a quickie"... disgusted she stormed off to fetch the manager to throw the seaman out. As she left a customer at the next table who had observed all that had happened leant over and said "I think it's pronounced quiche"

One for the groan-o-meter:

Shoot me. I had to think about it.

It is groan-o-meter joke ... but it made me laugh.

I think that rabbit is a hare. Broke my bollix laughing.

Be careful with that saw....

There is something about the kilt....

This panic buying is getting out of hand .....:sweat:

Bob, humour in short supply at the moment. Keep up the good work. What is the panic for toilet rolls? Does Corvid-19 attack your bum?

It's a mystery ... but just in case there's something in it ... make sure the pooch is properly trained, or you could lose the family treasure ... :D

Mrs. Ravioli comes to visit her son Anthony for dinner.
He lives with a female roommate, Maria.
During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty Anthony's roommate is.
Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Anthony and his roommate than met the eye.
Reading his mom's thoughts, Anthony volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Maria and I are just roommates.''
About a week later, Maria came to Anthony saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver sugar bowl. You don't suppose she took it, do you?"
"Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just to be sure." So he sat down and wrote an email:
Dear Mama,
I'm not saying that you "did" take the sugar bowl from my house; I'm not saying that you "did not" take it. But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.
Your Loving Son,
Anthony
A few days later, Anthony received a response email from his Mama which read:
Dear son,
I'm not saying that you "do" sleep with Maria, and I'm not saying that you "do not" sleep with her. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the sugar bowl by now.
Your Loving Mama
Moral:
Never Bulla Shita you Mama

Hi team check out,' the ballad of dunny roll,' for a bit of a giggle.

keep Anthony painting the Forecastle.

Wishful Thinking ?

Definitely, although Trump might go for it ... (dumb f***** that he is.)

A Playlist whilst stuck inside :quill:
1.Don't stand so close to me - The Police
2.Isolation - John Lennon
3.Closed for Business - Mansun
4.Living on my own -Freddie Mercury
5.Who wants to live forever - Queen
6.There's a kind of hush - Herman's Hermits.
7. Passing Strangers - Sarah Vaughn and Billy Eckstein
8.Alone Again naturally - Gilbert O'Sullivan.
9.We gotta get out of this place - The Animals.
10.I want to break free - Queen
11.Panic - The Smiths
12.Fever - Peggy Lee
13.It's the end of the world as we know it. - R.E.M.
14. Crazy - Patsy Cline
15.Don't Let it bring you down - Neil Young.

It's good news week?

American Idiot.

Ghost Town - The Specials
We will all go together when we go - Tom Lehrer

American Idiot - Green Day.

Tragedy. --Bee Gees

"Word Up" .... (although I'll admit, I'm being a bit dark and cynical.) :eek:

There'll be Bluebirds over the White Cliffs of Dover - Vera Lynn

Who do you think you are kidding Mr Virus - Cast and Company of Dads Army.

Greatest Hits, Double Album - George Formby.

When I am laid in earth - Purcell
My word! You do look queer - Holloway

My word! You do look queer - Holloway :thumb::thumb:

Plus:

DILLIGAF - Kevin Bloody Wilson

My word! You do look queer - Holloway :thumb::thumb:

Plus:

DILLIGAF - Kevin Bloody Wilson

There's a strong echo in here .... :eek:

I guess it must be the drink :pint:

Wouldn't that be reading double rather than writing double?

Did someone say double?
Don't mind if I do,
Make that an Armagnac

Now you are hearing double! I wish I was, the only cognac I can enjoy is out of stock and, outrage on outrage, I am told that its resupply is not considered essential freight. Added to that the newest distillery is to turn its hand from gin to making sanitiser. Probably not that disastrous a choice, I am told it tasted like diesel. |Fortunately I am well stocked with gin and am especially enjoying Tanqueray Sevilla with hot water. An excellent winter drink.

I had to Google Armagnac !!

Thus confirming my origins as a West Midlands lowlife ... who thinks people who drink 'sherry' are posh.

(VP Sherrry at that.)

(Touches forelock, but reloads musket.) :big_tongue:

Can I have the name of your GP please. Mine is always trying to stop me gargling anything alcoholic.

Not sure but there might be a difference between gargling and googling.
Perhaps in the former one spits it out and in the latter one swallows it hook, line and sinker.

keep your powder dry and your pan covered.