Varley, a box of oranges is not the same as an orange box. And the pilot is rather short, but we keep lifting him up when he wants to see over the edge. Cheerful little chap, he seems to like crawling round the deck but his nurse looks out for him.

Steward, another magnum of Champagne, the last one seems to have evaporated.

Here, Tom, keep an eye on that while I extract the juice (from the oranges, Varley, not the box).

Eh/ Yawn....SDtretch....Pffffffffarrrrrrt!

Oh my head! steward. full English, coffee pot and Paracetamol if you please.

Burrrrrrrrrrrp!!

eh we slowing down! strange craft approaching too. got P1-lot on the side.
fliping heck we are there already! its the Pilot boat.

I prefer my Bucks fizz with blood orange juice. I trust you can bloody extract that from the box - you'll need to be quick that pilot fella's terrible wee. And you know from what disease that sort often suffer I'd hate the helmsman to be embarrassed by any orders given in bad language.

(I don't think it evaporation. I've been drinking it from a pint pot and my spectacles have not shown a hint of steaming up)

Steward, a Jeroboam of Champagne please, someone over there is drinking it from a silver chamber pot!

I shall be on the bridge with young master Pilot, everyone else, join in the F*cks Bizz party as you see fit.

(Steward, have a Methuselah of the best Charrington's Dark Mild on chill please. That'll bring them up short).

If it doesn't make them bitter first. :pint:

From recent aeronautic experiences, I was led to believe that orange boxes are actually called black boxes to record each and every movement, order, activity initiated by the crew. Given our upcoming top secret mission I suspect it is rather some kind of spy-ware to keep an eye on what we are doing. Mr. Varley would you please arrange to have it put into one of the Plastic Stewards' cabins with some high power electrickery jamming device to isolate it. If they ever recover it they'll have a fine old time trying to figure out what was going on in there.

The pilot can have the use of the stool in the bottom chart table drawer -- usually used to access the spare bottle of Bombay Sapphire on top of the wet locker. :wink: :wink:

The last time Mr Varley serviced the black box he wired the fibre optic cable to a 3-pin plug and jammed the bar till open for a week. It took Tmac 6 months to figure out the bar profits (zero) and bring us all to heel with his big, clunking shifter.

It is OK. Capt Celaya had the solution ready prepared on Conoco Europe. The vessel was provided with an early 'black box' actually a green top hat shaped hard disk on the rear wheelhouse bulkhead fed from the Digiflop stand alone ARPA. One was to rip this thing off its mountings when abandoning ship and carry it to the lifeboat.

"But, Davith, there is always a gap between the boat and the ship."

I am just away to make sure the Orange box will fit the gap.

(Since when has the Chief done the bar accounts instead of Sparkie? Oh I forgot, another casualty of GMDSS)

Tom, you show,once more, such an in depth knowledge of ships custom and etiquette.

There is no way no how am I or any of my injuneers inserting their tools into a black box, even if it is dyed orange. :huh:

Injuneers are especially careful to wipe their tools after every use and that any foreign material adhering to the surface is promptly removed with liberal applications of detergent, degreaser or failing that copious quantities of Lifebuoy soap. :p

The last black box I happened across had so much growth upon it I had to shave it to find the required orifice :big_tongue:

[QUOTE=

(Since when has the Chief done the bar accounts instead of Sparkie? Oh I forgot, another casualty of GMDSS)[/QUOTE]

Since I found the Sparkie had sticky fingers and had to introduce him to the vagaries of accountancy via suitably applied boots up the jacksie :mad: He now fully appreciates the mathematical nuance of injuneering calculations whereby 2+2 =5 because I said so. :confused:

Ah, the "Engineers' rule". Very similar to Procrustean rule, adjustment by 10" file or blob of weld to suit.

"Ah, Tmac! could thou and I with Fate conspire
To grasp this sorry Scheme of Things entire!
Would not we shatter it to bits-and then
Re-mould it nearer to the Heart's Desire!"

(partly Omar Kiam, who liked the shaver so much he bought the company)

I didn't know that Omar favoured shavers, especially young ones?

Injuneers don't usually use their tools as a rule ---- could it be that they are too short for most applications?? (In spite of what they claim to the contrary!) :bounce:

Forget the Injuneers, we're always in the background beavering away. The question is; Where is the Cook? I'm fed up with foreign muck tarted up with a little chiffonade of coriander.

I don't know that Omar did. Fitzgerald, on the other hand...…

Come mix a cup to give a spicy zing
and into the roast-a bag for turkeys fling
The bird with thyme has butter little way to baste
And lo, it's not-at-all to E-S's taste

(Ungrateful plumbing bastard, Sunday dinner every day, Christmas dinner Sundays)

Be fair to me please, in my whole life I have never turned down a portion of Roast Tom Turkey or Roast Tom Turkey with Gibblet Gravy or Roast Tom Turkey with Gibblet Gravy and a wee spoon of Cranberry Sauce. Brussel Sprouts should be optional but M&S Cauliflower Cheese is a must.
I will eat Indian, Chinese, Indonesian and French but at heart I'm a Paddy Nosher.

ES, we have all heard about this.

"Paddy & Murphy need a drink so they pool their money together but only have 50p so Paddy goes into the butchers & buys a sausage.

They enter a pub & order 2 pints of Guinness & down them in 1, when the barman asks for the cash Paddy puts the sausage into his fly & Murphy sucks it, the barman throws them out.

At the 10th pub Murphy says 'I can't do this anymore my knees are hurting'
Paddy says 'your knees! I lost the sausage in the 2nd pub' "

And the poor old turkey died in vain.

Came to a bloody end then?

Sorry, spellcheck not operative.

Our documents are loaded -- placed in a boat deck locker with the door welded shut. A considerable amount of cash was delivered in an unmarked car, with a similar amount to be paid when the cargo safely delivered. (We should be able to launder those proceeds at some point in the near future. :supercool:

Great Scot (Duncan)! I suppose we will have to give up our Sunday lunch treat in favour of Roast Tom tattie, potato goreng or Crispy spud with Guinness sauce. Leftovers done Murphies vindaloo on Mondays.

I am expecting an Irish lady to return from her homeland with Irish seed potato as I have promised another of that persuasion kitchen garden space. In some ways this is self help. If the latter comes back from doing the horses with another three sacks of the things we'll never get back to play in the garage.


(That car unmarked? Its bodywork looked like the wild men of Douglas had been at it with a plasma cutter).

Launder money, we can't launder pillowcases. Tmac's ironing is only average and mcCloggie's folding is suspect. Let's get a wee Chinaman ex RFA to get us all spick and span and give TA some OLQ's.

Ironing! The work of the devil. Cleanliness it is that is next to Godliness. Not flatness.

If every household did, say, an hours ironing per person per week that is about 11 million hours of dashings away with a 1 KW or so pointless contraption. 11 MWH a week. Save it I say, go crumpled.

Why is HM allowed to Maunder money or is that something different?