all the years to hearing H&W riveting guns plus the engine room noises make him a bit edgy. buy He is the best engineer and we are lucky to have him.

BAH HUMBUG !!!!!! jealousy is a terrible thing :chuckle:

Hey?..who?...what?... who said that? Excuse me if I am slow to respond but after a fight with cookie I have sponge in one ear and custard and jelly in the other and therefore am a trifle deaf. :confused:

You are too kind Sir William, your cheque/bribe is in the post :jester:

Aye, aye. Chief's up. That new case can't have reached him yet surely so he must just have come around from finishing the one you bunged him for not blowing tubes when those young ladies were taking a turn on the monkey Island.

SORRY CHIEF. I SAY FELLOWS, THE CHIEF ENGINEER IS ABROAD AND TAKING SOLIDS. HE CAN'T HAVE GOT TO SIR W'S LATEST WEE GIFT SO I'LL SEND THE BOY TO COLLECT THE EMPTIES BEFORE THE PLASTICOS COMPLAIN. HE REALLY SHOULD KNOW BY NOW THAT COOKIE'S A PROFESSIONAL AND WOULDN'T COMMIT TRIFLE LIKE THAT. HE MUST HAVE BEEN LAYING IN THE BAIN MARIE - AGAIN - HOW HE MANAGED TO GET AFTERS IN BOTH SIDES IS BEYOND ME BUT AS HE TELLS US (MANY TIMES AND OFT) HE IS A HARLAND'S MAN.

See Readers! we have a happy ship again. Vacancy's for a captain, mate and commodore still open. a ships cook would also be welcome.

It's you own fault you are having to cover the mate's watches. If you hadn't told him to spring in the air he wouldn't have been rude enough for you to sack him (at least that used some of the cheaper sherry - I am for a chilled Manzanilla before meals, doesn't go with breakfast muesli so gulp it down as a livener).

CHIEF, I'VE PINNED A COPY ON THE SALOON DOOR.

(Can't keep up the shouting without using Gargle de Douro which is rather a waste. I wonder if we could blow out his lugs with WD40 or may be drops of ACC9 - he's had a go using walnut hulls but his lobes don't flap quickly enough).

Nay not I Mr Varley....I simple implied that he should go forth and multiply.

No applicants for Skipper, mate or cook yet. Best paying jobs afloat but no one interested as yet. So I must soldier on with it.

If not for the likes of Tmac and yourself this ship would have been in lay up a long time ago.
Anyway Ecdis suggests we cold make landfall in 5 days from now. Perhaps some good folk will sign on there.

Have we left ES behind somewhere?

Think Tmac has ES down the tunnel checking the shaft bearings. He has a hammock down there so could be a while.

Ah! All is revealed, not that I would admit it, but it has been kind of lonely, but peaceful, down here without him picking on me. :curtain_call:

Tmac seems to trust ES implicitly between his royal visits of inspection that is. Is it true that on one visit, long before my time of course, that his MBE got caught on a big end and nearly dragged him into the crankcase? :very_sad:

Better get the boy to check the shaft bearings, he that normally watcheth over them may be neither slumbering nor sleeping, he may just be ashore in his bothie clutching a flagon of early-crop bathjuice.

I think E-S has been, like me, smarting from the guidance received from on high that our mirth was insufficiently intellectual and when spilled onto other threads was unwelcome.

Been rather quite since, what? Might have to think 'press gang'. Is MN allowed such? I know, I know, a volunteer is worth ten pressed men (is that how the Cutouts got that flat?). Press any of the rest of us and it'll be something worse than from the bothiebath at one end and oefsprout vindaloo at the other.

(Is the gong ribbon usually long enough to reach one's big end?)

ES has not been seen on board since 12th July when he requested shore leave with his Lambeg drum. I granted this willingly as the feckin' noise he was making on the steering gear flat would raise the dead. He assures me the noise actually is a tune but I have my doubts in this regard.

Anyhoo he was last seen banging away (on his drum) and marching up the quayside. I know Finaghy is a long walk from where we are but he is a fit lad and has his egg and soldiers every morning.

Squeek and Eric have been standing by for him while ensuring complete systems functionality to Mr Varleys accommodation. A/C, hot and cold running stewards, full meal service and a nice selection of Havanas and port for his delectation as afters. Us injuneers are nothing if not flexible, just ask the plastico's bent over the shafting.

I shall now convey myself into the depths of the pit to inspect the minions therein.

And much obliged I am too but do remember I do my bit, they'd not be half as effective if they were working in the dark( AC? I know that but I'm surprised a plumber does).

Hm. A plastico in that position, who'd have thought? You shouldn't have described it as shafting.

As R-Jarry once said; He hasn't gone away you know.

we will be mid Atlantic by noon tomorrow. could be an excuse for a pool bar party.
God for moral they say, cant say as I've met Moral as yet, Who is he? a Seward perhaps?

Steward! organise a party for noon tomorrow will you at the pool bar..yes we will require nibbles too.
Oh and make sure there is some vintage port available, the good stuff! Mr Varley is most particular about his port.

Well, if He is then no one can be against Moral.

It's the sort of name that should have a Handel to it. Sir Moral Seward or Baron Moral of Seward? perhaps. Get the Debretts from its locker and look him up. Can't be that posh travelling with us but he might be flush enough to cover the bar bill (I have in the back of my mind and Archdeacon of similar name. That might put a dampener on the festivities).

(On that topic, I hope you did not fill the Port tanks with Vintage. I only pay for Tawny)

I have a mortal dread of dentists for over 60 years caused by a butcher of the mobile school dental service.
My advice to you, Billy Boy, is to compose yourself and get the job done under general anaesthetic and when on the mend, SUE.

Sue every bugger and his sister, the dentist, the dental practice, the hospital and the caterers as its 50/50 that you will get food poisoning whilst in hospital. Eating your jelly and ice cream.

I'll send you the details of my solicitors, "Sue, Grabit and Run" of Larne Co Antrim. A new Merc will be sitting in your drive before you can say Colegate.

I have a simple remedy that works to ensure I have painless dentistry. Simply grab the Dentist by the balls and say "we aren't going to hurt each other are we?" In the case of a female Dentist any one of the lumpy bits at the front will suffice.

I have a dental procedure scheduled for Tuesday 7th, dunno what's worse the procedure or the cost £1200..... feckin Dick Turpin wore a mask !!!!

[QUOTE=Engine Serang;39834]I have a mortal dread of dentists for over 60 years caused by a butcher of the mobile school dental service.

Must be the same bar steward that treated me :really_mad::really_mad: There are only two people in this world I hate and they are both Dentists :yawn:

Sir W. I take it Lambs doesn't work. I hope they get them out (before winter otherwise you won't be able to plant for a crop next year). Can't help with method if expert can't wrap the string around the offending articles then me knwing how the do the other end and slam the door is no eartly use.

Chief, what? Over a grand!

I have just made an appointment for a routine eyetesting due, as 'they' informed me in September.

So well prepared for the response to their reminder were they that I am offered one on the 20th October. It was made quite plain that I could have an earlier one of a paid for a barrage of additional tests which I declined (as I am already on the consultant's list and reckon he is the more to be followed).

A formerly private concern I have used for years it was taken over by a 'chain' three years or so ago and has gone rogue. No option is available without a side helping of tinting, toughening, polarisation or some other unnecessary titillation. I would have changed some tim ago but they have a frame of mine 'hostage' (I usually have a frame already chosen to use with a new prescription and then start the process of finding a suitable frame to be next spare (this is often the difficult bit as there is never one exactly the same, which I would prefer, and sometimes none suitable for a month or two's searching. A new prescription this time will see the end of that and I will take find somewhere that treats me as a patient and not a federal reserve.

The bit I don't understand is when I choose two pairs for Euro 189 it costs about Euro 450 and a hard sell for a hearing aid.

It is because they are no longer made from brass-band offcuts by a trumpsmith with a peening hammer. They are sophisticated electronic minikit and as such I and my tribe are due a fair tithe.

EITHER THAT OR WE TREAT YOU AND TMAC THE SAME. JUST DANGLE A PIECE OF STRING ROUND YOUR EAR AND PUT THE OTHER END IN YOUR SHIRT POCKET. NO ELECKTRICKERY BUT EVERYONE WILL THINK YOU ARE WEARING YOUR FATHER'S AND SO, OF COURSE, SHOUT.

(Seriously, although all plumbers are deaf this is not always due to Plumbers Lug. My leader had a very-nasty, masked by what was assumed to be overexposure to noise. Fortunately it was discovered in time for us to stop the contract we had out on him - the accommodation he made for increasing deafness failed to be matched by that made by his troops! The cause should be fully 'probed').

Extract two wisdom teeth, no harm will be done as I am already an idiot, plus one broken fang. Price includes drug to freeze the gub and "sanitation" I obviously had the mistaken impression that I was clean as I wash (occasionally) but apparently one needs sanitised due to the dreaded lurgy.:bad_mad:

Alas after treatment by bark will be worse than my bite but nevertheless I can still administer a nasty suck when required :eat_arrow:

As long as you can suck out of a pint glass you will be fine and don't forget there's eating and drinking in Guinness. Its quare stuff.

I say E-S!,

Our new pal is from the USA I understand. He could put in a good word for you in regards to a position on an SL-7, surely the steam man's dream?

I am not sure about their navigators though. I note that the US Geological survey were involved in a report on the class's continued longevity. I trust Sir W's team understand that Mrs. V would NOT like her little boy to be here if they know only how hard the solid geography may be rather than how to avoid it.

gum gum lithsp. only free teef left lower front. Have to go for surgery soon. need a GA to get them out plus the broken root.
Juth thoup and mash for me pleath steward

Steward!

It might be a kindness if you took Sir W's slop to him in his dayroom same-same amateur Navy. Not so much a kindness to us but until the anaesthetic has worn off he will be dribbling prattie laden thoup down himself like one of my brethren with post nightcap munchies.

I say E-S!,

Is this your impression of Terry Thomas. It's a bloody good one.

As you sit in Chez V surrounded by Meggers you appear to have formed the impression that I woyld delight in a trip on a steam ship. And you are not wrong but I am a Motor Man at heart. Greasy Beasts are Us.

In a family where my generation was greeted by the senior of last with a cheery "What ho?" which was equally cheerfully returned I suggest Mr. Thomas was something of a plagiarist.

Did you suffer some trauma in Texaco? Can one tangentially inject to improve the quality of those occasionally intermittent explosions so essential to Dr. Rudolph's magnum opus?

(They do not surround me but I must admit to a shortage of opportunities to display them all where my SiL would not be surprised or offended. I should have added that all bar one are in working order).

Are you sure you are not using a dockyard matey instead of a dentist Sir W? Why does everyone who has a claim to the portage account demand a GA. If it needs to be to scale you'll have to ask the office otherwise I'll ask Tmac to put steam on the photocopier.

(By the by. Have you ever been to Tombstone?)

Mr Thomas a Plagiarist!!!!!! What an absolute rotter.

Did I suffer some trauma in Texaco? I did indeed suffer many trauma's during my time with Texaco, by far and away the worst was being relieved on the Texaco Frankfurt by a Maltese Junior. Oh the indignity of having one of Dom Mintoff's fitters relieving me; a graduate of Hull College of Technology and Southampton College of Technology . I had to go into Rehab.

Pleasant chaps. We had a slack handful on Spain or London (perhaps both) managed to get them to sign for their electricity bills (everyone got one for authenticity but the three part tariff penalised them harshly for a lousy power factor).

Nay Sir not I, Once lived in a bungalow at "Bishopstone, Been to Stonehenge, but never tombstone.

Never been to Bishopstone or Tombstone but tombstones generally are far more interesting and exciting than Stonehenge.

I think to describe another's laughing-gear as a henge would be veering from mild teasing towards pistols at dawn (or pithtols ad norn).

Bishopstone near Seaford?

And where, in the name of the great Navigator (Portuguese Harry) are we and when? Did the red lever get us to NOLA in time for 1971 or not?

thwee days from docking in New Orleans Mr Varley.

Born and bred in Newhaven, Lived in Bishopstone and Seaford plus 35 years in Leamington Spa. Englands furthest point from salt water. Now retired in the southern Philippines)

But what year are we visiting? an ETA three days hence suggest the red lever works no better than the red button.

Uncle Bruv practiced at Shoreham's Southland Hospital for many years. I was at School in Seaford '58-'64.

Good lord David we were near neighbours. 63 ish I was driving a maroon Humber hawk taxi around Seaford. Had a flat in what used to be Seaford house hotel in crouch lane. Perhaps you were an admirer of the Annecy convent girls.....LOL

Near neighbours, what a coincidence. I sometimes wonder if Tmax ever lived in Belfast or East Antrim? I know the oul riveter has too much taste ever to have driven a Humber Hawk. Sound man.