For some years I lived with a lady who ran a pub. :pint:

Alas this was my downfall ... :very_sad:

:smoking:

Anyone got any thoughts on unfrequented ports? These days, I suppose Liverpool might do.

Did I touch a sore tooth? It has gone awfully quiet here, just the sound of wind in the flag halyards and the lonely bleat of a sheep from someone's cabin.

Sure it's lonely? One cabin steward has been conspicuous by his absence lately.

So has one of the sheep.

I suppose, if you have a flock mattress you can have loads of friends.

Any signs of fleece around the flies, we may have a culprit.

Why its so quiet aboard?...Oh hello Farmer John!...been having communication problems so a little out of touch.
Steward!! cling a few bottles and glasses together. that normally alerts the crew.

If Red 7 finds a stray pair of mysterious sea boots in a quiet corner of the sheep pen, there may be some awkward questions that will have to be answered. :jester::shock:

Well, good for you!! I assume you mean that after 46 years of marriage you finally got lucky?

Reminds me of the vicar addressing his parisioners -- trying to prove a point -- Asked them from the pulpit how many had sex every day -- a handful put up their hands -- followed by once a week -- again a fairly good show of hands -- then once a month -- and a few more raised their hands. Finally he asked "How about once a year" --- One lone fellow at the back started jumping up and down, yelling "Me, Me, Me". The vicar asked him why he was so excited -- to which the main replied (still jumping up and down) " Tonights the night! Tonights the night!" :jump::jump:

I was heading for Chittagong, via Singapore, but I am open to any reasonable suggestions (Can just toss those crates of "Dog's Cocks" overboard -- no great loss and the bloke in Chittagong can probably make his own.)

I was going to suggest we could aalso stop at Phuket, but then thought that some would ask me to watch my language. :confused:

Phukit! Ok Tom. I never been there. Heard some storys about girlie bars though. should be good for a visit.

They say that some of those girls can be quite a handful after a few drinks.:jester:

had one put her hand down my pants. I asked her why she liked hold it. she replied "I miss mine"

Awfully sorry old man.. that is just not done..

I've never been there either --- Phuket then! :brain:

Fookay by me Tom.

:big_tongue:Just a primer for Phuket -----Re: Aussie Bar.

"Still home to the hottest green curry I have ever had In my entire life; It was uphoric and I liked it. Other than that it is just a dead set good bar to be at. Lots of tallent about."

It was the "talent" bit that got my attention!!!! :bounce:

Phuket Nell, feeling a bit rough, think i will turn in till we get there Tom.

Can we call in at Singers?.... I feel a nostalgia trip to Buges Street would be nice....

I am sure the magic of the GD will allow a quick trip down the Street, it was a place that shouted the amusements of the Far East back when no-one but the likes of us went to that kind of place. Let's hope the police don't do a raid, Tmac, is that a Crescent Wrench in your pocket or are you just going for a quiet drink in a bar with some Scandinavian seamen?

cough.....splutter......spit. Carry on lads. I will join in when I am out of sick bay.

You go ahead Tmac ( You've got SSR's mobile number if you need it?)

I'm just going to spend a little quiet time with a few G & T's in the lounge at Raffles.

We should be in Singapore tomorrow afternoon. The sun should be well over the yardarm by then. :pint:

Self preservation dear boy, self preservation :jester:

Tmac, you are a wise man, and bloody dangerous when in the mood.

bloody dangerous when his blood alcohol level drops too. Keep that vblack bush supply going or we are all going to get hurt. except the ladies of course. all ex H&W workers have principals you see.

Well we quietly slid into Singapore, and when I sat down for a quiet G & T at Raffles, lo, and behold, I found myself in the presence of the beautiful daughter of some Eastern European royalty, or so she said: a most delicate and refined young lady, who, as it turned out has a capacity for G & T to match my own. We did repair to her suite where she insisted on showing me not only her etchings, but also her collection of stamps (all unperforated).

I am now back aboard in a state of euphoria, completely sated and going to take a long nap before we prepare to sail for Phuket tomorrow. :bye:

Hmmmmmm Bugis street dont seem the same anymore. all the blokes have handbags and lipstick. found a nice quiet place down a back street though. all nicely decorated with pretty red lights. two nice ladies could see i was tired and they took me to a room upstairs where they performed a strange method of massage. most delightful experience.....LOL

I stayed on Gangway watch and all I got is a stiff arm.

as i left the Spa room in my birthday suite a girl asked "mind if I smoke" I said no you carry on....well how was I supposed to know what she meant!

Sounds as if we are going to need a short arm inspection before we leave tomorrow. Can't have any of those itchy, runny, sort of dispositions aboard. Red 17 Where are you -- back from vacation yet? Either you, sister Eleff, or both are sorely needed (hopefully the word "sore" doesn't come into it?) :shock::shock:

just been to the heads...single jet...no broken glass effect so thats a good sign.
(always said it pays to use the more expensive establishments.)

Oh, c'mon you lot, Red-17 is probably long gone after the way we treated her, and you are trying to get her back on board by asking her to examine your contorted and shrivelled genitalia. You sure know how to treat a lady.

Take it down to Tmac, he has a vice to hold things and a blow-torch to remove barnacles and such.

he has a large tub of Blue Unction as well.

He uses it for meshing gears mainly.

(This comment is above my technical competence)

Well, it would seem that not much has changed on the GD since I was last here. Phuket to Singapore??? I really do not want to even think about what some of you have been getting up to. Lets just put it this way, I would need asbestos gloves before carrying out any investigations. Capisce?

Actually it was Singapore to Phuket -- but not let us pick the fly poop out of the pepper. Or more exactly as per the ancient maritime communications, originally concerning Lykes Lines in the US. and which is now more universal:

Haji Laka Mauda and Haji Chadder Moad,

Hera Pheri Trading Co.
235,Sharea e Faisal
Karatchi
Pakistan

We refer you to our Agreement for Two parcels auf 5000 Tonne each auf Rice vich you haf sent Two Times by 25 Kontainers each time unter Bill Auf Lading No. HPTC-GuRHm GmbH 003/2010 und Bill Auf Lading No. HPTC-GuRHm GmbH 004/2010

Deez two shipments auf rice ve got from you vas mitt mice schidt mixt. Der rice vas gut enuff, but der mice durds schpoils der trade. Vee did not see der mice schidt in der samples vich you sent us.

We hav checked mitt our trading department and dey konfirm dat in der agreement to import rice from ur kompani if it is agreed to send rice mitt mice shidt mixt but dey are not finding any mention of Mice shcidt must to be mixt mitt der rice

It takes too much time to remuf der mice durds out from der rice. Vee order kleen rice and you schipt mice schidt mixt mitt der rice.

Vee like you to schip us der rice in vun sack und der mice schidt in annoder sak, and den vee mix to soot der kustomer.

Pleaz to understand ve haf had to clean der rice to remuf dor mice schidt for vich we have to employ German cleaning mans and German cleaning vomans vich pepuls be very costly. Vee now have all der rice in vun grup of bags and all der mice schidt in odder grup of bags

Pleaz wride, if ve shud schip back der mice schidt und keep der rice vich we have asked und paid fur or to keep der mice schidt vich we hav not asked fur und schip back der rice vich ve haf paid fur, or schip back der hold schitten verks.

Pleaz note dat we have sent der mice schidt vich was mixt mitt der rice to Der Labor für Güteprüfung in Hamburg who Konfirm dat dis mice schidt in der rice contains kurry vich meanz dat dis mice schidt is from Pakistan Mices and not German Mices.

Ve vant to do ridt in dis matter budt ve do no like dis mice schidt business.

Hans Grubber Von Schlong-Zwei Nuttenberg
Getreide und Reis Handel Gesellschaft mit beschränkter Haftung
Winterstraße
22765 Hamburg

Copy : ------- und -------- Gmbh, Hamburg

Copy : ------- Grain Brokers Ltd., London

Copy : ----Association, London

:huh::huh:

:applause:

Hi RED17. Good to have you back aboard.
Come on down to the PAX lounge I am about to stand a Bar session for the entire crew,
Be happy to see Phuket, never been there before!...Did I pronounce that right?

1076
 

Tom, you just made me realise what has been missing in my life, the ultimate story about mice schidt. Was any conclusion ever reached about who got the rice and who got the schidt. Sitting here laughing so loud that Angus (my dog) just came running in to make sure that I was OK. :applause: Tooo funny.

Thank you billyboy I would love to join you for a drink or two in the PAX lounge. I take it there will be some Dom on offer? Right now I am going to go and check on the animals. No, not the crew, the four legged kind in the garden area. See you soon.

stick another Domperignon ice please steward. Red 17 will need 2 bottles after she checks the livestock.