I suppose the fact that I have a Somali Master's ticket from 1970something might be of interest.
It was issued pursuant to the fact that I did a couple of hours hand steering on a scrapper, and stood the bridge watch for 15 minutes while the 3rd mate nipped off for a Tom Tit.:confused:


Seriously, I was offered the job of 3rd mate on a Greek when they were shorthanded. As a spec wearing R/O I decided to decline and they bumped up the bosun.


Sounds like I could fit in if I can remember my password.

Squeek and Eric are miffed at not being considered suitable for advancement. Further I note that ES has been conspicuously silent in this regard, I have heard of hiding your light under a bushel but the lad has potential. I trained him myself despite having to employ copious amounts of chair and whip the lad did well.

signing on.
 

Wow you have experience! Sign here Dave Mc Gouldrick!..... Steward! take Daves gear to the Captains cabin and show him where everything is then bring him up to the bridge.
Oh...and grab a bottle of four bells on the way up.

Here we go again. Light hidden under a bushel is it? How many times have I told you to call me. It will either be the lamp or the fuse. If all the bushels are unlit it is what we call, in the trade, a blackout.

Ah there you are Dave, Come along and I'll show you around.
On this console you have the traditional sticks for ahead and astern, also the controls for fore and aft thrusters. These two buttons will lower or raise the Anchor (great when its raining) at the top is the famous "Big red button" try to avoid touching that. These consoles are repeated out on the port and starboard bridge wings. Two radars with alarms, Ecdis ect. we normally cruise at 25 knots but do have the capability to go very much faster.
Thank you Steward, Cheers Dave and welcome aboard the happy ship.

I trained him myself.

Indeed, you taught me everything you knew and I still know nothing.

yes, promotion is overdue down below. so. Tmac to become "Engineering Supervisor"
ES to become "Chief Engineer"
So we need a Sec and a turd now.
Chief to consult with engineering supervisor before any machinery adjustments of course.
so Squeak to become Second and Eric to become Third.
new uniforms in the stores.

I can confirm from bitter experience that there is security in obscurity when it comes to reorganisations.

I remain the sole stoker on board the GD and don't even get a new shovel.

There was a time when Eric and Squeak would give me a spell but no longer now that they are 'management' and obviously destined for higher things. Next they will be on deck.

Oh well, another bottle of no-sugar coke for re-hydration :sweat:* and a jar of vegemite to console myself.

* Thankfully it's hot down here - unlike bloody Melbourne at the moment.:wave:

Billy me oul china, keep yer nose out of our internal rangling or the black gang will give you a black eye. We stay as we are, BS as Chief with the two rats to feed his ego, ME as Second, yer man as xtra second and Slim Dusty promoted to No1 Greaser. Him big fella number one shovel plenty coal.

I'm with E-S on this (surgery appointment already made). Without a leckie that bunch couldn't recognise an unlit under-bushel if they were sitting on it let alone put it right.

One must admit they are fairly good at production of sudden-onset overall gloom (see 2nd's comments WRT white boiler suits, no pun intended) but those are generally plumber led events or, at least, events leading to investigation of the plumbing.

So I will just carry on wandering around trying not to upset too many people.

Obviously picking up the empties and putting them in the recycling bin could be a full time occupation around here. I was wondering whether to turn the old beer cans into some sort of sculpture but when I tried to weld tin I seemed to just blow holes in it.

Any other ideas?

Gorilla glue or possibly Chockfast :chuckle: You didn't learn your welding skills in Harland and Bluff by any chance?

No, we have some pretty awful welding instructors down south here on the big island as well.

You're the xtra Second, you sound hesitant but a couple of Watches will settle you down.

Wow, dizzy heights, thank you.... I think.

If I'm not cut out for it I can also tie knots and row a boat. Not much call for that nowadays though.

There is on the Titanic :supercool:

More suited to castings but just fill any holes with Beaumont Egg. It might be a bit too obvious in any aluminium edifice but silver frost is cheap.

Here is the recipe in case you want to try:

Beaumont’s Egg; a mixture of beeswax, fiddler’s rosin, finest iron borings and lamp black.

It was used momentarily and unsuccessfully in the first Tay Bridge.

Our engineers know what they are doing. why a con rod broke and they fixed it wit 2 strips of steel and a handfull of pop rivits 6 months ago and its still holding together in the main generator now.

Not saying, but that was only after we had to surgically remove several layers of skin from someone's fingers when the super glue he tried to use stuck his fingers but not the con rod.

Red or Sister would have been amazed at our efforts with a chain saw.

Looks even better now though - a couple of tubs of isopon and you can't even see the join. The con rod that is, not the finger...

Sometimes, not often. even I am amazed by my injuneering brilliance and being wot I is 'umble I wouldn't hold my breath until any of you deckie type heathens would say that. :applause:

It is wonderful what an injuneer can do with a bit of Gorilla glue, chockfast and sticky tape adhering to the KISS principle (keep it simple stupid):jester:

Sudden onset gloom and plumbers.

The defence rests.

Were the gennies to have been double acting I think we would not have had time to bait our breath before the lights went out (save for the pretty little red ones on the mimic panel).

(I have seen pictures of a crankshaft 'repair' on a converted livestock carrier, large LS 2 stroke. One plate 'wrapped' round the two webs on either side of the broken pin. I think they made two round trips ME/Australia before the Australians asked them to go away).

The Aussies never asked anyone to go away so desperate were they to populate the unpopulatable. Tis well I remember the poor cretins, unemployable in Wigan, setting off with their brassy blond wives and snotty nosed kids on the £30 assisted passage to be eaten by crocodiles or envenomated by deadly spiders. And they thought they were making a new life for the family. God give me strength.

I was almost Australian. Pa's CO in MTBs asked him to go to be his C/E in transport company. I understand that that company was quite successful, perhaps 'done bonza' in the Dampier tourist booklet? (still to pulp its maiden print run). I think Granpapa did some tarmacadaming for them too (courtesy of the Neuchatel Bituminous Rock Company).

(Sorry YM but there are parts of HM's Realms that lend themselves to not only the cork dangled headdress but also the precancelled visa. I am sure that place must have seen for itself when it came to asphalt).

Older Brother went out first followed min later years by Mother and Father I remained in the UK (black bush problems) they all did OK for themselves. Brother was out there 42 years. ma and pa died there.

I totally agree with the findings of our survey, it was costly but bloody good value for money. Finding No.1, that we continue to employ OZ and NZ is heartily endorsed especially the bit about strict quotas. No more than 2 per ship one of which must be of the fairer sex. Equal opportunities is us.
Uniform shall be "Relaxed Rig", but no corky hats, drinking beer from tins or bottles or dirty nails in the refectory.
QM ring "Stand By", and a speedy passage to Luzon to pick up a cargo of bricks for the Grand City Hall in New York.

Wha.....If we are headed to Luzon might as well call in at Davao. Masks and face shields still required there though so will have to drink through a straw.

Have we loaded too many bricks in Luzon and that this is all that now remains of the GD?

All in favour of equality especially if that means 1 for 1 of the fairer sex. There were no females at Mundrabilla .................

I am not sure we can have 'relaxed rig' if we are to enjoy strict interpersonal exercise. Surely we want 'dressed to the nines'. St.Trinians, ringmistress (lady with whip not would be proctologists) and for those who were disappointed by my last suggestion, starchy Matron (may also suit any who miss proper school - one up on Mundrabilla apparently).

Sound comment from the man who thought Philadelphia Resin was a dried fruit used in making a Plum Duff or in Belfast a Barnbrack.

Aye as lang as its nae a Barlinnie bung Jock

Is that, in proper-schoolspeak, Elephant's tool?

After many months of taking the mickey out of YM about all the venomous things in Australia blow me away if it was not confirmed on the news yesterday that Ireland is full of Noble False Widow Spiders. These small black critters have a strong bite and this can be extremely painful and in many cases requires hospital treatment. Apparently they have come from the Canaries and sneaked in when St Patrick wasn't paying attention. With a touch of humility I'm asking YM to advise on how to manage these little feckers. Cheers me neighbour.

As an interested arachnologist, I can assure you that they only bite under extreme provocation, their bite is like a wasp sting and they have been in this country for many decades. London educational thinking was that if one was found in or near a school, the school should close for fumigation. When it was shown that this unnecessary, ineffective and completely pointless, the spiders were left alone. This is very effective, but the rag top papers like to have a story sometimes.

Shame on you ES.

We have them here too (False Widows that is, not Elephants)

Shame on me, my a r s e. I don't want spiders in my house and I don't want fox adults and their anti social cubs in my back garden. What's this blather about extreme provocation? I am unable to gauge provocation when dealing with V & Tmax how the hell will I treat a Deadly spider with slightly less extreme ness?

It would appear that most docile Irish people are bitten whilst asleep in bed or when they pull on a garment upon getting-up, any antidote for that FJ?
I can borrow a small Glock from a lad down the pub to get rid of the rabies and vermin ridden foxes but I cant waste bullets on spiders and the skirting boards could suffer.
Can they be encouraged to go outside?

Help me YM. I'm being attacked by the RSPCA, the Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Arachnids.

And Varley has encountered some as big as an elephant.

Boris The Bullingdon Spider.
Who would have thought John Entwistle could be so prescient. Goes to show.