Dartskipper, please can we sail for a meeting with Varley, we got sidelined from a visit on our way to Lerwick and his invitation is very welcome.

Sad to leave Lerwick but glad to be going South.

Have no fear Mr Varley, I will stay in the sick nay till I get the all clear from Sister. Wouldnt want my worst enemy going through this, its round my neck and throat where it is exposed to the world.
I thank you kindly for the Tot and skewer, most civil of you dear chap and most appreciated. My only permitted visitors down here are the plasticos and cut outs. Apparently they are immune to the said virus from hell.

Sat down to curry of Christmas tonight - excellent although missing the usual sprouts and bread sauce. Excellent. Only one other taker but had birthday chinaman with usual suspects Sunday night. Will report on non-drool bogroll usage tomorrow (if I have one). Still some left but won't try again until the half life has been calculated.

In fairness the half-life of Turkey Vindaloo is indeterminable and paired with Chef V's delish naan bread and pillau rice is indestructible. No need for freezing or vacuum packing.

Anybody ever tried a curried Ulster Fry?... just asking out of curiosity like :eat_arrow:

Sir William, sympathetic as the injun room crew are to your plight you are herewith barred from entering said compartment until issued with a chitty for a clean bill of health. We are fermenting a new batch of "falling down water" and do not wish to risk any cross contamination :pint:

Would you risk a wee bit of mildly irritated contamination.

For you?....... NAH !!!! :jester:

Right oh brave boy, you're off my Christmas Card list. And things are so dismal I may have to reinstate Varley. I do not like posting to the Isle of Man because I regard them as Third World and just about preventing themselves printing triangular postage stamps.

I do not encourage the two way (or one way) dispatch of festive firelighters. An anodyne greeting across the waves of SN or SH is more than adequate, perhaps Email. Just to know who still breaths without, at such festive time, the bad manners of letting-on if one approves of that individual state or not (the humidity, anyway, makes them difficult to stand up on the mantelpiece let alone light, just as it prevents triangular stamps from sticking).

The Christmas curry includes the baconny and sausagie bits of the Big Boxing Day Breakfast - an event not too different from an Ulster fry if not tackled on such a regular basis.

The IOM Fry is an Ulster Fry, without the bacon, sausage, white pudding, black pudding, fried soda farls and fried potato bread. The Wee Free's would approve of the IOM Fry. And that tells you a lot. And you can stick your muesli up your jumper.

You have not had the education of one of my breakfasts! Whist I agree with you about muesli it is bowelgrip. A necessary evil. Even Uncle Bruv would have changed his diagnosis that the only benefit to be had from cereal which were not All-bran came only from the cardboard carton.

If you get the bowelgrip over with, by consuming it whilst preparing the food for the oven (one should include the fruit ration as well which I do with half a melon) it will take your mind of how ghastly it is to get down. Then it's the pills and off for the morning ablutions after which the breakfast will be ready to serve (bar the eggs which are best as a last minute 'thing').

Soda farts? How would I recognise one of these should one pass by?

Eat Bran and the world will fall out of your bottom. :mad:

get a move on ES your Ulster Fry is getting cold and both Squeek and Eric are eying it up :egg:

More fashionable crap. Secret Santa (opened today) has given me beard oil. At what point of a beard's survey cycle does one apply this strange lubricant? Or is it only for when it squeaks?

Perhaps it makes it burn more brightly.

It deters birds from nesting in it David.

Along with the oil was shampoo. I used it for the first time yesterday. I fail to understand why anyone choosing to wear a beard would also choose to be followed by an aroma reminiscent of the scent locker on the plasticos' deck.

(You may be right about the oil I haven't seen the hens for at least five days and was beginning to think they made someone's new year soup. I am, however, told they remain happily 'about').

If your hens move away and the Plasticos start to gather, I should do some hard thinking and make a decision.

Our time at your castle is about up, they say guests and fish start to smell after 3 days, well, we ate all the kippers and don't want to confuse your olfactory appendages any further. Time for us to set sail. I think a trip to Cuba would interest Tmac and Varley can stock up his humidor.

What a compliment. You did not notice that the howling draught allowed by the Crittall windthroughs kept any thoughts of fish smells (but not, it seems those of tarty beard shampoo) or that from farting brought on by celebrating Slaughter of the Innocence day fortnight unwisely, but well.

You will be welcome again next year, which should be time enough for staff to sneak the empties small piece by small piece into the bins without raising the ire of the dustmen (V important types - get welding and classic car instruction). I have to say that whoever used two plasticos to put the billiard table on an even keel should be ashamed of themselves they are quite creased - the way she is done here is simply to wait until the heave of the subsidence veers more favourably.

And whoever left one of those in the mini bar. Those are ice buckets. The other would be found in the wee cupboard on the opposite side of the bed.

A return invite, and not an angry parent in sight!

The bucket thing, well for some of the crew any port in a storm.

Incidentally, did we order this weather? My Barograph is creaking under the strain of the pen on the plinth.

My little French number is out calibration and has several times in the last month bottomed out - at least I hope it is out of calibration otherwise we may need oxygen masks. That's where it was earlier today but as I toddle off to bed it has just crept up onto to the paper.

what....you crapped onto a paper? dear me Mr Varley...thats not like you at all.

I just licks my finger and shoves it out the porthole.... good enough for us injuneers :supercool:

We leave you deckie type persons to deal with the lumpy bits :smoking:

How else does one get a sample for the 'post a turdlet to the doctor' ceremony we hold every two years (actually I prefer an ice bridge in the pan that can be left to melt and drop its load more or less normally with only a short delay).

I always wondered why the Chief's dress uniform did not have purple braid and why he bothered with a badge of rank on his boiler suit and sometimes even at the swimming pool. Can we think of cleaning and refilling that more often do you suppose. As in every time the Chief goes for a dip?

OK, I think we could go to a once every 5 years cycle on that with no real problems. Our Tmac is more of a watcher than a washer.

See his last message, lick a finger and stick it out of the window. Enough for him.

No one told me ........
 

Why wasn't I told that the GD was in Melbourne?

Shh! Everyone will want a visit.

They must be terribly careful in Melbourne. Our paint dingy has to request free pratique. If that is Tmac on the loose I have to say he should be careful, does anyone know if a claim to be healthy includes mental health?

This is False News. And I will prove it.

Fake. Thank goodness.
I thought for a moment that you may have been cast adrift.

We were going to come back for him soon, honest. The batteries on his VR set would have run out.



Who drilled that hole in his float, we will never know.

Where's the scorched grass?
Where's the big hailstones?
Where's the smog and orange sun?
Where's the singed koala bears?
Where's the venomous, very venomous and tip-top venomous snakes?
Where's the assassinated camels?
Where's the box jellyfish?
Where's the blue ringed octopus?
Where's the man-eating great white sharks?(Circling the punt)

These are not Australian waters as we know them, its a Fake.
Could it be Ramsey Harbour? The paddler looks non too bright so I may be on a winner. Crooked Mona where the sharks circle you once you put a foot ashore.

I still don't think one would be asking for free pratique if paddling from Maughold to Ramsey.

One could be quite sanguine about the sharks however. For the moment we only have the ones that holiday here and prefer to just bask (if ignore the House of Keys, of course).

(More later perhaps I have to take a limp pussy to the vet).

Just back from the Canaries and Pussy in the Cattery cost as much as the holiday.

Pussy bitten on paw. GBP 80 odd. Pussy still limp but vet say it will get better. Probably.

Canaries and pussy in the cattery. A one yum game.

I saw that they had fitted a tiger with a prosthetic paw, which then fell of in about 30 seconds. Not your pussy, Varley?

Aren't we doing well, not a single comment about pussy in anything other than a feline context. I may have just spoilt this.

Cosy filth is not to our liking, we're hard core. We've been to Exhibitions in Port Said.

Suggest you discuss with Mrs Slocum. (Or Mr Humphries if the rumours are true!)

I am free! ...Out of the sick bay at last, shingle sores cleared up. Even managed a shave this morning. whats this about veteran pussies I heard?.. Very brave men some of them are.
Where are we Farmer John?
Good to be back in my suite again, got a bit fed up being quarantined in sick bay although Sister looked after me well even if she was very stricked with me.
Steward! full English Please with coffee pot and a large tot if you please.

We are about 2 days out of Havana, hoping to top up the spares for some of our Masheenery and also to complete the little job we discussed, if you remember.

I'll join you for full English with coffee pot and a large tot, just hold the full English and the coffee, and make the large tot into a larger tot, please stewart.

Are all our spirits Vegan?
Tmax wants to know as he is a supporter of Veganuary but draws the line at Vaginary. Vmax will eat animal products but nothing containing cats. The upcoming Chinese New Year is going to be a hungry time for both.
Good to have you back BB, or Bmax, things have gotten very P&O'ish in the Pilot House with Smoko consisting of Skinny Latte and Cappuccino's and wee burnt biccies not worth the trouble of wrestling with to remove the cellophane. What's up with a mug of Typhoo, after all they put the T in Teabag, in Scunthorpe I believe.

wonder if they put the Pee in Peterborough as well