Did you hear about the couple who didn't know the difference between Olive Oil and putty?
All their windows fell out.

Did they try frying with linseed oil?

The Lamptrimmer or Mr Lampy is slow to issue Linseed Oil. I sometimes think he is sipping it. Billyboy is a regular visitor to the Paint Locker and is none too steady for his return to the Wheelhouse.

I gather it is good for horses. (Lampy does have a glossy coat but is still farting a lot).

I suggest Tmac bottles this gas and then we can run the Aft Dk BBQ on it. Little need for HP Sauce as the rib-eyes will have absorbed flavour during cooking. Ozone Layer not harmed------ Result!

simply checking our stocks of white gloss and red boot topping ES. I like to have a wee taster too while I am there.

I think I'll stick to pepper sauce. You mistake mouth-watering with eye-watering.

Wasn't Gandhi famous for being a wee taster?

Merciful heavens, colleagues, are we drifting in a morass of feculence?

I am only asking because the water in the canal is not a well respected beverage, and I am not sure, we must have got through the last of it now.

We have been through for a couple of days now -- berthed in Panama City at the South end of the Canal. Precise position is under the dried on ketchup splotch on the chart.

The only water allowed to be consumed is in a frozen cubic form at the bottom of a glass of something with an alcohol content >50% proof spirits. (The best way to keep Beri-Beri at bay.) :pint:

Well, he wisnae all that tall but we mustn't be heightest.

Large malt for me plese Tom

Best chicken beri--beri is to be had in Lorenco Marques, circa 1971.

Your bloody feculence is blocking the primary cooler for the potin still and causing Tmac to hyperventilate and burst into tears. If production dwindles we will be in a rite state.
Having difficulty down below controlling the blubberer, where the hell is our medical back-up.

The injuneering department should not have to rely on the deck department advising to connect Tmac's posterior orifice to the potin still circulation system and thus forcing a back flow to dislodge the offending feculation. End of tears, end of discomfort and ready for the next dose of Black Bush from the Header Tank faithfully maintained by said deckies.

Sup up, lads. :pint:

I know it is a risky way of clearing a blockage but with E-S on beri beri vindaloo and Tmac forcefeeding Lampy with linseed oil then just one small spark should do an awful lot of shifting.

If the feculation itself doesn't shift then whatever it was blocking certainly will.

(Is there a non return valve or blow out preventer on the BB/voice pipe?)

No blow out preventer but Red Adair is on contract at 6 hours notice. Ginger Rodgers will accompany him and will entertain the troops whilst Red dances around the Wheelhouse.
You can't beat the old B&W musicals.

I'll take a ticket for that performance despite hating musicals with a passion. Anyway we can't use the voice pipe until Tom's stopped using it for delivering enemas and I'm not sure how keen I will be to put my mouth to the top even then let alone Tmac to put is mouth to the bottom.

Mate of mine once met Red Adair, asked him if he was still dancing with Ginger Rodgers.

Hoi my personal plumbing arrangements are mine, further where I place my ruby lips is entirely of my concern. Personally I shun the use of the voice pipe as all the deck crowd appear to be deaf to the injuneers. My secretary once asked if she could borrow my dictaphone but I told her to use her finger like everybody else...

Oh, what has happened to our love of art and our sophisticated discussions about great literature?

Even Tmac, that delightfully erudite craftsman and crayoneer, is making double entendres, despite the fancy I am sure doesn't understand them, innocent that he is.

What about a list of our favourite books and authors, perhaps then we can discuss them?

I will start things off with "learning to love your cat", author, Claude Balls.

Over to you, my sophisticated colleagues .

Currently in my library :-

The Glass Bra by Seymour Diddy
Rusty Bedsprings by I P Nightly
Games you can play with your Pussy by Muff Diver
Do Birds Fart? by Hugh Diddit
Goodbye Testicles by Ivor Bollikov

Tmac, I bow to your graceful response to my heartfelt call.

Tmac forgot that classic, " The Pen Is Mighty," by Ivor Biggun.

Oliver Twist by William Shakespeare.

The Tempest by P G Wodehouse.
This is great crack, hours of innocent fun.