Bit of a technical term there 170, lets wait till YM the All Black arises for a reasoned answer.
Mr V has considerable experience with boilers but knows they can bite, what about yourself? The lads in the crew bar believe you're a CD Holmes man lets hope they are right.

Ummm I hate to ask but why are we towing those two pieces of crap using cables and wire? What's wrong with the nantomic magnetic attractor thingymabob wot I invented and built with my own fair paws? Don't tell me some heathen deckie type person has busted it already? :bad_mad:

Mumble mumble, mutter mutter..... I dinno why I bother inventing things, I used a whole box of crayons on this thing but not a word of thanks do I hear. :yawn:

I'm off to my funnel suite in a huff, yes I invented that as well..... great for runs ashore as it has a homing gizmo, very handy when pissed :big_tongue:

Fear not wise Chief. your inventions are superb and your Magnet will get plenty of use in the future. However there are people observing us and they have checked the bridles and our main Hawser.
In about 2 hours I will heave too and swing the launch out so that you can with assistants of some deckies go and rape the the 2 coasters of anything that may be of use to you aboard here.

you can with assistants of some deckies go and rape the the 2 coasters of anything that may be of use to you aboard here.

Drink Billy Boy, Drink.

We don't want the eggs to go up the funnel they might eventually land on the pristine deck when OH&S will perceive them a slipping hazard for their high heals. :egg:

At home we didn't have an Aga in the kitchen we had the artisan version, a Gloworm , and it was in the Scullery (a word little used nowadays). Anyways when it failed to draw the firebox door was closed and the ashpit door opened, well it didn't take long to draw like a 16' 6'' Scotch Boiler and "Mammy" could make a start on her legendry Ulster Fry. Happy days, long gone.

That reminds me - The drawing sheet.
A piece of sheet steel with handles used when lighting a fire which wasn’t ‘taking’. Place it over the open front of the grate, open the ashbox door and away it went. Remove quickly to avoid chimney fire!
Ah yes those were the days..

We just used a page from the "Tele" (Belfast Telegraph for the non locals) great fun trying to avoid it catching fire in your hands.

On the GD boilers we are posh in the injun room, only use the Financial Times or the Beano. Our library consists of the Beano, Bunty and the Bare Arse monthly.

we have forced draught boilers on here. powered by Tmacs personal gas.
very efficient ship this is.

we are arriving at our hand over point. 2 small tugs on the way out to us. Tow winched in close astern. slow to 4 knots. small tugs alongside the coasters. Hawser clear, winch it in. Full ahead for Naples. Cut outs! lash up and stow all towing gear. Stewards! check and make up PAX Cabins, yes all 20 of them. Revs for 15 knots please Chief!

Meanwhile readers (been busy at an internment) we are safe alongside at Naples awaiting the arrival of our Passengers.

Steam pinnace departing for Capri at 1000 hours. Some unemployed ladies found loitering nearby are already aboard. Perhaps they are some GD passengers who just arrived a bit early?

Make fast cut outs! 2 and 1 each end. get the gangway rigged and ready. Master at arms on gangway watch.
Stewards! complementary drinks and welcoming snacks for our guests as they arrive.

Unemployed Ladies! Have they not got a profession?

I just spoke to one Lady and she said "I am not his wife"... "I am his Secretary"

Just gave her a tour of my owners suite. she was very happy with my water bed and Jacuzzi.
She's off up to the funnel suite to check that out now.

Oh look!..a convoy of limos comming along the quay. stand by to welcome our guests please stewards. (I like the little flags on the Limo's)

A tour of the funnel suite can only make the rest of us look good. Mr V and YM are sprinkling Old Spice around their cabins and I am giving my Stateroom a light dusting of some unpronounceable stuff by Yves St Lawernce seaway, silly name but powerful stuff. Big T will throw his work skiddies under his coffee table.

Previously used something called 'Channel'. Not that it ever did me any good so I will try ES's recommended Old Spice this time.
Must remember not to stand too close to firehole door. I wouldn't like to go up in flames!

He uses au-de-diesel I heard.

Cut outs! stand by for undocking!

Nice steady cruise to Limasol about 10 knots I think. that will give us time to get acquainted with our passengers.
let go fore and aft!

Nothing like a dab of HFO behind the ears to get the ladies interested mind you nothing beats a liberal spraying of WD40 round the oxters. However for those "intimate" occasions I strongly recommend Shell Gadus S3 high speed coupling grease. :big_tongue:

You old romantic.

Discretion gentlemen! the guys look like they are carrying pieces!

They are having a very private meeting this afternoon in the PAX lounge. Asked if we can keep the ladies occupied for an hour or so. I said we would do our best. perhaps a tour of the ship and a little time in the crew bar.

Why would anyone bring ham pieces onto a ship that has 4 chefs?
Perhaps Tmax can help as he always comes aboard with his Piece Box under his arm.

Ahhh but the secret is what is in the piece box :wink: much more than a beg o' Tayto Cheese and Onion and a Belfast bap. :eat_arrow:

less of the "old" you young pup, just because there is snow on the funnel top doesn't mean the fire in the boiler is out :yawn:

hello ladies, lets see now I think if we split you up into 3 groups we can give you a tour of the entire ship with the exception of the engine room. Thats highly classified down there.
So if you 4 ladies would follow Mr ES and you 3 ladies follow Mr varley and you 3 ladies follow me. we will start at the top so off we go up to the bridge and monkey island.

I am no good at this. I started with the top of one as you instructed and got my face slapped. Should I have started them all off on gin and taken it from there?