Better get on it ASAP. No matter what the lack of faith by the rest of the crew, we are still in Honolulu and it will be a bit snotty around the Horn at this time of year. Mind you, the lure of a sojourn in Buenos Aires at this time of year would not go amiss -- and Miami in the summer? - - but we would need to know the sex, gender and age of the proposed passengers -- not that we would discriminate of course !! (Might just affect the charge for transportation?) :)

just heard from the Agent Tom. Its a party of 28 females. We drop them off in Miami and they will fly back. Could be quite lucrative.

Sir William, it would be a pleasure, I am sure Tom would agree. If they don't want to fly back we could give them a lift, I am sure, unless they are on a tight timeline. We could wile away the time and keep them amused...

I am sure you are right Farmer John. However thats up to whatever the Agent can arrange. BA to Miami it is at the moment and we have 7 days to get them there. So, seven days of heaven methinks.

I assume you mean we have 7 days go get them from BA to Miami?? When does the 7 days start?? By a quick quesstimation it is somewhere around 7,600 miles to sail around the Horn to get to BA. Now the difficult I can do right away. Miracles take a little longer. But even at our normal RED button speed of 50 knots, it will take over 6 days to get to BA. The 7 days then to Miami is no sweat. That's only 7,000 miles further. (We'd have to consult with Tmac if Warp drive was needed !!)

Might I suggest that we rather offer the Agent a discount of 25% and contract to take 14 days from BA to Miami, (call it a young age discount if they are all under 30??)
:) :)

The passengers are merely described as 'females' so far.

Do we know whether they are 'girls' ; 'women' :kiss: :flowers: :applause: ; or 'biddies' :wave: ?

The answer may well affect the effort of the stokers enroute to BA.

I bags a biddy, they are so...……….. grateful.

Need to be in BA by June 5th (oh, my birthday).
My guess is that they are women YM. Agent still sorting out their itinary.

Who cares what they are classified as, just a slight leavening of the oppressive masculinity of the GD at present would be pleasant.

I tried the experiment of putting a lavatory seat down yesterday, I haven't the strength to hold it down anymore.

Wimin? did I hear you say wimin. Does that mean no farting in the saloon AGAIN!

Well, definitely no lighting them any more for a bit.

Agent confirms BA by June 5th. 28 ladies to Miami. Lay over for 2 days then load 15 ladies for a Photo shoot off shore for a day or two with a camera and film crew.
After that we proceed to Norfolk. VIP of US navy will board us for a conferance. we will anchor off shore for 2 days while they chat in Private. Best behavior at all times while they are aboard and repeat nothing you may over hear discussed!! (this job pays top dollar gentleman)
Tom can demonstrate docking and undocking without the need for tugs and fenders. They will all be dressed in civies as per admiralty order.
Whats that? Ah yes the Photoshoot... well ahem! they are topless callender girls from a well known magazine I am told.

.
BA by June 5 -- no problemo. We can hang around here like a bad smell for another couple of days (give the local girls a chance to express their gratitude?) then head for Puerto Montt in Chile looks like a nice spot with lots of bars. Then onto BA from there.

Of course we can congregate on the garden deck to discuss these arrangements - open bar on my tab. :pint:

"Of course we can congregate on the garden deck to discuss these arrangements"

Can we discuss who is responsible for letting Varley and Tmac eat pickled onions at dinner. Hide the pickled onions and we shant need explosion proof fittings in the saloon.

There may be a little bad feeling but that is preferable to a lot of bad odour. If that pair wish to trough let them trough in the lazarette not the Saloon. Then we and our guests will not be mortified and having to pretend they are boat people we rescued along the Spanish Main.

Young man if you think my breath is putrid you should experience one of my farts after eight pints of Guinness, half a dozen boiled eggs, two tins of baked beans and some garlic bread. The wall paper has been known to peel of the saloon bulkhead. Better still it renders nubile ladies unconscious and blanks their memories for at least 24 hours.

FYI for your information I never eat pickled onions, I just drink the vinegar.

Varley likes the pickled onions with those cheese bits stuck on a stick with those tiny sausages, but then again he is a refined gentleman, even wipes his hands on the curtains and says excuse me before he farts.

A refined Gent in the Isle of Mona is a different article to that on the Mainland. PS it's far from chintz curtains V was raised. Curtains indeed.

Explosion-proof is a general and imprecise, E-S. "Of an approved safe type" is a better specification. Please look at the nameplate of your engine room torch. Providing it has Ex e/Class I division II or 'better' type approval, shove it into your MYNAW or up your MBF52.

You have not responded to my hoist YL

"Oh hear us when we cry to Thee,
For those in Pirelli on the sea." ;)

Both T and myself are great believers in the Queens English, no need for fancy flag hoists or morse code. Mr Morse, Baden Powell and Their Lordships lost the run of themselves in the last century with their codes etc. All Johnny Turk and H E Johnny Kaiser needed to know was "We are coming to get you". No code needed. QED.

Just in the interests of clarification, is that Queens' Belfast, or Queen's College London, English Language? They look similar when written down, but sound completely different when spoke proper like wot I writ 'ere.

Oh dear ES, one message and that one of destruction. Is that what our civilisation is reduced to?

What of the Táin Bó Cuailnge?
What of the Book of Kells?
What of Cú Chulainn?

All reduced to a dull clattering of spanners?

So, you don't want for boiler water E-S. How did the Brightstar for the piles?

If you (should that be youse in HM's Belfastish pidgin?) think that wot you writ is writ proper then your writ don't run right here.

Here you go FJ -- simple solution:

QED - Queens English Demonstrated ?? :yawn:

Quaint Engineering Dialect.

As for your history: PLK AGY MXI AGDX (TURKISH, next group negative, SCREW-UP, GALLIPOLI)

.:
:applause::applause:

Sorry to be a rotten riter, but I fought I had ritten it ritely, not rongly. I fought youse wer finking of doze free yews over there, so we better get doze tree fellers from the pub to turn 'em into logs.

Aloha! All you lovely young ladies on the quay wishing to come aboard for a "going away" party. Please, welcome -- follow the duty officer (FJ) up to the pool deck and let the plastic stewards know what you would like to drink. Finger food to follow shortly. Here's to a lovely evening. :pint:

Fingers again! Any time the cook's ashore it's bloody fingers.

Ah memories :) many a pie I've had my fingers in, took liberal applications of WD40 to kill the smell of fish :supercool: All the same it's some cookie we have on board, fish fingers? jeeze I never even knew fish had hands :chuckle: and I really DO NOT want to know what part of the chicken he gets the nuggets :cloud:

All food can be prepared with the artists only using their feet if you wish, gentlemen. I'm not sure I would tell the ladies.

My stewards are capable of many dextrous tricks, the training is long and arduous. By the way, isn't WD40 fish oil anyway?

I don't know whether there is anything fishy about WD40, but I did hear somewhere that is was good for penetration ?? :cupid:

Tom, I really don't want to try it.

Yes, dear -- you would like to try some of our poi ------ well we have apple poi, strawberry poi, blueberry poi, rhubarb poi, pecan poi, and, if you have a heartier appetite, steak and kidney poi. Other than the steak and kidney all are available with copious quantities of ice cream, or whipped cream, or yogurt. :)

I trust that is Maori or performing poi. Images of the edible (?) poi suggest it is a dish finished off in a lower bowel, the enduring feature of which is a roughage balance incompetently managed.

"poi can be known as "one-finger," "two-finger," or "three-finger" poi depending on the consistency, alluding to how many fingers are required ..."

Thank you, I think I will have to decline.

Don't want my fingers in too many... orifices.

PC offline for a while. has to be formated and reprrog.

Noted Sir William. I have posted a steward outside your suite, at your call when you re-awaken.

We should sail for Puerto Montt tomorrow -- we can always tele-transport Sir William back aboard when he's healthy again. :)