Bloody two pin plugs. Pull it out, turn it about and reconnect it, I have told the old man's tiger time and time again not to use the ECIS socket for father's moustache curlers.

Rochas, but it is rather an abstract idea to visit Rochas. What about I say Oporto (previous suggestion of Sevastopol I withdraw).

Fine by me David. Oporto it is then.
Ring down stand by please quatermaster
Cut outs! single up to a Brest slipper. Cable and gangway aboard soon as.
Right then. O-P-O-R-T-O press go!
Both Radars on, Iron Mike on standby.
Soon as main engines are on we'll get under way.

Chotto wee matte. Ring hold to the stables. Have we got enough potable water to run a complete Gunclean cycle on the port port tank and the flumes?

Tmac and E-S have been using all three for some black muck that they say is their ethnic version of the divine Mackeson. It ain't and I don't want to make a considerable investment in the Tawny nectar only to have it contaminated with undistilled bothiejuice.

Attention all crew. stand by for docking at Oporto.
Fuel, Water and Mr Varleys old Tawney await us on the quay.
also paper, crayons, grease and lub oil.

Cut outs to docking stations fore and aft. slow her to 5 knots.

OK, can we get a chemist to check the port tanks please? Just in case there is a hint of bothiebathjuice left to taint the maroon nectar.

happy to report that all vacant tanks have been cleaned and disinfected by my illustrious cut out crew.

Disinfected?
Dettol flavoured Port perhaps….

Think they used a pine disinfectant. rinsed off with fresh sterilised water. shines like a new pin they do.

Not only is Detollating bad for the cat it will be bad for anyone that spoils the nose of the Portuguese elixir in which I am investing,

(If they have managed a new pin instrad they know where I will be sideways shoving it).

Two tanks full and the third is half full and rising Mr Varley. The tanker driver says I can have whats left in his 5" pipe so I have cleaned and sterilised my Bath to act as a receiver for it.
Just bring a glass to my suite later and we will have a session.

When your new bestest mate, the tanker driver, *Pigs* his 5 inches your bath is going to pong a bit. Hope you and the Porto Kid like the whiff of pork scratchings.
Dolts.

I think the last 5" would be OK. We should have discarded the first as the last stem was Black bothiebathjuice.

I take it a pint pot is acceptable, something of a 'borrowing' glass only it usually doesn't last the journey back to my house.

Well bugger me if Her Maj hasn't gone and made Dodgy Douglas a City. Perhaps it's in honour of all the bank accounts held by Tory MP's.
My old Mucker, Charles Guard, tells me Douglas is falling apart and the sunken garden has Sunk. Will Tynwald give a grant for a lick of paint and a few geraniums before the Big Day.

Billy, me oul segotia, it would be fitting if we were alongside in Douglas and dressed-all-over for the Cityfication of Douglas and Lord V can impress all his Crochet Buddies. A Win-Win.

Oh ya Heathen ES I am ashamed and surprised that you would ignore the fair city of Bangor in the county of Down. :( I spent a fortnight there one night, bloody place was a cemetery with lights. The dead weren't buried there they were propped up at the bar in Romano's. :chuckle:

What's all this nonsense about tank pressing I hear doing the rounds? Any pressing up of tanks will be done by the injuneers as that is wot we do. The tank is full when the oily rag is flushed from the swan neck, so it is :supercool:

Douglas a city indeed..... never met the lad :chuckle:

Houl yer wheeissht Big Man , I've congratulated Mr Kelpie on Bangor and when Newtownabbey becomes a City I'll congratulate you.

The sunken gardens remain at their normal depth. It is the wallage surrounding them that has taken a hit that the powers that be are sensibly allowing its repair to be scheduled rather than rushed at. A pity as the rest of the prom looks quite dandy except for a horse-tramey bit. And so it should at the price, I would have slapped on a speed limit of 5 and left the expenditure until it was affordable.

HIC! ...Burrrrrrrrrp.

Haut to hunder whay. Chant bhe bitherd we will sail in the morning.

Pharrrrrrrrt!

Sound Man Billy, upholding the highest traditions of the Industry.

Now Ben my Chree's port of registry is proper urban I think it only proper we give her passing honours as we depart.

(And a toot on either alimentary orifice from the owner's suite does not count).

Give them a blast on the BIG horn we nicked off the Blue Lady a while back.

Just heard our Guinness tank is getting low so perhaps a visit to the Emerald Isle is in Order. If we get a berth in the Niffy we can get it pumped straight in.

Just as long as we use enclosed loading/vapour return. I wouldn't like to risk contaminating the port parcels with so much as a sniff of pseudoMackeson.

Have no fear crew type persons, the exhaust gas scrubbers I retro fitted remove all noxious niffs however the effect on the horn thingie leaves a lot to be desired Not so much a blast more a feeble squeek so ES has been positioned on the cowl with a loud speaker repeating every three minutes "get out of the feckin' way" All donations of throat lozenges would be appreciated as he no longer enjoys sucking a fisherman's friend. :chuckle:

Should you have garnered enough of the radio/leckie stuff to do that I am sure you would have been better with a parrot or a mynah bird. An owl would have taken an age to train, both to use the kit and follow the script.

See that readers! Mr Varley is back on form. Welcome back David.

He never left, the electrickery wallah merely had his landing gear rebuilt. :smoking:

Feel sure you could have made a new Knee joint for him Tmac. Plenty of stainless and brass in the stores.

There are many things that our gallant team makes in the quiet of the middle watch. It is not only that we fail to appreciate failures (of the trier and hero alike) that we stick to the use of Maker's or Class approved parts.

It did, however, sound as if a similar if less dilletante manufactory was in contemporaneous production and sharing the same theatre in which my port side knees were topping the bill.

The Memsahib is or rather was an NHS Nurse, and it goes without saying she married beneath herself.. At least that's what her mother always told me.
But lets move on, Memsahib believed orthopaedics was a wee bit agricultural and lacking the finesse of say, heart surgery therefore it could be argued that it was designed particularly for Farmer V. No surgical team would approach a semi conscious, semi naked V without a hammer, bow saw and e-schmally-stillison in their theatre pack.
Believe me Tmax and the Serang are out of their depth.

Trusting the dexterity of the surgeons has not left you with a 3o starboard list David.

Trusting it has...

and you know the correct fluid intake to make it right. :pint:

Good morning 170 Driver. with a handle like yours I could do with you up on the bridge. we are so low on crew numbers due to so many fine men crossing the bar.
I can print you out a skippers ticket if you fancy having a go!

I am not sure agricultural adequately addresses the acoustic environment. I was fully awake, the 'grass' was much as a gentile cocktail party or even coffee morning (or so I imagine) the excursions were as a primitive shipyard in full production.

When the torture of physioterrorism has achieved its best then I will start experimenting with permanent ballast. The Port merely substitutes for the paracetamol I have not yet dug in to the carrier bag full of opiates (and don't intend to do so regardless of the advice that the pain relief is necessary in order to properly do the physio.

I have mowed the top lawn twice and can walk to and from 'town' (beg pardon, city) although it is now the Stbd knee and spine (all diagnosed with various severity of osteoarthritis) that threaten my mobility more than the prosthesis. Ale quaffing equipment not yet seriously affected.

We all want to know who mowed the bottom lawn? Or is it adding to the general decay of Douglas City?
Your attitude to pain relief is very Jesuitical, perhaps we will have a late vocation, stranger things have happened.

My people of course.

(Problem with pain killers is that I fear the exercises are affecting my hip so don't want to hide that with drugs. Still, for a week or two my people can mow the top bugger as well.

Re-wilding is the current trend.
The winning exhibit at this years Chelsea has been meticulously composed in order to resemble a ‘back patch’ untouched for 5 years.

My *Back Patch* would overwhelm the Chelsea bFlower Show.

We are talking acreage, not aching with age.

"My People", you are becoming religious. My flock will be next. A flock of Manx Loaghtan will keep your pastures in order but your Lady friends wont like the black balls staining their white plimsoles.

How dare you suggest that the balls of my people or me are that colour or that I would, unasked, rub them on any lady's footwear.

Spoken like a true Gentleman David.

Then again, If she happened to be bending away from you...perhaps her Calf muscles....who knows.