A bright young gentleman has asked for the keys for your suite. Life has many turnings.

Well. Is it to be one surprised or the other disappointed?

Right chaps, get a grip. We're Seamen not Stewards. Nought queer here.
They may be a bit slow with a tray of drink for a few days, feelings hurt etc. etc. But they'll get over it.
Onwards and upwards and bollix to Brexit.

hello young man. what are you doing in my suite?
Out!!....you will find the radio officers cabin further down the alleyway on your right. he may be able to help you with directions or whatever.

Who was that who muttered "Big Girl's Blouse"? We'll have you sweeping out the Chamber of Idiots.

I don't feel like whatever just at the moment, I did warn about shrinkage. I sent him off to stroke the Old Man's Tiger.

(What's the betting Mr' Speaker is soon to rule "Big Girl's Blouse" as unparliamentary language).

Mr Squeaker AKA Gale because he's wet and windy. Jumped up little shitehawk, about as much use as a glass spanner.

That's unkind Chief. I've heard that he speaks very highly of himself. :supercool:

He wouldn't last more than five minutes in Harland and Bluff, somebody would have stuck their fist in the pious little shit. Apparently his breath is quite putrid because of all the shite coming out of his mouth. :cloud:

'Bercow was elected Speaker in2009, succeeding Michael martin, Gorbals Mick as he was affectionately known. A man who would have held his own at H&W.
Bercow was elected unopposed after the two subsequent General elections.
Many people wouldn't have lasted five minutes in H&W and perhaps Mr Speaker is in this category but as of now we are unsure of the workforces attitude to those of the Jewish persuasion.

If things go arse over tit in the Speakers Chair I'm sure the very nice Lord Alderdice could drop in from the House of Peers, sound chap.

Hmmmmm raised voices in the distance. Steward reports they are on the subject of Bollokticks??
Might just nip along and see what the fuss is all about but must finish this pile of paperwork first.

The Hibernian forum had a Mr. Speaker? As we mainly saw the family Paisley debating we imagined you had a Mr. Shouter instead.

Perhaps I shouldn't wear my yarmulke in the smokeroom, Wouldn't want to be blamed for souring the milk.

Lord Alderdice ??? I fear young man you are confusing him with Mr Daniel O'Donnell, however at least I am reliably informed the latter gentleman can sing :supercool:

As regards the workforce in H&W and their alleged attitude to persons of the Jewish persuasion, I must take issue with you on that point. During my time in H&W (N.B. I NEVER said I worked there) :chuckle: the only semitic question asked was where you a Protestant Jew or a Catholic Jew... :supercool:

Mazel Tov, now get back under the plates where you belong the lub oil filters need changing :(

Idiot that I am I thought Yarmulke was some sort of expensive pro-biotic drink, a middle class version of Actimel.

The Memsahib educated me but couldn't explain the Pope's wee cap, is he a Jew? We thought he was a catholic and in great swathes of Belfast he is an Anti-Christ (whatever that is). We live in strange times. Quare times.

I thought his cap was to stop his bald patch getting damp when it rained. :confused:

I believe that most Jewish men wear a black kippah (dome), where as the Pope, being a virgin? wears a white one. Kind of like a bride at a wedding. Me ??? I had mine chromium plated which is why, perhaps, my kids call me "chrome dome" :)

A concave alopecial upland? Surely a more matt finish would be more practical. We can't have you wandering about on deck like that. Other vessels will think we are heliographing with a demented operator and at night we might show confusing lights.

Concave?? David ???? No wonder I suffer from depression. I always thought my dome was convex. !! (I knew Matt was finished -- he was the lad with no arms and legs laying in front of the door.) :flowers:

You're right Tom. I meant convex. However concave might enable you to catch more solar power for your heliographical performances.

(Do the Finish generally lack limbs? I had not noticed)

'.... catch more solar power ... '
Catch the rain too.:jester:

Quick question, are we at sea or alongside? Someone ought to tell me.

We are injuneers we are always the last to know :yawn:

Look on the Telegraph. It says Full Ahead not Fully Airhead!

Close your eyes and go for a walk. Do a bit of scrambling too, that will help you find out.

Indeed, if you have a few scrapes and bruises, we are alongside. If you get wet we are at sea.

Unless we are still alongside and you went the wrong way after exiting the engine room. :eek:

For one awful moment I thought Boris was answering my question and VRM was helping him. Then I awoke and had a little beverage. Life is good.

Yawn....stretch....PHarrrrrrrrt!

Wow! I been asleep for three days??
Starving! Steward! order me a full English, Coffee, toast and a shot of Nelsons Blood to kick me into action.

Thank you for the reminder, E-S. I've been sleeping at the switch (an old railroader's term, I think) but we haven't derailed. With our tanks replete we can mosey on to, perhaps, Paris seeing as of late we have been wandering up rivers to various places. Perhaps that is an in Seine suggestion, but perhaps a couple of nights at the Moulin Rouge and other such libidinous places. Think I'll join Sir William for breakfast. A little nourishment is in order :pint:

I assume that we must have arrived at wherever it was that we were going and that everyone had gone ashore and left me to keep the home fires burning simply because I failed to ask:

'Are we there yet?'.

Glad that I stayed aboard as the food at the Moulin Rouge was bloody awful the last time that I was there although the 'scenery' was spectacular.

Moulin Rouge eh?...count me in on that Tom. Last time I was there a Taxi driver told me of a nice restaurant where the waitresses will dance and sing and they love the company of English gentlemen.

They serve food there ????? :hippy::hippy:

For all those people who don't know where we are, we have just left Porto, headed for Paris. If you feel you are stranded you can get a rail pass from our agent which should get you to Paris about the same time as us. The name of the agent is Garrafeira do Carmo(at the desk at the back of the wine shop!) :)

Garrafeira is his wife, no dangly bits Tom. You have fallen into the trap again.
Bosun, Bosun...……. Wire brush and Dettol for Mr Alexander. Pronto, before the little buggers escape.

I looked at the website for Garrafeira do Carmo, it has brought back my gout.

Don't need that treatment -- do my regular nightly ablutions with paraffin and cotton waste.

:angel:

Paraffin, the first gender neutral hydrocarbon. Blue for the boys and pink for the girls.
The Cassab has not issued any pink paraffin since Red 17 went on leave. God how I miss her.

So it's dropping the soap in front of a lilac that's the risk then?

Soap is such a rarity in the contiguous zone.

Two nuns in the bath, one says to the other "where's the soap" the other replied "yes, doesn't it" :wink:

I'll be hiding under the plates if anybody wants me :paper: