Balls, Sir. Croquet is a stranger to pucks unless a challenge should be made at at sea (I wonder if that was ever done).

It is the port knee so I reckon Port forms a good part of the lubrificative programme for Mr. Kim's knee (I do not have proof of title, could it be that I only have it leasehold?)

What is on hold is the Cubans. Not returning to this bad habit until the likelihood of embolism is well passed. And before I am asked or barged out of my crutched path, no, that does not mean it is open season on my humidor.

A humidor for Silk Cut Purple?

Do you start a hockey match by telling the players to Puck Off?

Humidor is it, Ooooohhh posh, I keep mine in a rusty tin.

I prefer my smokes with, if one must share, with tobacco beetle rather than H&W plate weevil. But, each to his own (and what is mine own is mine own, and thine's is thine to make free with the biscuit tin culture).

How does one cut silk purple?

Silk cut? and heres me struggling to afford 10 Park Drive or Woodbine. (the factories that made them that is).
Anyone know where we are? I had the map thingy upside down. Reckon we should head off to somewhere before the old girl takes root here. even the cut outs are getting bored.
Anyone got a favourite port they would like to visit?

Bloody two pin plugs. Pull it out, turn it about and reconnect it, I have told the old man's tiger time and time again not to use the ECIS socket for father's moustache curlers.

Rochas, but it is rather an abstract idea to visit Rochas. What about I say Oporto (previous suggestion of Sevastopol I withdraw).

Fine by me David. Oporto it is then.
Ring down stand by please quatermaster
Cut outs! single up to a Brest slipper. Cable and gangway aboard soon as.
Right then. O-P-O-R-T-O press go!
Both Radars on, Iron Mike on standby.
Soon as main engines are on we'll get under way.

Chotto wee matte. Ring hold to the stables. Have we got enough potable water to run a complete Gunclean cycle on the port port tank and the flumes?

Tmac and E-S have been using all three for some black muck that they say is their ethnic version of the divine Mackeson. It ain't and I don't want to make a considerable investment in the Tawny nectar only to have it contaminated with undistilled bothiejuice.

Attention all crew. stand by for docking at Oporto.
Fuel, Water and Mr Varleys old Tawney await us on the quay.
also paper, crayons, grease and lub oil.

Cut outs to docking stations fore and aft. slow her to 5 knots.

OK, can we get a chemist to check the port tanks please? Just in case there is a hint of bothiebathjuice left to taint the maroon nectar.

happy to report that all vacant tanks have been cleaned and disinfected by my illustrious cut out crew.

Disinfected?
Dettol flavoured Port perhaps….

Think they used a pine disinfectant. rinsed off with fresh sterilised water. shines like a new pin they do.

Not only is Detollating bad for the cat it will be bad for anyone that spoils the nose of the Portuguese elixir in which I am investing,

(If they have managed a new pin instrad they know where I will be sideways shoving it).

Two tanks full and the third is half full and rising Mr Varley. The tanker driver says I can have whats left in his 5" pipe so I have cleaned and sterilised my Bath to act as a receiver for it.
Just bring a glass to my suite later and we will have a session.

When your new bestest mate, the tanker driver, *Pigs* his 5 inches your bath is going to pong a bit. Hope you and the Porto Kid like the whiff of pork scratchings.
Dolts.

I think the last 5" would be OK. We should have discarded the first as the last stem was Black bothiebathjuice.

I take it a pint pot is acceptable, something of a 'borrowing' glass only it usually doesn't last the journey back to my house.

Well bugger me if Her Maj hasn't gone and made Dodgy Douglas a City. Perhaps it's in honour of all the bank accounts held by Tory MP's.
My old Mucker, Charles Guard, tells me Douglas is falling apart and the sunken garden has Sunk. Will Tynwald give a grant for a lick of paint and a few geraniums before the Big Day.

Billy, me oul segotia, it would be fitting if we were alongside in Douglas and dressed-all-over for the Cityfication of Douglas and Lord V can impress all his Crochet Buddies. A Win-Win.

Oh ya Heathen ES I am ashamed and surprised that you would ignore the fair city of Bangor in the county of Down. :( I spent a fortnight there one night, bloody place was a cemetery with lights. The dead weren't buried there they were propped up at the bar in Romano's. :chuckle:

What's all this nonsense about tank pressing I hear doing the rounds? Any pressing up of tanks will be done by the injuneers as that is wot we do. The tank is full when the oily rag is flushed from the swan neck, so it is :supercool:

Douglas a city indeed..... never met the lad :chuckle:

Houl yer wheeissht Big Man , I've congratulated Mr Kelpie on Bangor and when Newtownabbey becomes a City I'll congratulate you.

The sunken gardens remain at their normal depth. It is the wallage surrounding them that has taken a hit that the powers that be are sensibly allowing its repair to be scheduled rather than rushed at. A pity as the rest of the prom looks quite dandy except for a horse-tramey bit. And so it should at the price, I would have slapped on a speed limit of 5 and left the expenditure until it was affordable.

HIC! ...Burrrrrrrrrp.

Haut to hunder whay. Chant bhe bitherd we will sail in the morning.

Pharrrrrrrrt!

Sound Man Billy, upholding the highest traditions of the Industry.

Now Ben my Chree's port of registry is proper urban I think it only proper we give her passing honours as we depart.

(And a toot on either alimentary orifice from the owner's suite does not count).

Give them a blast on the BIG horn we nicked off the Blue Lady a while back.

Just heard our Guinness tank is getting low so perhaps a visit to the Emerald Isle is in Order. If we get a berth in the Niffy we can get it pumped straight in.