We are certainly on our way to Connetucky, where the rutile grows free on the trees. I hadn't noticed we were transiting the Screwez canal, but I have been working on some important menus for the festive season (lots of sampling involved), so we could be.

They are all shouting "Eh, Mcgregor" just as they did when father passed that way about 194ish, why do they do that?

I think they sell you pass-codes for awful web-sites now, the printed page is passing. You want special thumb drive, chock full perversion? Anti-virus say clean!

I didn't knoe ither but nobudy tell us injuneers wher we is anyhoo..:very_sad: all we get is "weir goin' or weive arivved" :paper: (writn by Squek wile on watch)

Squeek, you can always ask me, Tmac tells me where Sir William says Dartskipper says Varley has passed a message to Tom to tell him where we are going.

Simple, you furry little imp.

Tmac tells me he was told by Sir William that Dartskipper got the nod from Varley that Tom says he always asks you, and I tell you what I know, which I get from the Notice Board in the Pax lounge.

The Chief Stewart always knows, and that is me.

We are going West. I got that from Tom, he was told that by the man with the Brown Envelope.

Brown Envelope??..Hooray the agent has surfaced at long last. Hope its a lucrative job. If not I'll go below with Tmac and do a lubricative job.

Sir William -- the Brown envelope surfaced while we we in Chittagong, which led us to pick up a cargo of rutile to be dlivered to Groton for a princely sum.

That is why we are proceding under the guise of one of those old "Bovril" boats that used to take the London effluent solids out to the North Sea. Hopefully the WOGs (Western Oriental Gentlemen) won't know the difference- cargo manifest says "fertilizer"!

Do we have anyone in the crew who can act as a knowledgable tour guide of the local bars and places of ill repute? :balloon::balloon:

Surely they'd be disappointed if it wasn't sh*t (mind you the youngsters might try and smoke it if it was manifested like that).

Easier to ask, do we have anyone who doesn't know the bars and places of ill-repute.

This is all quite simple to follow, provided we make allowances for the unknowable things we don't know about, as well as the knowable things we do know about. The trouble starts when we don't figure in an unknown value in our calculations, to compensate for the actions of invisible gremlins and other things that go "bump" in the night. If we guesstimate a value that is way off kilter, then we might not end up where we think we ought to. If we don't allow enough estimated value of compensation, then we might end up somewhere else, but sooner than we should. Of all outcomes, this might be the preferred option, as it generally allows for more "Run Ashore Time." :pint:

So Skweek, if you thought that the injunears had a tuff thyme, then spare a thought occasionally for the Naviguessers!!:quill:

Precisely!! :egg:

I is only a umble ratt an is usted to ruff thymes especuelly wen Tmac stumpes on mi taile an boots me acros the floure plats wen the injuns go phutt :very_sad:

I sympathes wit you Naviguessers so next tyme you are doon in the pit you ken hav some of mi chese :wave:

what the hell is Squeek doing running about on the computermabob keyboard?.... wee bugger should be oiling the quills on the cylinder liners :bad_mad:

That's very thoughtful of you Squeek. I shall try to avoid the wrath of Chief Injurer Knuckles, I've heard some terrifying reports of his skill at five paces with a twelve inch shifter. :sweat:

Terrible man with "nunch of buckles" is Tmack Lethal with a 3ld hammer and 18 inch shifter too!.

Steward!..Please take a case of Black bush down to Tmac with my regards...thank you.

Ah! Now the truth is out -- We have been assured many times that the injuns never go phutt; that they are the perfection of reliabiliity. Thank you for that information, so valuable that I am sending you down a block of mouldy old Stilton for your nibbling pleasure. :wink:

You miscall him. He has merely left out a phutt or two. Injuns going phuttphuttphutt - then tick, VG.
Injuns exhibiting total lack of phut or, perhaps kerplooie instead of phut - Not tick, not VG. Injuns going phutt merely at Dead Slow, firing every fairway buoy. phuttphuttphutt is FAOP.

(Injuns going phuttphuttPHUTTphutt - go cap the indicator cock on No.3 or No.2 depending upon our Class society).

Help! I feel like I have followed Alice and just fallen down a rabbit hole. What are you all taking? Whatever it is I am sure it is not legal and since when did Squeak get a chance to have his say? It is all the fault of Tmac.:eek:

Gentleman....Gentlemen please...Our engines are supreme. its the number 2 generator the goes Phutt occasionaly. Suffice to say its quite old and is a prize from another ship we purchanced to stumble across while anchored of Alang.

I will have you Philest... Phillis....Phylst.... ignorant lot know in injuneering terms a PHUTT from the injun is a sign all is well in the spitzen und sparken department and the crank thingy will therefore be turning which it turn makes the up and down bits go PHUTT........:paper: simples, if you are a highly qualified injuneer like wot I is. Anyhoo you lot just have to drive it and not know how it works :p

Young lady I note you are just returned from wherever you were before you came back but have wasted no time in casting aspert....aspperds...aspidest.... slurs on my fine reputation as an 'hofficer and gentleman. I will have it placed on the record I have never met the young lady in question much less interfered with her hole or her rabbit :brain:

Squeek does not have a say in any matter except perhaps the allocation of the cheese ration. I don't like cheese per say so it's NOT my fault, it was like this when I got here. :very_sad:

Red17, you do now that the Pantomime season is coming soon? We are all auditioning for Widow Twankey, whilst being medicated for Dentistry.

All the young things are doing it.

Is that Gibraltar to our Port? If it is, we had better do a quick 180 turn. I am sure it should be on the Starboard. We will just pop in to a British port, I need some bloomers for my role (and for a roll, if you know what I mean, I am sure I don't).

Are we in pantomime mood? ....Try this one. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nanmdLNVgOQ

That's a blast from the past -- First one at the Woolwich Empire around 1951 ---- last one last Christmas with many others in between. Can't miss the annual Panto.

It's behind you! It's behind all of us!

Speak for yourself sweetie.....always keep mine well out in front

Mine is discreetly secured behind a sturdy zipper! ;)

a man has to have somewhere to hang his towel walking to the shower in the heads.

In at Gib for bunkers are we? Nice bar there worth a visit.

Lead on, MacDuff! :pint:

Golf again? We could fuel up too, I love watching Tmac wringing his hands because he sees money being spent, even if it's not his. It's going into his lovely Injuns, I think he would like to see a medical certificate.

That's not what he's doing. He's just making sure the cuffs are tight enough for when he bunkers up his sleeves.

Can't see it myself, anyone can run their fingers through my Nories.

Oh look!..theres a small cruise ship alongside...could be a bit of fun there methinks.
Might be a Roedean Girls reunion trip ha ha

Oh! Goody, goody! Quick -- take the ice out of #1 hold and put the artificial turf in -- a game of field hockey between the Roedean girls and the Superdeliciouswannabe your bedside maidens is a definite wanna have. Growwlllllllle! :flowers:

as long as its not a boatload of gays ha ha ha

Went for a hike up the Rock -- thought I saw Varley up there, but it turned out to be one of those Barbary Apes -- must have been the beard. :yawn:

What???...the Ape was smoking a Havana cigar?......LOL

I don't know why the call them Barbary. Made a hell of a mess of my hair and charged me more than Davidoff's would for a sniff of their humidor.

why would anyone want to sniff David's humidor??? now the scent of a nice Black Bush followed by the sweet sensation on your tongue......bliss :pint:

If you really want something to sniff... the heads are blocked again and the slop tank is overflowing according to the high level alarm :bad_mad: I haven't looked myself to be honest, I've more sense (and minions) to do that :yawn: