Gib off the port Bow....start slowing her down.
8 knots .... Starboard 5...midships. stop engines....slow astern port...all stop.
right ho cutouts 2 and one each end. FWE.
Get the cable ashore soon as you can. we are here till fully bunkered and restored.

The bunkers in Gib are of high quality and unsuited to our engines. The tolerances on our fuel system require fuel of a minimum of 1500 seconds and 3.5% sulphur. Let us do the "Restored" bit here and nip across to Ceuta for a cheap fill of crap, all happy.

we could certainly do that ER but check it out with Tmac first, He's the last man I would want to upset, That shifter of his hurts.

As you say, Tmax is a bit of a spanner man and is thus happy. Leave the more academic things like viscosity to me.
As they used to sing in H&W : Tom Tom the spanner man
Podged your hole and away he ran.

Not very suitable for a Sunday morning but truth will out.

Viscosity? I hope you are not suggesting the Chief is too thick to specify his bunker quality. He'll be upset by that (he never waits for Sir W to work through his list of people he wants to upset before him).

Tmax thinks 1500 seconds is nearly half an hour, and he's more than happy. Next thing the bloody Leckie will be trying to discuss liner wear with me. Stay near the switchboard you chancer.

Field. Coils for me. Days for E-S or anyone else that slags off the Chief (note, crawling in the hope of a day ashore in Gib.). I gather he doesn't want to go further than the first and last as he sees enough baboons whenever he visits the control room.

(I could discuss liner wear monitoring by radio-isotope had my only knowledge of it not been its brief mention by my leader Mr. Brown - like Morar and T2s, missed experiences).

Is the use of 'suitable fuel' the reason that when I stand on the aft promenade deck I am taken back in my mind to the rim of Vesuvius?

Right ho cut outs, Single up to a breast slipper, gangway in, cable in.
Engine room! Fire em up Tmac Please. will require revs for 20 knots when full away.
Let go the slipper!
thrusters fore and aft to port..... aft thruster to starboard..... Slow ahead starboard....slow astern port ....All stop ..half ahead both. set Ecdis for Ceuta. full ahead both.
Engine room! we are at full away now thank you.

Are you going for the quickest standby on record? At that speed won't we be up the beach rather than off limits? I suppose there is a beach?

I thought we might go to Stromboli. ML can then bronzy in pumice all day instead of only when Tmac gives his tubes a blow job.

While you were off 'sampling the local hospitality' some nice polite gentlemen in blue suits and peaked caps asked the cut outs to put on life jackets and run around like scalded cats.
I've never seen a rescue boat recovered in that manner, but they did manage to get it back upright.
You will find a large envelope on the control console on the bridge - I think it contains some notes that the men made. I just gave a Gallic shrug and answered in Welsh.

? whats this? advisory from the HSE!
Hmmmmm...most unfortunate incident that was eh...appears the cut outs slipped up there. Never mind I will send them a cheque for new uniforms.
BOT sports will be held more often in future till the cut outs get it right.
beep! beeep Beep! hmmmm short range radar picked something up ...lets see.....
Ah yes its the shore. Ceuta fine on the starboard bow.
Tanoy: attention all crew, Stand by for docking and refuelling

Did we not bunker in Gib? I think we did and I am unanimous.
Should The Hon David desire it we could bunker a few gallon of sherry in the empty Stbd Settling Tank. A happy Dave is a thing to behold.

I had planned to bunker in Gib but some prat said he wanted to come here for bunkers.So, here we are. Get them hoses coupled up quick cut outs. soon as we are bunkered we are off. This place stinks. lets go take a look at Piraeus, some half decent bars there.

Perhaps we could follow the route of Operation Excess, almost exactly 80 years ago.
Don't tell Angela, she might try to reenact her side.

What could be fine-o than a tank of Manzanilla? No idea what Dave will have but I'll ask him if I meet him.

Alexander told me that Davy was an oul china of yours since your prep school days but I now gather there has been a bit of a cooling off. Such is life. I'll still fill the tank 98% full.
Heigh Ho.

I suppose there must have been an Alexander other than my Great Uncle but you must appreciate we didn't use given names, even mutilated ones (except, very strangely, when addressing the niece of our founder who taught arithmetic, ran the 'bank' and ruled the sweet cupboard. She was Mary). It might help me to remember if we eliminated some of Alexander's personal traits. To start with, was he (then) 'Cavalier' or 'Round-head'?

I am sure I have not fallen out with anyone of that name so 98% will have to provide for sharing too. If there are heating coils can you run the brine through them instead? Should be 'fridge cold if had before dinner (and when else would one take it?).

Some talk of Alexander, and some of Hercules,
Of Hector and Lysander, and some of Miltiades.
But of all the world's brave heros, there's none that can compare
With a tow row row row row
To the British grenadiers

As the Guest Speaker I think I'm supposed to out with tosh like that - most of them do...

Biggles and Algy flew the Lysander, Hank and Waldo flew the Hercules, Brian Trubshaw flew the Hector,,,,,,,,,,,, Jeez that Amonium Till Addo is powerful stuff.

You missed Miltiades - A WW1 Troopship, don't you know.
Waffle waffle....

A Troopship? I was sure she was Roald Dahl's daughter. The shipping world is becoming rather confused, if Biggles and Algy took the Lysander then Ginger must have piloted the Miltiades.
RAF pilots not Trinity House, just to avoid confusion.
Where the hell is the ss Ohio?

Banks of the Ohio? I prefer the Joan Baez version to the one by that Newton-John girl.

Stop spreading unsavoury rumours about the saintly Cliff Richard.

He was ginger you say? Had one I remember, but a Jeremy not an Alexander. Nearest Cliff was Beachy Head, had Seven Sisters I gather (enough for an entire conference there, I guess).