The 'fill it up to the roof' and then sit down and read the paper brigade. :wave:

You are quick on the uptake YM, I think you have the makings of a good Stoker. As well as reading the sports pages you have the time for a leisurely Jimmy or Tom.
Don't be a Luddite all your life, put your trust in Messers Bailey, Hagen, Foxboro-Yoxall, Verolme Elektra or Decca Isis; they won't let you down.

Thank you ES.
I continue to work on my technique to blow smoke rings from the funnel but the main property of the cheap Indian coal that we have is not to make steam or smoke rings - just green smoke and little steam.
You, not being a Luddite, would know this; would it help to mix some uranium with the coal do you think?
Is it worse to be a Luddite or a dinosaur? Think that I might be both!

You have to get used to that shovel. Its made in H&W secret workshop and is fitted with a Sturmey Archer 3 speed device.

If it's anything like my pushie I seem to be using ever lower gears these days. :jester:

TmaxBritish Steel tells me it is definitely a Belfast spade and the Sturmey Archer is like the Bridge Telegraph: Dead Slow, Slow and Half. He was quite vague about Ahead or Astern but I'm sure YM will master it soonest. Liaise with him.

YM's rule for those who ride pushies (Sturmey Archer or not)!

Either look where you are going or go where you are looking.
I was doing neither along the path at Port Melbourne Beach one summer many years ago and broke two ribs. It must have been spectacular to watch.
All in the name of getting ship photos for you lot of course.

Great Watt! Even in stoking there must be guidance from the 'lectric. I have the instructions and there will soon be a repro Kilroy Stoking Indicator for your guidance (sorry, I forgot guidance is for wise men. I meant obedience).

Apart from installing the thing will you be moving in down here to maintain it? Can I therefore assume that you will be able to give me a spell sometime? Don't forget that this is a NO SMOKING area however.

ES has previously pointed out my aversion to modern, unnecessary, electrickery things and the complications that come with them. Many such are merely solutions in search of a problem. Nevertheless, should installation ever be completed I have a sweaty ready in hand to stuff into the gong thingy immediately.

I have already disconnected the H&W designed and built Sturmey Archer gearing from my finely balanced, highly polished shovel with the best Australian hardwood handle engraved SS Mundrabilla. It works much better now.

And of course nothing to do with the Bikini girls an the beach.

BB,
There were only 11 of them in that particular area at the time. ..............

YM, a quiet word in your shell like............

Captain BB, The Hon Tmax, The Earl of Varley, Malcolm G of that Ilk and the Maharaja of Serang stiffen when referred too as "You Lot". We accept the easy familiarity of our Australian Cousins but you must be aware of the invisible line you must not cross. A "Double DR" awaits you if this behaviour continues. You may not be invited to Henley Regatta or Cowes Week and your social diary will be as arid as Ayres Rock.

Better to have crossed the line than the bar, I suppose.

ES I am rather partial to the desert - bit like Brer Rabbit and the Briar Patch I suppose but I gratefully accept your wise counsel and I will be more respectful in future. Perhaps the potential for promotion mentioned a while ago carried me away.

The phrase used in these circumstances in my own industry was:

'Fined 10/-. Cautioned and warned that any repetition may be recorded on your Record of Service'.

As to Ayers Rock it can get stuffed as we are not allowed to climb it anymore.

Is that funnel soot covering their whites? :cloud: 'Oh dear, how sad, too bad, never mind'.

The appropriate signature line goes like this I believe:

'Your humble and obedient servant' .... :wave::jester::jester:

A quiet word generally does the trick, Captain BB, The Hon Tmax, The Earl of Varley and Malcolm G of that Ilk can be terribly stuffy and I applaud you for bursting their pomposity, Cheers YM you're a Ripper.

Pompous? Who? Harumph!

:applause::jester:

Well I've heard it all now, YM shovelling HFO and blowing smoke rings up my funnel.

ES what the hell are you doing? you have let the underling injuneers run amok down in the pit. As for bursting my pomposity, have you ever met a stuffy H&W wallah?.... I fear you need to be chastised with the liberal application of my flogging spanner in your nether regions. :huh:

stewards are quiet and smiling, my deck technicians (cut outs) are on the ball, the Engineering staff are.....well....they are engineering staff of the highest quality and labouring away below doing that wat engineers do. my electrical officer is in the shack as can be seen by the cloud of cigar smoke comming out of the port hole. Captain, first and second mate, bosun, chippy, commodore and the cook are still missing so vacancies must be filled and soon.
we have to vacate this berth tomorrow morning so where to go next is the question.

He's the Ripper? I have been receiving all sorts of telegrams about an Ethel Neave. Are you sure he isn't of Family Crippen?

(I can do a bit of cooking myself, beef Nelson being a speciality, but a third string to my bow might be seen as a boast - anyway I am short of ingredients. Fortnum's has stopped delivering to the Island as their 'delivery partner' is struggling with Brexit - I do hope they haven't confused us with enemy occupied Hibernia. I am to to a barbeque 'up north' on Sunday, I will have to harvest some local garden detritus to sprinkle on my raw-inside offal tube sandwiches).

'... Well I've heard it all now, YM shovelling HFO and blowing smoke rings up my funnel. ... '

I thought that sweeping up had become somewhat more difficult recently.

• When did we convert to oil?
• Why wasn't I told?
• Nobody tells me anything.

As the YMs :flowers: frequently tells me:
'I'm not a mind reader you know!'

Ah poor old Ethel, she moved to Canada, a fate worse than hanging, and married a Mr YM Toronto.

She will have known the Lone Ranger quite well, then.

I knew the IOM had a Kemosahbee somewhere, probably in the plains of Sulby. And I was right.

I don't know about that Korean(?) delicacy but we do have a Japanese restaurant, in Castletown. I think fermented cabbage would be a bit too rich for the Sulby Glen Hotel although they do a good carvery of a Sunday.

Captains Log, Hangoverdate Tuesday 29,; Day Dawns Bright and Clear. Only me and Herr Anschutz showing a leg. Frau Anschutz advised Not to do so as strong passions are rippling just below the circus, Woops the surface.

Any North Seeking gyroscope or associated course keeping apparatus which is showing a leg is much like a diesel engine showing one. Broken, possibly very or utmostly broken. Urgently - Put a plastico on the wheel and summon a deck orifice wot kno about that goblin on the monkey island with the lodestone in it.

Also 'hangover'. You are not getting in enough practice. The practiced do not get hangovers only early liver failure.

Dear dodgy liver, the gist of my post was that there was No navigators available. Must one bomb an orphanage prior to posting?

Now then lads, Settle down and prepare for sea. The Agent says to proceed to Sandakan and await instructions. he is negotiating a job for us from there. we sail in one hour.

As to your target E-S, I make no complaint. As to timing, I am unable to fathom the relevance.

Good God don't tell me after Brexit that Droggy is changing his charts back to Fathoms, where a charted depth of 1 metre is approx. 0.54680665 fathoms.
Expect many groundings and I propose we use Bar profits to buy a salvage tug.

A proper tug - not one of those new-fangled, coming and going, rotund, bi-sexual thingys.

Lovely old tug that is. From the days when tugs looked like tugs.

A lovely old tug that couldn't pull Bruce off Shelia.

'Evening crew type persons, I admit I've been a bit quiet of late but I have been busy invete....invtent....invtente... making some new gear for the injun room. I have installed a FPSO (flatulence powered spinning overdrive) for the whirly thing at the back wot goes round and round and gets us places. I have recruited both ES and Varley to supply the necessary gas power by restricting their diet to Guinness, boiled eggs, baked beans and curry. To ensure contenuit....contuneit... no interruption in supply each has had a flexible supply pipe attached to their stern gland. Of course such a connection restricts movement but as each is confined to the boiler flat and have nowhere else to go the arrangement should suffice for the moment.

The only problem is that at full power my funnel suite reeks of s**t especially when downwind of the ER fiddley. However Sir William is delighted with the modifications as he is saving a small fortune on fuel oil and new shovels for YM-M.

No need to thank me or stand in awe of my brilliance, a pint of Black Bush will suffice. :applause::applause:

I have no need of a diet recommendation from wooly and wild of Hibernia to compete at the annual Shitham-on-Pease Flatulentalists Gala but you can tell Sir W that just because it is smelly and not provided by Bunkers-are-us don't mean he don't have to fork out for it.

(Forks are not usually needed for a full stem, anyway. Depends on the pulse content)

And as for your oar of brilliance. Guess where that is getting shoved.

I will 'stand in awe' as it will be cheaper for me. The YMs and my kids don't call me a 'miserable coot' for nothing.

Even allowing for the duty free, bulk purchase and crew discount on Black Bush that is available aboard the GD I still feel that someone is profiteering on the sale thereof.

Coot???? Shurley a spelling mistake.

here we are anchored off Sandakan as instructed and now I hear from the agent the jobs fell through.
we are free to lay up or cruise around. Anyone want to visit a port of interest let me know.
its getting boring with no work and our bank balances are suffering.
Need paying jobs urgent.
Mr Varley, will you kindly get on to other agents and see if there is anything going that will swell the coffers.

Hello Tmac, hear you been busy under the plates again. come along to the crews bar and I will stand you a case of Black bush.

British North Borneo, what, what? Perhaps a clandestine endeavour out of kota kinabalu for HMG (no, we haven't got any such orders but I like the sound of the place).

In another time we had a client from those necks of the jungle - While in the back of a taxi searching for a Halal meal in Saudi Shields I suggested he might approach the boss's PA with an offer of some decimal of a camel "Oh you mean the woman that runs the office? I'd rather not". A pity, perhaps the exchange rate camel/cow was unfavourable.