Excuse moi !!! but my nuts are certainly NOT greasy or indeed covered in any other nefarious substance. Admittedly my nuts remain unwashed because even as an injuneer of my considerable ability I have yet to find a method of extracting them from the bag in which they reside. The bag is frequently laundered but alas the nuts within remain inaccessible.

Point of information the Golden Shifter is exclusively for use on the Golden Rivet however any necessary chastisement or correcting of the error of the ways is carried out by my 7llb pound lump hammer liberally applied to the requisite areas.

What are you after? or what have you broken? you silver tongued devil :smoking:

It cum away in his hand, Chief.

Priming the pump again, Eh? (The correct term is "It come orf in my 'and, sur!") :smoking:

Surely "It wisnae done on my watch, Chief, it's how the 4 to 8 left it"

That Oxo cube is some vintage, the chart says "First surveyed by HMS Sparrow in eighteen oh burnhole"

Doing Willie and the Hand Jive again?

Ah, eighteen oh burnhole, a very good year for soup.

But Chief!...I was only cleaning it and it went off....Honest!

I didn't do it - it just happened!

Thought we should head down the coast a bit to Lima, Peru. Here's an excerpt from one of their tourist sites which the crew might find enticing:

However, let's make some clarifications, since the label "night club" may be a bit confusing here in Lima; actually, most places that define themselves as "night clubs" in Lima are in fact bordellos in disguise. We are aware of the fact that adult fun businesses have a great demand nowadays, but to avoid confusions or misunderstandings they are not to be listed here, but under "burlesque" or other similar category.

All those not interested take one step back. :supercool: :jump: :king:

Tom, the Port Chaplin is not best pleased with your Post. He says you are exploiting a vulnerable ethnic minority. A touch of humble pie could be in order.
Our esteemed shipmate Tmac believes, If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried, so your best tactic is to blame Tmac for hacking into your account. Result.

I thought a Port Chaplain (or as our American shipmates would have it, the left footer) would be more interested in bells and smells rather than belles and smalls.

It is the Starboard Skypilot that you have to watch out for. He's on the lookout to grill any wee free soul aboard if they try 'Burlesque' on Sundays. Pie instead of tart, however, is acceptable providing not cooked on the sabbath.

Ah, the benefit of a Glasgow education.

Bordelo?..that a surf board you pedal?

Come, come, Sir W, you must have heard of a brothel that does half board, surely!

So, do I gather that when we get to Lima, all you lot are going to visit the museums, art galleries and cathedrals?? Right. :angel::angel:

Lima has the reputation of having a very Popeish population, I'm hiding in the bilges until departure. Me and the two little feckers have laid in a stock of Snickers and nail varnish remover. Did the locals invent potatoes or was it tobacco and the females all have yellow and brown teeth. What a shower.

What is that awful pong from the ER vent? Smells like someone's set fire to a potato.

AS Corporal Jones is wont to say "don't panic" the aroma is simply Paddington Bear brewing a batch of his special marmalade. :thumb:

He should be careful It may turn his little yellow teeth brown.

He's not from Lima, he's from Darkest Peru, which I believe is near the Port of Iquitos. He could be in town to meet the Clarksons and if BB and FJ meet him in a Speakeasy they shouldn't bring him on board because pip, Squeak and Wilfred will tear him apart and eat his marmalade pieces. A right bloody mess in the engineroom, that Silver Shred gets everywhere and is uber-sticky.
And Od Time Irish marmalade is every bit as effective as Locktite, Araldite or Pritt Stick.

I would hope that our propulsion system of undeclared and unimaginable horse power (the Operator's Manual only states that "Horsepower is Adequate...") is held together with something more tenacious and durable than Pritt sticks.

I am sorry to say I mugged a rather wet little chap who approached me in one of the dark alleys with a reprehensible suggestion (I refused to stick my hand in his sticky pot) and I now have a very smart duffel coat, slightly tight round the chest, not badly worn, ideal for bridge work in colder climates.

Odd time Irish Marmalade? Odd because its made of potatoes I suppose. (I have an expert in this topic at my table tonight I will get the SP then - depending on how well my cooking of the universal Irish vegetable turns out).