What a spiffing name for the Sparks, "The Telegraph Boy". Demeaning but not actually abusive.
You should Post more often, DS.

"Not of the deck department" - some sort of rock dodger, unspecific put-down?

E-S, use that when you want to 'phone home and spifflicating will be nearer the mark.

Are you talking of the good-ole-days when Sparkey would persevere on the VHF trying to raise some godawful coast station and plead to be patched in to Portishead or Portpatrick or Wick, yes Wick wherever the hell that is, to connect to British Telecom or was it the GPO. Happy days, and expensive days.
BTW are you still flogging Vernons Pools?

Were that the way I done it you'd've been entitled to your Gold Franc back.

I have never cheated at the pools!

Each department has its own traditions and long established practices. Sadly in these more collaborative and democratic times, the differences have become somewhat amalgamated. F'rinstance, in my Dad's days at sea as an apprentice in 1938, he was quietly informed by the Mate that oil and water never mix, and he shouldn't fraternise with the engine room personnel. When I got to mess about in small passenger craft in the 1970's I was Master and Engineer. When on deck, I was the deck crowd. When down the hatch, I was chief grease monkey. I tried to keep the two activities apart, but I'm afraid it may have started the mild schizophrenia. :confused:

Ask the Admiral, he will know.

Navigation and Screaming Jimmies should never be mixed I was told.....LOL

LOL

LOL 243 Star of Broughshane.

Your first lodge I presume. :chuckle:

Not a patch on the Rising Sons of Ahoghill :thumb:

If you aren't from Norn Iron pronouncing Ahoghill should prove challenging :D

Trying to find it can also be challenging. I once set sail for Ahoghill and ended up in Cullybackey; Tom-Tom, Garmin, Ecdis or Sextant was of little use. A detour on the canal via Moneyglass helped pick up a lane on the Decca Navigator and all was well.

Sir William, both the Navigation and the Screaming Jimmies are mixed, just inter and not between.

Can anyone tell me when we docked in Belfast? Our occupant of the stocks seems to be going a little homesick and his maunderings are spreading through even the best of our crew.

Sir William, any little messages you would like us to run? Preferably easy to fulfill and very lucrative.

Two Brixham trawler skippers were overheard arguing on VHF. One was convinced he had right of way over the other because he was following a green line on the Decca chart, and the other was on a red line. (As told to me by Bob Ould, trawler owner of Torquay.)

Navigation isn't always what it is assumed to be.

It is not the geography but the physiology. It is, probably, easy to enunciate when the uvula has been bathed in potato spirit since childhood. Whether therapeutically recommended or otherwise. In the same way as Featherstonhaugh rolls effortless from the tongue if you are from Cholmondeley

Have a word with Tom FJ. He has a direct sat phone line with the agent now. Any jobs for us then Tom will be the first to know.

The ladies will not be pleased with their private parts being mentioned in plain language, Varley should be sent to his cabin directly after supper. A few days of this treatment will remind him of what Nanny told him about Gentlemen and Manners.

Aye I agree...whatever he said :big_tongue:

Anyhoo what's a lady with a Volvo got to do with it?

Nanny (the late Miss Eva Goring) would have been horrified to think that Master David would have then been thinking of lip-uvula clearance (or beyond even) and Torricelli. And no more was he.

However the little beast might, even than, have known that it was an above the belt thing and not to do with 'down there' as E-S implies.

Why is did FJ have to shout at Sir William to get an answer, has the willie-screaming done for his hearing aid?

Any one expecting a man called Denis driving a red Volvo? He is waiting on the quay.

Call for Denis in a Volvo.

My hearing is fine, I am not the shouter, I am the shoutee.

Denise with a red vulva??? thats no good Tmac prefers black bushes

Shirley has had a 2 year break, is this a record?

Shirley Knott?

Stewards!! lay up at the pool bar for a party. Its Tom's Birthday so make sure theres plenty of Black Bush in Stock.

Happy Birthday Chief Tmac. Have a good one

Ah come on lads, a wee cake and a bottle of cheap white from Aldi is just not good enough.
Tom, or Old Tom as I call him, designed and built the Titanic and deserves a tray of wee nibbley bits and a cake made from multiple M&S Apricot Swiss Rolls, his favourite. Drink will be rationed as these battery wheelchairs can cause havoc as evening turns to night.

Many Happy Returns Tom and lang may your lum reek.

ARE YOU SURE ABOUT THE HEARING Sir W?

Eh??? my case not up till next month.

Thank you shipmates, you have made a happy man very old..LOL

Drinks are on me in the lounge..... ONE drink, I'm a poor injuneer y'know.

Relax and enjoy your party Tmac. All is on my tab mate...... CHEERS!!!

I heard Tmac very clearly. Race you to Birthday boy's single drink.

Tmac, the plasticos have been making little nibbly bits and decorating the Tiki bar for ages, very happy birthday.

ES, I have recently acquired at a scandalously low price ( less than £3.00 with postage) Tmac's colouring book and photo album of the Titanic, it is a wondrous thing. Better than an "Eagle" annual. My granny mitched of school to watch the beast being launched, she asked politely for permission for the school to go, they said "NO" so she went. She never changed, a strong woman with a streak of intolerance.

A very happy birthday indeed, Chief. It is so kind of you to buy a drink for the crew and staff of Golden Dreamer II, but could you stretch the expenditure to a box of straws as well so that we can all taste it?

Super!

Best wishes Tmac from one down below (in Oz).

Fire Brigade standing by in case the candles get out of hand.

Hey Ho and up she rises, Hey H...…
FFS YM will you shut up and go to sleep. The party's over 2 days ago.
Bloody Colonials.

I say! Pot and black, old bean, what?

I spent the last weekend marching round and singing "The last man left alive", then you all came back. Very disappointing.

Singing! I have been looking for a fault in the talkback since Saturday.

Well -- sorry chaps -- away for a road trip followed immediately by 3 weeks camping with restricted internet coverage. Since back have been diagnosed with highly likely esophageal cancer subject to two more tests. Medics in a hurry to set them up so not looking good.

I am disappointed, however, that my Russian spy is still aboard and waiting to get to St. Petersberg. I am pleasantly surprised to find out that the spy is actually a very nice looking, well endowed young lady -- disguise was excellent -- very misleading. She is comfortably billeted in my quarters, so no particular hurry to leave Belfast which is where everyone seems to think we are.

Last but not least, "HAPPY BIRTHDAY, T MAC !!" Here's looking at ya. :pint:

TA you're made from granite.

Are we in Belfast, I doubt it. The last time we were there the Tmac Clan came on board and drank us out of house and home. And the language! When we could understand them we couldn't make out what they wanted, although the Ladies seemed content with a wee Smirnoff or seven.
Varleys cholesterol exceeded his waist measurement and he banished the Ulster Fry and introduced the Ulster Grill. Hence the saying, Pissing against the wind.
Lets leave wherever we are and get a bit of wind across the deck, we can re-group and plan our next campaign.

Tom, that's not good. Hope the worst is just a laser ablation job. Meanwhile better lay off the sword swallowing and the brasso.

Sailing tonight from Miami, as SE says (damn, he talked sense !) our destination is Las Palmas, we need a new Canary after the wind problems we have had.

Tom, get the tests then you will know where you are, you are very much in my thoughts.

From La Palmas we can plot our best way to deliver your Russian Spy. I thought she looked a little like Mata Hari, but someone said that was Japanese sports car.

Not such good news, Tom. Hope the tests provide something hopeful. We can't drink all the stores ourselves, although the engine room staff might argue that point.

All the best.