Used to drive a Humber Snipe many years ago when they were standard Oz Government VIP cars before they switched to Ford Customlines and Fairlanes over the years.

I don't know why me, but I was often tasked with driving senior officers here and there. I recall going sideways down Clarendon Street in South Melbourne in the wet one day in the Humber. I didn't hit anything but the Stores Branch finally recognised that it DID need new tyres.:jump::eek:

Oh calamity, Sunday Times tells me that the delightful Nigella Lawson says, "Up until fairly recently what makes Marmite such a compelling ingredient to cook with was the resonant depth that underpinned its brazen saltiness. I still get a hankering for it but over the past few years Marmite seems to have lost those deeper notes and its hard really to taste much beyond the high pitched saltiness. I have begun to prefer the malty, resonant savouriness of Vegemite".

I think the couple of slaps has unhinged her and she needs a few months complete rest. Could YM arrange a Billabong in the Nullabor for her complete with roos, didgeridoos and them wooden things that come back when thrown at a dingo.

Clearly the woman is not unhinged in preferring Vegemite to Marmite. There is no comparison between the two products.

In fact, both the Vegemite Factory and the smell from the production of Vegemite in Port Melbourne have recently been proposed for recognition by some Heritage body or other. It is not clear how one records or preserves the smell.

Nigella would be welcome to cook at my restaurant at Mundrabilla on the Nullarbor Plain. I should point out, however, that there are few ingredients available nor are there, kangaroos, any of the indigenous artefacts that you mention or a billabong. In fact, there is no water but there was a (useless) 448 metre deep bore there in the old days. Our water was 'imported' in a water gin (tank wagon) when I was there.

I hope that the foregoing will dissuade Nigella from coming but Fiona Bruce would be most welcome instead.

Here is my restaurant at Mundrabilla as an enticement:

St.Wilfrid's (Sutton Avenue) young gentlemen were not aware of young ladies until the last day of their last term when Randall Darwall-Smith (one of our two headmasters) gave us 'the talk'.

I remember a contemporary at that lecture asking if 'it' was pleasant. "Of course it's pleasant you stupid boy! You don't think the good Lord would have made the wonderful making of a new life nasty?" (the place was rather big on superstitions "Fear God and honour the King" the motto, only half of which rubbed off on me.

Nonetheless Annecy rings a bell(e) and I am not pretending that some of us had not discovered the noble art of manually enjoying positive portuguese displacement activities (nothing queer about Jerry Bates who introduced me to the exercise just a kind chap who thought I should know what I was missing).

The only two hotels I remember were the Seaford Head Golf Club and the Esplanade. The latter being where a bomb had blown a lavatory door off when Mrs. Moon (the mother of our other headmaster) was ensconced therein. As prep. schools, stupidly (and to my eternal detriment), did not 'do' science I can only think this was a German one rather classroom made.

What a wonderful place those sidings of his train set - gin provided in tankers. Not even a pom would whinge at that.

Must be a bit rough, though, to have to throw things to keep the wildlife from eating babies.

Jeez here I am over in the Nullarbor Working Mens Club, Bar and Institute trying to get one of our newsreaders to join Nigella and YM for a break without that ugly bugger Mould and I find my cobber's all in the Zimmer suburb of Eastbourne.
Ps has Lord Varley had a thump on the head recently? Mr Southgate ought to rest him.

Nullarbor desert flats. They're nearer Adelaide than New Orleans. I suppose the bridge will blame the deviation of 9600 miles odd is down to ECDIS. No way will we make our Canal Street berth tomorrow, red button or no.

I don't know where you would get a walking frame but I am sure any port would have a shoe repairer nearby. What is a bugger mould? Surely there are enough about without resorting to casting them.

(My head is fine thank you. It just needs another mow with the beard clippers and No.1 spacer. I think Seaford now almost dormitory for London rater than traffic regulated cemetery but many Moons since I was there. School built over in the 90s. I have a vague recollection that Pa, who was stationed on the South Coast by the time of the invasion had saucier stories of the Esplanade Hotel and often exclaimed with glee that he had sent me to "Sunny Seaford by the Sea, where the shingle is delivered right to the door").

I once has Humber Super Snipe series II - Auto box and power steering.
One January morning I had to get to a business meeting at 09:00, about 35 -40 miles from home.
Part of the journey took me over a high exposed road, it had been snowing, the road may or may not have had grit applied.
With the auto box continually trying to kick down and the power steering taking over and hitting lock to lock, I travelled about four miles going sideways, one side and then the other, until I arrived at civilisation and was able to point the vehicle in the direction of travel.

Very Interesting but I would not care to repeat it.

Yep stayed in a staff room there with my parents one Christmas. That Esplanade hotel would move during a storm. Been demolished now. Te sea would have eventually brought it down anyway.

The Humber Snipe and Super Snipe are really 4th Division, League Two, along with Oldham Athletic and Port Vale. It will remain in the doldrums until Mike Brewer or Wayne Carini buys one.
What about the Humber Sceptre, a motor that really fires the imagination and put Coventry on the map.

Humber Sceptre?
A tarted up Hillman Minx you mean.
I had a Singer Gazelle - Minx body with Singer engine and radiator grill.
Roll on Ed China restoring a Humber Imperial.

Were getting to the Rootes of the problem, if you put lipstick on a Singer it still is a Singer.

The Singer grill was attached to the bonnet.
When one leant into the engine it was just the right height to gash your forehead.
I found that my barge cap helped - to soak up the blood and stop it running down my face.

Uncle Teddy had Humbers. By the time he was finished with one on the farm (Great Butts, Cousely Wood) it was barely fit for the road. I clearly remember the smell of the upholstery. Leather, dog and manure.

My first car was an Austin A40 Farina, two tone blue and rust. Bloody thing had no first gear and the synchromesh was a gearbox full of sawdust.

IMPORTANT CREW ANNOUNCEMENT :- (don't say you weren't warned) :cloud:

To emulate Sir Williams recent dental adventures I had two wisdom teeth removed yesterday, no need for alarm as I already am a certified idiot, plus one broken fang extracted. My usual procedure of grabbing the dentist somewhere tender (this was a lady) and saying "we aren't going to hurt each other are we"? didn't work :bad_mad: so I was then and am now in feckin' agony. Therefore any disturbance or spurious calls to the injun room will be met with a predictable response. Any questions or requests will be handled by ES just as soon as he returns from the nefarious activities he is currently engaged in. I just want to crawl into my bunk and die :very_sad::very_sad:

Chief, If you are down there anyway can I have the seawater temperature please?

What do you mean "thuck ornth"? Just make with it, pronto. Water and air on deck after smokoe too, please?. Chop-chop now.

-

There was a Humber Hawk as well I think - ended up with the same smell of manure.

*^+<***"£ !!!! I now know where to find sympathy in your dictionary, between sh1t and syphilis. Hope you enjoy the arctic blast in your cabin :smoking: that'll Larne ya :supercool:

So what do you ekthpekt as demonthtatun of thimpothie? As the ethnic eau de prattie harvest has obviously failed to numb the pain I thought you needed something to take your mind off your gnashers (or rather lack thereof). Just don't put the Tawny to your lipths until you are least sensate enough to not thpil it.

I see your hearing has improved did the gas blow out the old Euston Station tubes?

Ah. I see I've stumbled upon the SH rubber room? (No offense intended. I'll likely fit in).

On modern ships they now have something called 'Bridge Resource Management'.
We have something similar, but more like Steering by Committee,

Does anyone know where we are at the moment?

I know where I am.
Right the the east of this computer. Which by the way is an obsolete Dell laptop - hotrodded with a half terabyte hard drive, and more upgrades I really don't understand. Or want to.:bounce:


I'll get my precise coordinates. Here - 44d - 19' - 46" N; 74d -7'-53" W.

Steering committee? Didn't Warmington-on-Sea's Parish Council have one of those?

The only thing for steering gear is rams and hunting gear. Anyone keeping a tally of IMO steering gear failures against that that went before? (We had IMO equipped and with hunting gear but as more and precise engineering is required these, I fear, are to be seen no more).

"Bridge Resource Management" is a mechanism whereby the Ships management company sends the Master to train for a week, gives him a copy of the UK Chamber of Shipping Guide and then reduces his Bridge Officers by one. This trains the Master to send the Bosun and Cook down Aft to tie-up or let-go. And when the inevitable happens the poor old Ukrainian Master is hung out to dry.
Believe me it's every man for himself on the high seas.

Welcome aboard Mr E. von Hoegh. Glad to have you with us. I see from your CV that you have an interest in large diesel engines. Then you have come to the right place. Our engine room is of a rather highly classified nature. If certain people knew how our engines are capable of such fine performance we could end up with a world war. Hence you would need to sign the official secrets act. If you go up top to the Funnel suite you will find a man called Tmac. He is our top man engine wise and he invented our secret power boosters. Oh, by the way be sure to have a bottle of Black bush in each hand when you go up to apply for the Job.

I note that Mr E v H has provided real, actual coordinates.
Do members of the crew think that such a thing is a tad too precise to be used on that ECDIS thingy on the bridge of Golden Dreamer?
Enter that and who knows where we will end up.

I think we need an ECDIS upgrade (or better a Second Mate). I did enter the figures given but instead of a pretty picture and steering instruction I got "That'll be two and a half hours at gas mark 4".

The steering stand does have a 'Regulo' valve but the only thing like a clock runs 360 minutes to the full hour. The maker's man is on his way.

Reduce speed to 6 knots, steady as she goes. Cut outs stand by fore and aft.... Theres our berth up ahead starboard bow...ease her in a bit more. stop engines and let her drift a bit....slow astern Port...stop port. thruster to starboard.
Right cutouts get them lines ashore. 2 and one each end.
get the shore supply cable ashore and set the gangway.
FWE Tmac thank you.

Bollix, thank you!
The lazy bugger is still in his scratcher. It was I that moved them lever things and turned the handle on the wheelie thing to keep the fuel pressure up high.
This is the first port where His Lordship on the bridge didn't need a Double Full Astern followed immediately by a Double Full Ahead followed by a feed of abuse down the voicepipe. Perhaps the Pilot kicked him off the Bridge, Varley will tell me later over a few Tennants.
A couple of beers, a bite of grub and lets away doon the toon. Where are we? Not that it matters. Comm 'on lads, full ahead down the gangway.

Saranac Lake, northern New York state, USA. I'll confess that I googled the latitude and longitude, I presume they're related to a USGS benchmark somewhere in town.

Has New Orleans gone North? The makers man says were up the St.Lawrence and only stopped short of Royal Mountain because we had not paid for that chart data. He reckons the new bloke using degrees and minutes coupled with some idiot using the 'drop me off at home button' caused it to take us here. Anyone speak French? (my SiL says no one around here does).You can tell they'd never get a French King to take'em on again - they do a pretty good breakfast which would be an entirely new concept anywhere South of Dover.

Were not far from the new fella's place I say we hop across the border, go and help him pack and get his gear onboard. (Pretty little place E. v H, lucky you).

Between Hoegh Ugland and the St Lawrence is thousands of miles of virgin forest, same-same Plateau de Matto Grosso. It would take him 6 weeks to reach Toronto using machetes' and having pow-wows with Bear Grylls, 80 kgs of luggage will kill him. Big rethink Mr Vee.

Hmmmm, Seems theres plenty to see and do here. Might be a fun place after all.
https://www.expedia.com/things-to-do...%2F2021&swp=on

I don't know whose ECDIS is up a vectored creek but one must be. The one on the bridge reckons on an easy drive of 111 miles. I'll get the itinerant RAMAC man to come and look at the engine room's unit when he's finished up here. At the very least they need to be giving the same wrong information otherwise it will double our chances of hitting something, maybe a synchroscope is needed.

Up a vectored creek without a paddle. CNN tells me Nuu Hor Leans is under 6 foot of brackish water and that Torr Hon Toe is awaiting the big freeze and the first iceberg of the year. Our new crewman, Autoliner, could use Amtrak after all it served Joe well. Billy tell the Agent to meet him at the Union Passenger Terminal and bring him to the aptly named Basin Street where he can purge his furnace, sorry his content, woops contempt; by treating his shipmates to Southern Comfort and Mint Juleps. Its like the second coming of the Mardi Grass.

Basin street Loo's?? oh the basin street blues! Blues, Jazz, swing all part of my past skills. That reminds me, must get my drum set up from No 2 hold and give it a dusting off, Migh do some jamming with Tmac on his Lambeg.

Phew!! glad to be back aboard. My feet are killing me with all that walking. The museums and ancient churches were well worth a look though.
Steward! man the lounge bar will you theres a good chap

Culture, you can't fuck1ng beat it.

Does E. von Hoegh need to have a uniform fitted? Step into my office. Mind the trapdoor in front of my desk.

Welcome back aboard 'PAT'.
We need every bit of (in)sanity that we can get these days. There are some very senior officer positions available aboard I believe. No doubt you could get to wear one of your own stunning uniform creations up there in the fresh air. :yawn:

Ah PAT, great to have you aboard again. Looking at your wee foto on the top LH side of your Post you bear a striking resemblance to our Jolly Swagman, are you by any chance related? Perhaps second cousins?
And anyways Tmax needs a new arse in his uniform trousers and Sir vWilliam has bluemould on his jacket caused by constant dribbling. I suggest you pull on a pair of Marigolds and get stuck in.
I'll drop by later this morning and put a few drops of oil ion the hinges of your trapdoor.