Look or watch no further than Dads Army. No need to drift into the occult, at your ages. Dickheads.

Your mood suggests that you have had an 'enjoyable' evening ES.

I had a very enjoyable evening, thank you.

It started when I met Sgt Wilson for a cup of tea in the Marigold Tea Rooms and had a nice conversation about Mrs Pikes melons, she's a keen gardener. I then went on Parade where Capt Mainwaring gave us a lecture on something or other and Joe Walker slipped me the bottle of Scotch I ordered last week.
Off home to a sausage supper, Jack Jones best pork. And up the wooden hill for a bit of Hows your Father.

Ah yes, Mrs Pike's melons .................. :applause:
Nobody better qualified to discuss them than Sgt Wilson.:yawn:

Not sure young Pikey's not better qualified. 'Uncle' may only have laid hands on them.

andf jones in the corner with his meat in his hands saying "They dont like it up them"

So many of the ladies of Walmington on Sea were prepared to do anything to get some of Jonesy's meat.

Sexist legislation! The law denied men a ration entitlement to that cut.

Avast behind !!! I recognise that lady, built for comfort not for speed, what I wonder is she doing aboard? Oh well will investigate later however in the meantime it is I, your friendly, cuddly and generous Chief Injuneer for it is indeed I escaped from the nefarious clutches of the medics. Glad to report the stern gland remains intact despite the various accoutrements inserted therein and the video taken is due for release by Hammer Horror Films in the New Year. Doesn't have any sex but is deffo X rated.

My thanks to ES for standing in superbly Squeek and Eric have never looked so relaxed, or well fed.

I shall retire to my funnel suite anon while I complete my recovery with copious amounts of Black Bush to ease the pain and dull the memory of the past days.

Fear not I shall soon come among you again, indulging in the merry badinage with all and sundry while striking the fear of God into the plasticos and the deckie type persons.

Not a stave of Lignum Vitae to be had on Norn Irn. Heavy demand recently.

not wishing to put a damper on things but it would appear that a surgeon appears to misplaced a sponge he uses for washing his car.

Balls no doubt!
Err... Sorry I meant bowls.

He did and now he spends hours just looking for his teeth..... :big_tongue:

Thanks for the good wishes shipmates, not quite out of the woods just yet, I have to be pumped full of chemicals for a while so ES is under special orders to make sure all the fill and stripping lines to the pump room are fully operational and the ullage gauges are set correctly.

I can fully recommend the stern gland procedure to those with Covid or Diarrhoea.... you are feckin' too scared to cough :cloud:

I know it's a tad early but a really great Christmas wish to you all, may your days be filled with happiness and joy this festive season and the days that follow. I count myself very lucky to know you all and am proud to count everyone of you as a friend. :applause::applause::applause:

I hate people that do this, but, me too.

ditto! from me too!

It sounds as if Tmac must have switched to the dark shrubbery a tad too soon after the drain cleaner.

I'll reserve my benefactions until the Kings College carol service. Only if I forget (have been left with the waifs and strays, seven so far, to fed on the day so may be busy tearing legs off the bird and shelling sprouts) should you take this post as one of wishing all the crew the compliments of the season this early - I have not put up any decorations as yet and put rude notes through the doors of those that have.

Seasons Greetings and Lang may your Lum Reek.

" ES is under special orders to make sure all the fill and stripping lines to the pump room are fully operational and the ullage gauges are set correctly"

Under special orders indeed; stripping lines, ullage gauges?? Are we being converted into a chemical tanker?

Ah, 'tis that time in the year when the tilt of the earth's axis presents a perpendicular from the Tropic of Capricorn to the solar orb.
So light your winter fires and enjoy the moment, each and every one.

And, a great profit shall come upon the land.

A wet day recently, somehow meant that I was inveigled to explore the storage space for baubles, tinsel, twinkly lights and an artificial conifer - This is now displayed, so apologies to Mr Varley but I promise to remove said obstacles to movement soon after the new year's calendar comes into use.

Believe it or not but I'm being forced into the roof space tomorrow to find the Christmas stuff I put up there last January. LED coloured lights, plastic christmas tree, paper streamers and a bronze Baby Jesus with the in-laws and assorted animals and wise men.
I'll leave them out until mid January just to annoy Oul Grumpy.

I believe that #6683 makes E-S an accessory before a breach of MARPOL. Try and find an IMO Christmas card with that printed on it (sorry, midwinter festival recyclable instrument of charitable postal greeting).

May your lum ever emit a light economic MARPOL compliant reekless haze (except in port where you should rely on 'cold ironing' - a system that provides neither flatness of clothing nor sufficient short circuit current to allow an efficacious scheme of protection).

(And do make sure you have the plastic and spelter, i'll bet, decorations down for twelfth night. Just a nod to wisemen).

Midwinter Festival my arse. Its Christmas.
Does anyone think the Queen and family head out from Sandringham on Midwinter Festival morn to go to church.

Queen Elizabeth is The Sovereign and holds the title 'Defender of the Faith and Supreme Governor of the Church of England'. Her Book of Common Prayer makes no reference to a Midwinter Festival, so neither will we.

Not sure you can be a dinosaur. Weren't they VNC WRT the Ark?

(I am not sure HM would lay claim to authorship over Cranmer, that would put her I/C Clerical rearguard for a very long time)

On the fourth day of Hanukkah my true love brought to me:

Not another candle!

One of the great traditions of Christmas time is the placement of a fairy on the top of the Christmas tree however not many people know the true story of this tradition. Allow me to enlighten the unknowing.

God instructed the Queen of the Fairies to bring him 12 Christmas trees, one for each of the days of Christmas. Unfortunately the lady couldn't count and brought 13. Upon asking God what she should do with the extra tree he told her in no uncertain terms which is why today we have a fairy on the top of the tree.

FYI Santa has obtained another Reindeer to accompany Rudolph, her name is Olive.....Olive the other Reindeer.... geddit??? I'm wasted here, pearls before swine. If anybody wants me I'll be under the plates with my colouring sticks.

Bah humbug :yawn:

I have a miniature model moose on my tree - I call him Chris.