Ahoy there! Permission to come aboard Captain? I see that not a lot has changed re quality of messages and use of The Queens English.

Welcome back Red. :flowers: Trust that you are well.
As you say, the tone of the place has not been improved by your absence.
When are you giving flu injections to those of us here in Oz?

Welcome back RED. Glad to have you with us again.
You are looking well. Ice cold Champers for RED please steward.

So glad to see you back Red. With one of the distaff side aboard, the level of immorality aboard should diminish at least a little.

With our crew members acting with reckless abandon when ashore, it would be wise to inspect our members' members --- ( I think I got the apostrostroke in the right place there? ) That can wait for a while though, as I have received no reports of anything dropping off yet. Flu' shots not necessary but would be a good idea to make sure everyone's measles, small pox, and yellow fever shots are up to date along with the complete alphabet of hepatitis vaccines.

Please come up and join us all on the pool deck -- Dom Perignon on ice up there. Nice Hawaiian music to relax by.

Hope you are feeling much better after your sojourn ashore?

Glad we hung around for an extra day so you could join us. Leaving for Puerto Montt in Southern Chile to morrow, en route to Buenos Aires to pick up passengers bound for Miami. Will be heading into the Northern hemisphere in time for summer.

Here's to your health --- :pint:

I do not know what sort of immorality that the lack of any wimin type people could possibly engender. What plasticos do when off duty is best left out of the log and I am sure is of no interest to the gentle reader here. Red's rejoining will no doubt improve out table manners and, with any luck at all, stop Tmac from drinking from the cuspidor.

Well to be perfectly honest, in my humble opinion, and of course without offending anyone who thinks differently from my point of view, but also looking into this matter in a different perspective and without being condemning of one's view and by trying to make it objectified, and by considering each and everyone's valid opinion, I honestly believe that I completely forgot what I was trying to say

Steward! another Bottle on the double.....Hic!

Red-17, you are here to start a new 5000 messages, and mightily welcome. When you are settled in, I will show you round the garden and then the company will join you in a little aperitif before we dine. I have high hopes that some pleasant conversation will ensue.

All the worst inspections have now been mechanised (quite a sensation), the new wide spectrum antibiotics have sorted the falling off of bits. You just need to sign a form for each of the personnel to say that they have been through the device and the job is done.

Welcome back and, fellows, try not to be quite so unpolished and perhaps Red will stay, who knows, we might even sign some more civilising influences.

All that hammering and clanging in the engine room must be Chief Tmac and ES tidying up and making a new "Welcome" mat for the door threshold. Nothing but the best stainless steel footwear scraping device for RED.

I wouldn't bet on that Dartskipper :( us injun room crew are NOT that accommodating however having said that RED is welcome at any time except when there is an "R" in the month. :chuckle:

4 out 12 ain't too bad? (Not unless you count days of the month with "R" in them too, kind of limits it a bit….) :hippy:

Welcome aboard, pilot. Relax in the recliner in the corner, order whatever you like; drink, food, or both from the steward, and then pay no attention to how we leave the harbour. (Oops, Sorry, Harbor !!)

Cast off fore & aft, let go the springs. Bow and stern thrusters engaged --- full ahead both. (Is that Sir William water skiing back there ??) :hippy:

Tom, if you let go the springs, it just means we will have to wind them up again before we can get to speed. Also, if we engage bow and stern thrusters and give them the beans, won't we just go round and round very fast?

If those thrusters were anthropomorphic you'd be talking dirty! Beans?

Only if we have them pointing in opposite directions -- mind you that might be a bit of fun, especially if we added flares fore & aft -- would look like a right proper pin-wheel in the harbour.

:)

The old brain box is a bit dickey, was Red a doctor or a dentist. I have a vague she was in the caring professions. A whiff of Calvin Klein will do us all a power of good.

Tom, excellent idea and great fun, but can we stop? Spinning for 24 hours is making me a little queasy, and I am rarely troubled by this.

I say. I have no objection to the types that like to sniff underwear of the athletic supporting variety but I think that sort of thing should be kept strictly private. As for smells lingering, can there be anything worse than the distinct taint of Anusol when the dentist asks you to open wide?

You need a new clack valve at the top end and a fu-fu valve at the lower end.
Always worth having a sniff of the skiddies, you might get an extra day out of them.

If it were from my fu-fu rather than the dentist's than that would be altogether less unacceptable.

Is that a laundry service you provide third party or is it strictly in-house?

Bucket of soapy water and the drain pipe from the boiler gauge glass in it. cleans all. All Mod Cons down below you know.

So while you're boiling E-S skiddies you can't determine the level properly?

(Should any of that get back does Drew have a treatment to prevent it rotting the screen tubes?)

I paused in way of the injunroom fiddly and caught a huge noxious whiff of hydrogen sulphide. I thought for a moment that some terrorist had introduced this poisonous gas aboard to do away with us all, when I realised that it was Tmac's turn to stand watch. :(

There were two missing from the curried egg and sprout sandwiches left out for me last night. Now we know where they went.

The "sprout" variety would, of course, be of the metric cabbage variety ?? They'll do it to you every time. Roasted Brussels in garlic getting to be all the rage for a lunch special in this neck of the woods. :bye:

Definitely the sub-metre brassica. If one needs to bugger them about than crispy bacon and chestnuts serve well. For a dare, or so we thought, we did competitive sprout pickling last winter (mine did not win) we had thought it the most unlikely new comestible to the table. Not a bit of it. There are dozens of recipes. One of the competitors has had his accepted for novel bar snacks (but then the publican also got into hot water over advertising hedgehog en croute).

Damn you metal manglers, I can't follow all this technical talk.

Red-17, would you care for a walk through the gardens, everyone else is being gross.

I am not 144 --- I'm only 80 (somewhere about 21 in my head -- if only the rest would follow !!):bounce: :bounce:

Picking up the pilot for Puerto Montt -- berthing alongside the cruise ship dock. Never been here before so the natives should not be unduly hostile. :)

Varley tells me that after 10 pints the natives are always hostile towards you.
And I believe him.

Depends on whether I had them buy, or not. :)

Quietly alongside -- Exploratory bar crawl starts in 30 mins. Perhaps would be cost effective to hire a local guide?? Are, here's a gentleman who seems well acquainted with the local hostelries. :)

Yes Tom, let's get him out of the gutter and cleaned up a bit. Check him for a wallet. He seems to be pointing at that place with "Ruby's Rough house" over the door, the one where a piano just came flying out the window, complete with stool and pianist. I think we should get a drink there. Don't take his boots... Oh, they are quite good and they fit.

The night beckons...

"Ruby's Rough house" must be near "Ruby's Chop Suey" on Hessle Road. Your navigation is suspect or V is still buggering about with his infernal Lightening Machine up in the rigging. Tmac calls it the Van Der Varley Generator, droll or what?

A lightening machine! My doctor would love me to use one of those (not sure if an infernal one would not be a rather painful way of slimming). Tmac should be able to tell the difference between Van der Stephie generator and a Wimshurst machine by now. One has balls and the other not and neither are safe to bugger, so I am informed. Any fizzing in the rigging is not down to me.

Right you scurvy lot have really extracted the urine and I'm not happy.... further if any of you jokers ask "which dwarf are you then?" be prepared to eat your meals through a straw. :really_mad:

Why am I so pissed off?... someone thought it funny to open the sluice valves into the injun room.... yeah feckin' hilarious: Up to my oxters in water and not helped by Squeek and Eric performing synchronised swimming past the control platform. :mad:

When I get the compartment pumped out and those two miscreant rodents dried out...have you ever smelt damp rat and squirrel fur? :big_tongue: I shall come among you and point out the error of your ways...........:yawn:

I should be careful what you do , even in the privacy of your sleeping cabin, dwarf tossing attract an awful lot of politically correct brick throwing, chaining of wimin to railings etc.

Are you saying anything below the middles is going to do mega-badly until you mop it up (see what I did there? Small Leckie-joke as opposed to small-Leckie joke which it can't be).

Well of course I have, it takes me back to my old grannies coat (not actually her pelt, but, you know?). A walk round Harrogate in the rain and then, that smell all the way home on the bus.

Harrogate in the rain, the tears are streaming down my cheeks. Why did I ever go to sea?

reminds me of a packed bus on a rainy day day in Brighton Farmer John. a smell that sticks with you forever.