the injuneering dept fitted a complete flume tank system years ago when pussy was just a kitten. Please don't tell me you scurvy lot haven't noticed our silk smooth progress whatever the weather. :(

Incidentally and for the record I NEVER cheat at pocket billiards but have been known to give the balls a slight rub while playing snooker :jester: Anyhoo our old table makes the game more of a challenge with our checker plate covering :jester:

Welcome back SSR, just for the record anyone found shooting up my funnel suite will find my old German WW2 MG 42 inserted up their stern gland :really_mad: Just sayin' like :smoking:

Tmac, you used to be more fun. SSR, take him up for a whizz round, you'll have him putting holes through the Funnel Suite in no time at all.

In the mean time, the anti-personnel devices and such that Tmac has installed should be more than adequate, especially since we are currently disguised as a long length of the wharf at Chittagong.

Since we are making for Richards Bay to check out the surfing, I have asked the lookout to tell us when we are about to hit Madagascar, so we can just hang a Port one and not bang into it. Current rate of travel, about one more day.

Does that seem about right, Dartskipper? To be honest, I got a bit confused about which side of Africa, India is, but I think we are about right now.

Farmer John.... injuneer and fun?.... now there are two words you seldom if ever see in the same sentence. :jester:

I always assumed my role on this fine vessel was "grumpy oul bar steward" AKA Chief Injuneer however one does ones best...:confused:

Sounds fine to me FJ. When we get the call from the crows nest, turn South to clear, then straighten up a bit and continue West. We'd better dig out the East Africa Pilotage Notes, I think Cap'n Tom was using them to prop up the wobbly leg on the chart table.

I'll have to get a new Chart table put in soon. That one has experienced a lot of hard work. Many things have happened on that table.
Really must visit Arthurs resto/Bar. Looks a nice place.
Buccaneer sports pub and grill good for a pick up...why anyone wants a truck from a bar I dont know.

Things are very quiet up top, maybe I'll poke my head out of the injun room door and see what's up..... injuneers don't like it when the deck crowd suddenly go quiet, we think they are up to something which the usually are and why we injuneers are paranoid :shock:

Hello, Tmac, can you just slow us down a bit please? We got talking about surfing, then we got onto talking about water-skiing, and some wild things were said, some bets were taken and those of us still awake all went water-skiing, and at 23 knots we couldn't get back, and there was no-one left to slow things down and my arms are really tired, so, a little help would be appreciated. I need to get back onboard, we have to zoom round Madagascar's bottom, so to speak and also I need to refill your Blackbush tank so a help for us would prevent that running dry.

Who's this Madam Ascar whose bottom we have to zoom round. Dont think we have met. Hic!!

FJ just yank (yes I spelt that correctly ;)) on the handbrake.... but be careful you don't end up biting the taffrail.... WE stop..YOU don't :shock:

Really, Tmac, you are not a great deal of help. I had forgotten about the remote control, I just knocked the speed down and we coasted up to the Port side. Problem solved, but not helped by you shying Pork-pies at us and shouting "Luvverly pies, get 'em down you".

Madamgrasscar spotted on the starboard, we have set course for Richard's Bay, we will go to anchor till we speak to The Man With The Brown Envelope, then I think we will have to either go in as a bulker or disguise ourselves as a new Wharf, using the bits we picked up in Chittagong. Anyway, about 900 miles to go, then we are on the 'ook for a bit.

Steady away, anyone fancy a drink? My Shout (that should bring them out).

Gallump Gallump... GALLUMP... puff pant.... somebody mention drink?....:pint: pint of Black Bush please and put a cherry in it as I feel a tad hungry :eat_arrow: ( I was going to say fruity but realised the connotations) :wink:

A pint of the Blackest, 2 cherries and a slice of pineapple and to hell with the connotations, we don't need to generate any electricity right now anyway.

Free Bar!! stand back....let me through...Pint of draught Guiness please steward and stick a couple of large scotches in it.

Ah, Sir William, you are going for the nutrition as well. Stewart, beat an egg into the Guiness before you serve it. I'll have a couple of Scotch eggs, please. Oh, and a pint of scrumpy, full of vitamins. It is breakfast time.

Farmer John, very friendly of you I'll have a double Gripe'n French if I may.

Steward!! my glass is almost empty.....Another if you please and keep them coming.
Oh a nice thick slice of that Pork pie with the egg in it also.

I'll have a top up too please plastic. By the by any idea why the galley want all those ping pong balls?

Tmac is putting them through the debigulator to make some experimental tapioca.

We are nearly at the anchorage for Richard's Bay. If we get some of the wayhay! Of the ship, we can drop the hook, set an anchor watch and wait for the clearances we need. Could be a day or so's wait for TMWTBE.
Speed down to .5 knots, let go Starboard anchor, someone grab the chain if it isn't fixed on. Dab of astern. Right, take bearings and set GPS alarm, all serene-oh.

Anyone for deck quoits?

Sir William, now the gangway is rigged, should we launch your tender?

well it is Sunday, think we should give thanks to the great Admiral above, perhaps in the PAX Lounge.
Farmer John you may take the service. Tmac will play the organ, Varley the collection and our female crew can be the celestial choir.
Oh Dont forget the wine, cheese and crackers at half time.

Sir William, I have decided many years ago that I am not worthy to pretend to communicate with a being who has made snowflakes and such marvels. All fasten your thoughts on the amazing world we live in and aspire not to F**K it up any more than we can help. Place a contribution in the receptacle Varley will pass amongst you with, change for a trouser button is not £9.99. All the proceeds will be spent, and the receiver will be very grateful. If Tmac misunderstands the call to play the organ, please avert your eyes, engineers think that kind of thing is funny.

Our female members of crew seem to have been so appalled by our noxious behaviour that they are ashore, being gracious in their own way.

After 30 minutes, change ends after a quick snack.

Right...get the launch over the wall. Lets go exploring this place.

MOI ??? you know me sooooooo well :jester: My prowess on my organ is renowned throughout the civilised and not so civilised world... in fact it is so good I've named it Wurlitzer:wink: many recipients of such an experience have gone away their lives forever changed as is frequently their gait :big_tongue:

Incidentally and point of information, injuneers don't have a weird sense of humour, it's simply you lot don't understand the joke :paper:

Sir William wants to launch his launch, stand from under, ok chaps, swing 'er out and let 'er go........

Oh dear.

Right then.

Which one of you forgot to put the bung back in then ?

Sir W merits a barge don't 'ee? All same an admirable

I think the sad fact is, we all did. Never mind, she is like the James Bond Lotus, but with a cockpit full of sea. Blow the ballast tanks. Thank goodness for mushy peas, just leave the windows open, we can drop the top later.

Boat, barge, raft..... whatever.... well I'm NOT fixing it, I've enough to do playing with my organ.:paper:

he was not deriving pleaure from it. He was cleaning it and it went off!

Hoist out Barge for Sir William Bilgerat, replace plug and lower away gently. See, who says we never learn? Make fast alongside the gangway, ready for use.

Hoist away, the launch is now empty but needs a bit of drying out. Stow her on the after deck and the sun can gently do the job.

All ready for shore trip, Sir Wiliam, please don't wait too long, the horse has only 2 hours of air and it is a fair way for Dobbin to walk.

What the..... My Launch!!

Get my speed boat up out of the hold and lower that in. Something about the sound of a V8 Detroit excites me.

Will do Sir William, as soon as we get the horse back to the surface, rubbed down and into the pressure chamber. We have to send him back soon, we don't want him getting the bends.

Who forgot the bung THIS time? I just saw the little fountain in time, quick dab round with a sponge and it is fine.

Sir William, your speed boat awaits, the burble of the V8 is a wonderful sound. Rear suspension is lousy, Detroit muscle won't go round corners.

Chilli-Gripewater, cracked pepper, celery salt and V8 juice. Fabulous Bloody Mary. Never heard them make a sound 'though. Not, anyway, until one had had two or so too many and then one hears one's head hit the deck quite loudly.

just have a quick look at the chart first. Dont want to hit any strange rocks with my pride and joy.

Click...whirrrrr.....Vroom!! Oh just listen to that sweet growl. JUst give it a quick test drive before taking folk ashore.
Vrooooooooom!! cough spit...rumble.....Silence.
Dang, no diesel!! see if i can raise Farmer John on my mobile.
Help, ran out of fuel. I am drifting out here.

Sir William has been a long time on his little test pootle (spray to 30 feet).

I do hope he has remembered to switch the fuel on, or he will have to bleed the pump.

Why are the bleed nuts always unreachable from the lift pump? It does ensure you can only get it bled by getting soaked in fuel.

Actually, that model will self bleed when there is fuel.

oh no it won't :paper: