Personally I'd stick with 'Rex,' … (as in Tyrannosaurus.) ;)

A loud pounding on the front door awakened a man and his wife at 3:00 am. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.
"Not a chance," replies the husband. "It is three in the morning!"
He slams the door and returns to bed. "Who was that ?" asked his wife.
"Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers.
"Did you help him ?" she asks.
"No, I did not, it's three in the morning and it's bloody pouring rain out there !"
"Well you have a short memory," says the wife. "Can't you remember about a month ago when our car broke down, and those two guys helped us ? I think you should go and help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself."
Feeling guilty the man gets up to do as she says and goes outside into the pounding rain. He calls out in the dark: "Hello, are you still there?"
"Yes, " comes a reply.
"Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.
"Yes please," comes a reply from the dark.
"Where are you ?" asks the husband.
"Over here on the swing," replied the drunk.

Ahhh the wonders of technology …. :sweat:

Is Alexa dolphin friendly?

"Life is not the way it's supposed to be - it's the way it is. The way you cope with it is what makes the difference."
After his plane was hit and he was forced to eject, the Marine Corps fighter pilot finally regained consciousness. He was in a hospital, in a lot of pain.
He found himself in the ICU with tubes/IV drips in both arms, a breathing mask, wires monitoring every function and a nurse hovering over him, looking worried. It was obvious he was in a life-threatening situation.
The nurse gave him a serious look, straight into his eyes. Knowing he was not only a fighter pilot, but a Marine, she spoke to him softly and slowly, enunciating each word: "You may not feel anything from the waist down."
Somehow he managed to mumble in reply, "Can I feel your boobs, then?"
And that, my friends, is a real positive attitude.

♫ Now I'm a believer … ♪

I don't believe it.

That was then, this is now.

I believe it's called an 'epiphany.' :p

Google
 

I don't need Google!
Our Lass knows everything,
and she is NEVER wrong!!
(If I want to wake up in the morning).

Does she ever say to you: "Resistance is futile." :eek:

It's when she starts calling you 'Dave' that you really need to worry.

I decided to test my new super-strengthened heavily armoured groan-o-meter on this joke.

RIP groan-o-meter. :eek:

Bob. You really should know better. Now everyone knows there's a new groan-o-meter...…...

Probably no longer. I doubt it survived the sea trial.

It's broken already.
Didn't last long - where was it made?

Mine was made in Glasgow, from girders and I'm welding patches on it twice a week. If Bob could post his witticisms between Monday to Friday it would keep the overtime costs down. Quality counts, more Frankie Boyle and less Julian Clary would cause less FSD's and bent pointers.
PS Delete "Bent" and insert "Damaged".

Your wish is my command:

"Bloody aliens coming down here and writing graffiti on things !!! Whey don't the get back up their own end of the spiral arm ? !!"

Anyone fancy a crisp?:

Resistance is futile. :sweat:

An old seaman is up in court charged with several counts of rape, sexual assault, lewd behaviour and drunkenness. The usher asks how do you plead and only receives a slight croak in reply. "Speak up man" shouts the judge. "Your honour my client has a very bad case of laryngitis and has lost his voice"... "well would he like to suck on a Fisherman's Friend?" enquires the judge to which the barrister replies "Do you not think he is in enough trouble as it is?"

An old seaman was in a restaurant when the waitress asked what he would like. "I'd love a quickie" he said and received a hard slap across the face. "Now what do you really want" asked the waitress "I said I'd love a quickie" to which he received and even harder slap. Deciding to give him one last chance she said "for the last time what would you like?" and again he said "I told you I'd love a quickie"... disgusted she stormed off to fetch the manager to throw the seaman out. As she left a customer at the next table who had observed all that had happened leant over and said "I think it's pronounced quiche"

One for the groan-o-meter:

Shoot me. I had to think about it.

It is groan-o-meter joke ... but it made me laugh.