who? :supercool: is he the brother of Ronald McDonald ?... the other name rings a bell as well :chuckle:

Presumably they are both superstars, which is why you may have a faint recollection of having heard their name.

I wouldn't spend too long in the smoking room, we have some sides of bacon that want a turn in there. A little oak sawdust smoke can take a great deal of washing away.

Everyone I invite on board is a superstar, as it should be. As you well know not all our shipmates are as discerning and if I had a silver sixpence for every tart, slapper and shagbag they invited I would be a rich man.
OLQ's my bum.

He may very well be his brother because he has a double quarterpounder under his kilt.
And Patti would ring your bell but she tells me your clapper is out of tune.

A lady once enquired if anything was worn under my kilt.... I assured her, and later confirmed all was in perfect working order :thumb:

We are accused of LMF? At least we do not abuse our acronyms with erroneous apostrophes. Or was that supposed to be half an umlaut having an orthographical holiday?

You might have got rich that way but the plastico's have one of their number collecting loose change of visitors as they board on the pretence that it affects GD's dynamic stability.

It's good to see a disciple of Keith Waterhouse onboard.

An amusing man. I only know him from going to see "Jeffrey Barnard is Unwell". Which could, I suppose, have been titled "Jeffrey Barnard's Unwell" but the pedant might then ask what sort of unwell it was from which Jeffrey suffered (as in The King's Evil, but that might lose the pedant his head).

This is fine Tmac, but you seem to have the hem of your kilt tucked into your shirt collar half the time. You say you are trying to avoid tan lines, but, really!

He's doing his impression of a tea pot. A bone china one.

"I'm a little tea pot short and stout, see my handle see my spout"

FJ I fear you are being misinformed, the kilt tucked into the collar is to provide cooling air circulation to the equipment package. The numerous fans it has encountered have provided insufficient cooling to the primary shaft resulting in severe overheating of the surrounding membrane. I fear that a forced lubrication system will soon be required to maintain optimum performance. :quill:

I wish I'd never asked...

I think I have identified a latent defect that is lubrification related. As a shaft surely it should go roundy-roundy. I think its use in upy-downy or iny-outy applications would not establish an oil wedge. It may, of course, be provided with a suitable lubrification system for a rod but that its feeding wick has not been properly dipped.

I have no doubt that by now the surface will have become hardened and will have to be put to the grinder before it can be returned to service. Just cooling a run bearing is no cure although that might explain the odd aroma around the manoeuvring platform.

Jesus lads, in 1536 Henry VIII dissolved the Monasteries for less. Keep your tribology under the counter.

It's the biology that should be out of sight. But if the chief waves his about it's only polite to make an effort to appreciate.

Chief is deep down a very loving and caring person. I have been looking through his study magazines and am impressed with the way he cares about all those POOR ladies who cant afford clothes.

Well he gave enough money to a lady in Havana to buy a complete wardrobe of M&S ladies fashion.

Thats right, He asked the sales girl "can you take American express?") She replied "you can be fast as you like with me sir"

He may have dropped a few quid at M&S but he has never been known to get passed the booze aisle (that is not the same, E-S, as the booze Isle!).

My ears are burning.... half the lies told about me are not true :chuckle: speaking of falsehoods as we weren't I have it on good authority that Varley discovered electricity by rubbing two cats together backwards. ES saw a sign that said "Drink Canada Dry" and God love him he is still trying. Sir William thinks a P45 is a gun while the rest of this survey crew are schizophrenic but are all OK now :supercool:

I am taking notes, you live and learn.

I have spent two days rodding drains and opening the portals to the nether regions. I am absolutely knackered, a steam pipe in the right place would be good. I even had to break a date with the sheep I know so well, but I am sure they will forgive me.

Be more care full when you are rodding drains FJ. I have a bruised stern gland now. Think I will stand for a while.

The Drains you were rodding wouldn't happen to be Fred Drains, if so he was in my class at school. His bigger brother Toby Drains was the bass player with the Swinging Blue Jeans.

I've been trying since 1958, when I first heard that joke.
It was one of Frank Carsons best, during his apprenticeship doing Clubs and Orange Halls. For a fiver.

Drains, bloody drains. It's enough to make a fellow run away to sea. Day three, still plenty of Sh1t.