Yep, I thought that you would like that...

33% survival rate ?
It`ll never catch on.

Comrade ES,

Put your jocks, socks and work boots in the microwave on high for 60 seconds before putting them on each morning but beware of overheated jocks!

It's only the females to beware of but one still needs to check for those refusing to declare their gender.

YM

Where was Varley and what was he up to to encounter some as big as an elephant.
Sorry but I know nothing about Royal anything. My hero in that firm died a month or so ago.

Even topside, perhaps?

Thanks a bundle shipmates, money couldn't buy you advice such as yours.
It's at times such as this I wish Mr Card and Mr Youde were on this site, intelligence and common sense will always shine through.

I was, of course, taking Great Uncle Fred's family three seater out for a spin (howdah that is, the guest latrine is not mobile).

If only E-S would derive some benefit by practicing the advice we give him, many times and oft, even occasionally he would have less of which to complain. What of pearls before swine? When we cast them may we not carp?

Only an Hibernian native could consider himself docile while entertaining the acquaintanceship of a drinking buddy with a Glock.

(I am not sure if a dry sock or underthing would offer enough load for a microwave. A poppadum is fine until it is done. After that, once crisp, there is a chance that your oven will not so much 'ding' as make spectacular light signals - only for short time, though. The cherry pips with which the 'hottie' is stuffed can also be dried out by over heating. The difference being that the concluding signal is by smoke).

Thanks David.
I forgot to tell ES that he must put also his porridge in with the jocks, socks and boots or the microwave will behave as you mention.
As with all modern instructions and communications a missing step is mandatory and on that basis I claim as my excuse that 'everyone knows that'.
YM

It's worth posting twice:-

Thanks a bundle shipmates, money couldn't buy you advice such as yours.
It's at times such as this I wish Mr Card and Mr Youde were on this site, intelligence and common sense will always shine through.

Not if you are thinking of invoicing for it it isn't. But pedanticism apart I find myself agreeing. I have tried to encourage our poet lazaret to post and our seascape academician's offerings are always welcome (on either of the dreaming golden bottoms).

(I think, however, Mr. Youde might suggest that if one was providing advice for oneself, likely, it would not be a purchase unless he were grammatically obfuscating under the terms of a poetic licence).

Since when has that been true for an injuneer especially a Harland and Bluff trained one? :confused:

Have you been sucking diesel again?:big_tongue:

Aye right...... whatever he said :flowers:

As Baldrick would have said, the poor old spider died in vain.

We have a little diesel that runs occasionally here on the heritage rails. Most people think that it sucks.

(Has someone killed subject arachnid? Not me. When they offended Ma I would take them to my lair upstairs, much like, I am told did dear old Uncle Bruv to his).

ah steward, please make sure the stainless steel pool bar is fully equipped for Saturday and advise the galley to prepare a fine buffet. big crew party with free bar on my tab please.

FFS BB your job is leadership not management, leave the routine table settings to V and T. You should tell us where we are, where we're going and how we intend getting there, ok.
And I would like to eyeball our Form C97.

Back of a tram ticket should suffice.

we are on our way up to Luzon, First stop Davao, then we will visit Cebu, then into Manila. By that time I hope to hear from the Agent about a paying job.
What we need aboard here are deck officers to keep watch. I cant stay awake 24/7. If we dont get some soon I am afraid we will have to go into lay up somewhere and this thread will die. So ask around guys, got to be someone who can drive a boat and Nev...Nave... aim the sharp end the right way.

I have no qualification in Nev.....Nave....Novogotionology but, as you are well aware, the position is much the same as Mrs Queen; a job for life. No abdication or any nonsense like that, perhaps your eldest son can take the reins or the tiller. I realise he is only 6 yo but that age indicates a maturity greater than Varley or Lord Pirrie. Good luck.

They have a berth for us at sasa wharf but we have to be away by lunchtime tomorow. Docking in aprox 2 hours.

I could be blown away by Friday Lunch but if I start on the pipe now is there any guarantee that the chandler can replenish it. I would hate to leave without any port to sooth once the blown away wears off (And no, Hibernian bothi-juice is not an acceptable substitute. Especially when the newly awakened hand may shake and the furniture newly varnished).

just time enough to refuel and take on stores before checking out the nearby bars lads.

Stop engines, 2 and 2 each end please cutouts.

Yes but what stores. We cannot live on BoT rations until you get us a lucrative charter. The Port Port tank is low and the Stbd Port tank is only useful if you like fumes. I will be on to the double bottom storage soon and I suspect that has suffered from being electrochlorinated for the invasive species ballast regulations (it adds a certain piquancy to the aftertaste not to mention its effect on the bowels - did you know one can have flatulence in green as well as brown?).

I would willingly drive the boat sire but I don't have any windies down in the pit and my guide dog needs a guide dog so I can't see where we would be going. However if you want I'll drive until we hit a bump if that helps.

The Stbd tank isn't full of port fumes, Squeek was doing a tank inspection and farted, gave a whole new perspective on pressing up a tank.

No Tmac, A man with your special qualifications and experience is best being where he is. (dare I sat that this ship would not function for long without you in charge of our fine machinery) I will just have to stumble along till suitable staff get here . I really miss the staff we used to have in the past.
well, we are refuelled and stores are being craned aboard as we speak including barrels of Red horse beer and cases of spirits.

Pass the sickbag, Varley. Have you ever heard such keekh in your life? Billy could very well get a smack in the chops the next time he ventures into a wharfside tavern, specially if he has his most favourist friend with him. Tmac, A man with special qualifications and experience:- dear God, if I was an Ulster Christian I would recite the Lords Prayer quietly to myself. Special qualifications and experience indeed and him served his time in Workman Clarke's.

Squeek tells a different story.

In a word 'no' but the concept of Ulstermen doing anything quietly is foreign to me too.

I think we need to make sure the ISM is up to speed on tank entry procedures, chloroflatulate dissolved in the post prandial elixir is one thing. Colloid of late Squeek, quite another.

T Max, No YM not TK Max. TK Max is a seller of ladies smalls and frillies, our Tmax is a mans man whose only use for female underwear is to clean the lub oil purifier.

And talking of Tmax/British Steel whats all this talk of guide dogs? The man has two guide ferrets or as I believe two guide Pangolins. Why do you think this Fast and Commodious Vessel has been free of the virus? Conspiracy Theory abounds.

Jesus, Mary and Joseph and the wee donkey, I rest my case (full of spanners and other nefarious bits)

Thank you Sire, it's nice to be appreciated not that ES or Varley would admit that, bounders that they are but all the same a fine judge of character.

Tmax is all right but X lax gives me the trots.

single up to a breast slipper Cut outs. stand by main engines, Gangway up!
Both thrusters to port. stop thrusters...slow ahead both.
full ahead both. revs for 18 knots please Tmac.

Thats it we are off to Cebu, Mactan has some nice bars.

Cebu, good oh!
A case of beer to the first one to see a Bank Boat aground on a reef or "Uncharted" island.

I can see that for some of the older old hands this trip is nostalgic. For someone who only put a toe in either side of the 'Peaceful Ocean' it is exploration. I wonder if I am sufficiently free of age related incapacity to be exploring?

(I was slated to visit our offices in Manila when nearby in Singapore, therefore the journey partly funded by the client that got me to Singapore. On the 'phone to Manila before setting off I was asked if I could hear anything when the receiver was put to an open window. I could, gunfire. Mrs. V would not have liked her little boy shot at so I didn't go! Would that same unsaintly maternal figure have entirely approved of me being onboard for this adventure I wonder).

safe with me David. have to be careful in some of the Bars though cause some of the beautiful girls are well hung. (not that I would know of course)

Tanoy! we will be sailing for Manila on the evening tide. all departments to be prepared. Stewards! check all the cabins for stowaways.

There's a stowaway in Tmax's cabin. If not a stowaway then definitely an imposter.

It's not that red-headed bird I saw him with on TV the other day is it?

Sarah Fergusson? I doubt it, but there's many's a good tune played on an old piano.

Not a Red head for sure, I prefer blonds as they get dirty quicker :big_tongue: