I read today that Greggs are considering making home deliveries by drone.

All sounds a bit pie in the sky to me…

Good one, Nick.

Nice one. Caught me by surprise and I laughed out loud!

Young man you stand accused of introducing wit and humour into a thread where it has been noticeably absent. How do you plead?

Not Guilty. ( Ooops sorry, when you said 'young man' I thought you were talking to me.) :big_tongue:

Have no fear - the Navy's here...

[QUOTE=Y0ungN1ck;39063]I read today that Greggs are considering making home deliveries by drone.

All sounds a bit pie in the sky to me…[/QUOTE

Two or three years ago (it may have been more, my mind's calibration of time seems to be less reliant these days than it used be), one afternoon I was in Witham, Essex and having missed lunch, felt peckish and decided I would like a nice steak pie, or even meat and potato. I was waiting to cross the traffic lights and directly opposite was a Greggs. Ideal.

After standing in a queue for several minutes I reached the front and asked the young lady what sort of hot pies they had. A look of extreme disdain spread across her face and she replied, "Pies? We don't sell pies."

The young lady after exchanging smirks with her colleague, obviously took pity on the elderly simpleton who thought that Greggs could ever stoop so low as to sell pies and offered me a Sausagemeat Bake, which had the appearance of an elongated sausage roll. I declined her kind suggestion and departed the shop.

I was dumbfounded. How could they not sell pies? When I lived up on the Tyne 60 years ago there were so many excellent pie shops that a Greggs was never my first choice, just one that you used if it happened to be handy. Nobody was more amazed than me when some years later they took over Carricks which was far better known for all types of catering and more respected.

What is the country coming to if a pie is considered socially unacceptable? What next ... cloth caps ... clogs?

Agreed although I am not sure Greggs would have been any sort of choice (at least they have not infected the Island as yet. Perhaps vaccinated with one dose of McDonalds confers some immunity).

Are you sure this is not a matter of snobbery - did you try them with 'ragout en croute'.

Snobbery, of course it's snobbery. One is on dangerous ground here as One has not been formally introduced to Mr Stringer but One feels morally obliged to make comment on his predicament. One could be lost or abandoned in the Karakorum Range, the dense jungles of PNG or the Essex wasteland between Chelmsford and Colchester and not feel the need to ask a stranger for a nice steak pie, or even meat and potato. Similar to Ben Gunn One could look for a nice piece of English Cheese or a slice of bacon from a local Flitch.
To wean Mr Stringer off " a nice steak pie, or even meat and potato" , it is suggested he move to the "Island" and exist on the limited fare available and re-calibrate his palate. He will feel the better for it.

QED.

Alas many of our fast food traditions have succumbed to the American invasion. Once in Taunton when I was training for ... 'the firm' ... I partook in a bucket from Kentucky Fried Chicken.

I spent most of the next day sitting on the bog doing a very passable impression of a Saturn V lifting off !!

Never again !!! :cloud:

You might not get this unless you're a bit of a Star Trek fan .... :p

Having admitted to the heinous crime of seeking hot food after 2pm in an English town, I find it distressing that ES proposes that I should be banished to an offshore (in all senses of the word) island, the home of tax-dodgers and refugee ne'er-do-wells from Liverpool. Living in a land where the pubs stop serving hot food about the same time that the Frenchman has just finished his aperitif and is appraising his first course, is humiliating enough without also being subjected to sniping from some One over the wall (and over the water).

I suppose that I should consider myself fortunate that I had not had any desire for chilled meat (or even sausages) or I might have suffered further opprobrium from ES's northern neighbours.

Northern neighbours? They're my kith and kin.

I intended to type my reading of the UK/NI/EU carry-on but in all truth I just can't be arsed.

I have a solution to controversial transport of sausages. Hoist them on a Yes-ministerial petard, surely they are high fat offal tubes.

Bloody carry on about sausages. Britain exports more sausages to Israel than to NI and we are about to go to war. Send for Lord Kitchener.

After many years of consuming kosher sausages at the best regular Christmas party on the Island, (amongst other worthiness stalwarts of KGFS) It was not that long before she died, at a good age, that I had to admit that the appreciation of this aspect of the festivities was false and I would not have willingly fed them to my cat. Fortunately I was forgiven.

(I am leaving in the 'the' in Island despite opposition from certain Hibernians. We allow importation of uncooked meat products under licence for kosher and, I presume, halal consumer. As far as I know no halallian worthies have put on a Christmas party for their haram co-subjects).

A young girl walks into a supermarket and on her way round she sees the bloke who had had his way with her the previous evening, after they'd met in a pub.

He was stacking washing powder boxes on the shelves.

"You lying toad," she yells. "Last night you told me you were a stunt pilot."

"No," he says; "I told you I was a member of the Ariel display team."

When I joined Blue Flue, as new Cadets, we were getting to know each other.

I asked Mawer, from Bristol, what his Dad did, did he have any history in the MN.

"Naw", he said in his lilting accent,"he's a sole moulder at Clark's shoes".

"Ah!", said MacPherson, from Buckie (with whom I roomed for two years),"So, he's a Reverend!".

Good quick retort!

Rgds.
Dave

Another MacPherson one liner.....

Stood on the platform at Central Station, waiting for the Garston train to Riversdale, Pisani (who hadn't studied for exams) sat like a hobo against a column, chugging caffeine pills with one hand, holding a text book in the other.

A young lady came down the escalator in loose leather jeans.

"Ooh!", said I,"I wish they were skin tight!".

"They are!", exclaimed MacPherson.

A good lad, Iain Stewart McPhee.

Rgds.
Dave

A man says to the dentist: "Listen, my 3 friends are waiting in the car outside. We're in a rush, there's no time for an injection, you'll just have to pull the tooth and to hell with the pain. We're lucky enough to get a game on the most exclusive and best golf club on the planet. There's just no time to wait for the injection, just pull the tooth. It's 9.30am now and we tee off at 10.00."

The dentist thinks; "At last, a man with balls." He asks: "Which tooth is it?"

The man turns to his wife and says: "Open your mouth honey and show the dentist your tooth."

About as funny as a trip to the dentist.
Ha Ha.

I like it, Bob. A bit sexist/misogynist, but a good chuckle had here!
We are, after all, anachronistic "old farts"!!!

Rgds.
Dave

She must have been his Caddy. Surely she could have waited and got an afternoon appointment.

This thread need some joke.

Man who wants pretty nurse must be patient



Passionate kiss, like spider web, leads to undoing of fly.



Lady who goes camping with man must beware of evil intent.



Squirrel who runs up woman's leg will not find nuts.



Man who leaps off cliff jumps to conclusion.



Man who runs in front of car gets tired, but man who runs behind car gets exhausted..



Man who eats many prunes get good run for money.



War does not determine who is right; it determines who is left.



Man who fights with wife all day get no piece at night.



It takes many nails to build a crib, but only one screw to fill it.



Man who drives like hell is bound to get there.



Man who stands on toilet is high on pot.



Wise man does not keep sledge hammer and slow computer in same room.



Man who lives in glass house should change clothes in basement.



And Finally, Confucius Did Not Say. ..



"A lion will not cheat on his wife, but a Tiger Wood."

:thumb::D :thumb::D:

What tank?

Neighbours huh !!!

Think we have hit a dry hole for Jokes Bob.

This one maybe to fill the gap...

Or this perhaps...

Doctor doctor I think I've got some hearing problems.
Can u describe the symptoms?
Yes, Homer's a fat bloke and Marge has blue hair.

New face mask discovered on the planetary moon LV-426. Absolutely guaranteed to stop all forms of the COVID virus. There are however, some disturbing side effects ... :eek:

An old blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of whiskey.
After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender: “Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?”
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says: “Before you tell that joke, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know four things: The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat, the bouncer is a blonde girl with a club, I’m a 6-foot tall blonde woman with a black belt in karate and the woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter. Now, think about it seriously, do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?”
The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters: “No, not if I’m gonna have to explain it four times.”

Keep fit.....

Two good ones. :chuckle:

Malcolm I'm a wee bit disappointed you didn't call it an Irish Joke.

There are alternative versions but I thought that on balance there are less 'blondes' on here to take offence than Irish.
But if I find a suitable Irishman joke I will, of course, substitute 'Kerryman' :wink:

New car ??? :shock:

Yep, can relate to that :bye:

Don't be silly E-S. Two weeks and no potato, how could that apply to the Irish.

(I have a sore eye just now and am dining with an Irish lady tomorrow - I fear her prescription will progress rapidly through the Old Hibernian Wife's spell book to her favourite balm of employing some of one's own bodily overboard pumpings. Never mind I have been promised some Gubeen, a new discovery for yours truly).