my mum got vaccinated with a gramophone needle and theres nothing click nothing click nothing click wrong with me.

Red, you're doing so well fitting in that I recommend to Sir William that he promote you to the Interdepartmental Communications Expert (ICE). Commonly found in drink so you will be very welcome. :pint:

I used to play the Luxemburg Radio on my blind grandma's Braille set. (The only one I've ever seen - no numbers on the dial -- just Braille):quill:

Farmer John -- If you see Pats, she may just have some Izal (It's medicated) left over from the Nostalgia days -- just like wax paper - tough as nails -- but produces superb sound when draped over a comb. (Bad as it was it did beat little squares of last weeks Daily Mirror hung up on a piece of string behind the loo door. :huh:

Just in case anyone is remotely interested, we will be passing Noumea on New Caledonia tomorrow. I'll scout out what they have in the way of bars, just in case anyone wants to stop off for whatever it is that one stops off for in a foreign port?

:yawn:

Foreign port you say....Varley loves a drop of Port.

Busy writing out the notes for Air on G string. Might try it out later if we all got instruments to hand.

Don't rub it in. I think it is getting worse. I'm down to fizz and Angostura with plain water. Does a disbelief in god(s/ess/esses) mean I can't believe in hell? A little tinnitus too this morning although GP look-alike reports middle ears free of liquid.

4 more weeks of this and if no improvement I'll have to have shore leave to visit "The ENT man". I am not sure if he lives hermit like in some mountainous eyrie but I know I will have to 'go' somewhere. Unless Ssr can drop me off I'll have to take some Captain's leave (kind if you don't tell Macaroni or they'll dock the entitlement by a day or two).

Not familiar with Duraglit myself.
Do you drink it or eat it?

I think it is Brasso flavoured candy-floss. An acquired taste.

I think it's used in place of earmuffs. Removes earwax-trapping hairs and polishes up the External Acoustic Meatus. Max the earwax smell a bit like No.1 vase after its ceremonial annual up-tarting.

I don't think Tmac has read the HSE Leaflet properly. Its not for internal consumption unless one fears verdigris of the belly, rare on GD due avoidance of wetting the target area with anything with high water content. Don't use externally on the head either - the toupee won't stick after one's buffed it off.

(I take it you have already tried Dyno-rod David)

O must get back below. got to adjust tappets on No 3 aux Gen. and polish the shifters and hammers.

Tmac, I am so looking forward to having you back on the GD. WHERE have you been.

Please tell me that you play the clarinet!

I find it hard to believe you don't play the fiddle! It just seems to be the right instrument for you.

Try some hydrogen peroxide. Heat a teaspoon in a little hot water in a saucer, place a couple of drops in spoon to heat then pour into ear. It froths and bubbles and clears blockages wonderfully.

I seem to have lost the plot with the conversation. Think it might be the three glasses of HV Merlot that I have partaken of this evening.:pint:

Are you supposed to eat when you are drinking? Drinking seems to make me forget about eating. Think I will get the bagpipes out, the neighbours don't like it but then I don't like the fact that their dogs bark all night long. Strange though, they bark even more when I play the pipe's.:confused:

That should leave a wee bit in the bottle. Don't waste it!
Don't tell them what HV stands for we don't want to share it too widely. Do we?

phew. all done. Just go take a shower then its Splice the main brace time.

Will be back very soon, I could tell you but then I'd have to kill you and that would be such a waste.

Apologies dear lady but I have an aversion to wrapping my lips around anything tubular. However as Sir Billy has previously advised I enjoy beating the crap out of a Lambeg drum :big_tongue:

David, I fear your ear and nasal condition is affecting your cognisant ability.. Me read the HSE manual..... what ever gave you the impression injuneers could read?... we only look at the pictures :huh:

Duraglit... indeed Brasso flavoured candy floss or chewing tobacco for Squeek and Eric :eat_arrow:

in which case why are the tappets rattling away like a skellington abusing itself in a biscuit tin? :huh:

Sir William, CED and I taught you better than that, methinks you were using the wrong size tool :wink:

A biscuit tin would not accommodate a skellington. We have owned both.

Oops my mistake Farmer John, I meant to say skeleton... but I did previously admit injuneers can't read :chuckle:

For we can wrestle and fight, my boys, and jump o'er anywhere, and that is handy in the engine room.

Hydrogen Peroxide eh? Weird stuff. The stuff of an inebriated matelot's nightmares after an encounter with a damsel of nocturnal habits with artificially lightened tresses. Also alleged to give submersible objects a higher than expected level of performance and endurance in dark wet places. Some early attempts to get man to go straight up vertically were driven by a combination of Hydrogen Peroxide and other devilishly noxious substances.

Hydrogen Peroxide. Try not to touch it, myself. :big_tongue:

This vessel also used Hydrogen Peroxide to boost engine speed, HMS Deepwater on her way from Vernon to the Breakers.
A former war prize from Germany, due to her unusual engineering a German scratch crew under Armed Guard sailed her over here, however the Germans tried to sabotage the Engineroom and all German Crew were interned when they arrived in GB.
The RN did try to run the HP system but decided it was too dangerous and disconnected it.
I have been aboard her when she was alongside HMS Vernon in 1958, interesting Engineroom.

I used a fag packet to gauge the gap Tmac. Maybe some rubber caps over the valve stems would help.

I have just checked, I can't find the set of three angled spanners for setting the tappets on the sidevalve Morris 8, they would have been a sovereign help to you, Sir William. You also need a mirror, feeler gauges and a 5th hand to turn the handcrank on the engine.

Do you know, no one has ever shown me where the indicators are on the GD. I am an old fashioned person and use the hand signals, but there must be some on the old electric somewhere.

Oh! When you look on the wine when it is Red, be prepared for a fate worse that death. (To quote Mother!) :big_tongue:

Come up to the wheelhouse, Farmer John and I'll show you our indicator system. It is actually a hybrid system -- those levers just outside the wheelhouse doors which were originally meant to operate just the steam whistles are now connected by cable systems to both the port and starboard indicators, which tru to form light up when protracted. The whistles still work in conjunction with the indicators - one short blast with the one to starboard, and two short blasts with the one to port. The electrical manner of operation of the indicators is more subtle -- to operate the starboard indicator one has to simply place one's hand on the starboard Lord Kelvin's Ball. To retract the indicator, remove your hand. The same procedure works for the port indicator. Needless to say, playing with Lord Kelvin' Balls can provide misleading information to nearby vessels.

There, unless there are any further questions, it's time for a couple of tots of Four Bells. :pint:

And I don't really think it is much nicer than beer either.

Port and starboard lights will blink automaticly when we turn Farmer John. Tmac thinks of everything.

Philistine. I thought better of you Varley.:(

Please explain.

If you look at a large compass binnacle, you will see two large iron spheres. These are Lord Kelvin's balls. Careful manipulation of them helps compensate for the magnetic effect of the ship's structure.

I can't keep this up, I am laughing so much. Just don't bang them together, Lord Kelvin will appear and give you a sheepshank.

I believe American ships paint them red and green so the helmsman will know which way to turn the wheel.

any news on the entertainment bars ashore Tom.

Farmer John, I'm surprised, are you taking the mickey out of me?

Red-17 I am sorry, that really is the truth, apart from the not banging them together, but you try saying it with a straight face on this thread.

Hitler would never have made a seaman, apparently he only had one ball :wink:

I am reliably informed Lord Kelvin hated Christmas because he would be hung by his balls from the crosstrees. :big_tongue:

happy you are back Tmac. Come, join me in the bar, dont mind my drum kit in the corner...(told Red-17 you have a big one)...Drum that is.
Steward! large black bush and a large malt please...oh what the heck bring a bottle of each.