The prostitute: “Have you finished yet?”
The mistress: “Oh no, you haven’t finished”
The wife: “When are you going to finish painting that ceiling?”

Ah, that's how I got my Scandinavian passport "Are you Feenish Daveed".

Meanwhile, a few months and many complications later…

I

I think that could be a Yellow Card. No not a Jap.

The laws of the navy
 

The Laws of the Navy

Not to mention the litter problems!

For the last 70 odd years British Post Office vans have had E II R on the side.

Due to the change in senior management, with much deliberation, it has been decided that the sign writing will be changed to:-

C3PO

Very good!

Henry’s going to need a lot of straw.. Dear Liza.

With all these items in the news about the dangers of Artificial Intelligence, I decided to ask an AI Chat Bot whether Artificial Intelligence would destroy the human race.

And this is the answer it gave me:

".....We're Working On It....."

:shock:

Lao Pan me oul shipmate ask your AI Chat Bot whether Artificial Intelligence could get three Generators running on a Russian ship and improve the MTBF.
We know the answer.

PS. awaiting more of your excellent photographs.

Did you also have Russian Impressed Current Coating Remover?

Our ICCP is of Nederlands supply.

We don't use Bahco as we find King Dick more appropriate.

I don't think they could get their spindly little fingers to throw in those big 3 phase knife switches - let alone synchronise to the busses as the online Generator dropped to 30Hz while working cargo with a seizing Turbo. MTBF about 20 mins, then repeat. (Al Salehiah - Summer 1979, New Orleans - Generator Flat Temperature > 60 deg C Following Hurricane Bob)

Just spent the last year replacing my aging fleet of 'puters - so may find time to do some more 35mm scans - unfortunately the company that makes the best picky editing software noticed that I had inadvertently forgotten to pay them (£900) before installing it - Us J/E's still only get paid in beans - and sent me a stern warning, so I will have to find something else to do the post production :bad_mad:

Three old and retired Navy Chiefs were sitting around and talking. The first chief said, "The best thing that could happen to me would just to be able to have a good pee. I stand there for twenty minutes, and it dribbles and hurts. I have to go over and over again."
The second chief said, "The best thing that could happen to me is if I could have one good bowel movement. I take every kind of laxative I can get my hands on and it's still a problem."
Then third chief said, "That's not my problem. Every morning at 6:00 am sharp, I have a good long pee. At around 6:30 am I have a great bowel movement. The best thing that could happen to me would be if I could wake up before 7:00 am.

My new meter of "Good Belly Laughs" has barely flickered but as a Chief once said to me, a promising start and will improve as the trip goes on.

I once went out with a girl from Kerry, i think her Dad must of been a cardinal as she always wore purple underwear.

Expensive, ehen i get home from Ireland i think i will have to sell one of my cars, and probably my most disliked child.

Advise mileage and fuel type. Is child still good for a couple of years chimney work?

Age 42....fuel type any larger apart from when i am paying then it is stella.....expert at borrowing stuff and looking after his Mum, needs an eye keeping on him as he is known for steeling chips of his Dads plate.

If he is not on bitter at that age then you are a failure as a plate-based chip provider.

(I'll not be bidding, I've no chimney that big).

Something nautical from Garry Larson.

One for the WAFUs

Only been up twice. Twice too many.

I've flown many times but never for pleasure. Even the big boys strike me as being terribly flimsy.

All aviators must remember the golden rule.

Take-offs are optional. Landings are compulsory.

And if you don't think that the whirly thing at the front isn't just a fan to keep the pilot cool, watch him sweat when it stops at 5,000 feet.

Flying is an uncivilised means of transport but an unfortunate necessity between Oz and everywhere else.
On land, rail is still a pleasant way to go.

Even so, it is sometimes best to go by walk, as the Italians wisely put it.

Or "Shank's Pony", my Dad always said. (Or was it "Shanks's Pony?)

It's Shanks' (or Shanks's) assuming that you have two legs, for a one legged man it would probably be Shank's, perhaps.

Originally Scottish - Shanks nag.

Lost count of the many hours of flying in fixed wing and choppers, did it for a living for many years.
I shy away from small aircraft now because I don't know who is doing the maintenance on them.

On the same topic, I found this one…

To All Aviators.
Phuh Khen (pronounced Foo Keen) 1169-???? is considered by some to be the most under recognized military officer in history. Many have never heard of his contributions to modern military warfare. The mission of this secret society is to bring honor to the name of Phuh Khen. A `Khen' was a subordinate to a `Khan' (pronounced Konn) in the military structure of the Mongol Hoards. Khan is Turkish for Leader.
Most know of the great Genghis Khan, but little has been written of his chain of command. Khen is also of Turkish origin. Although there is not a word in English that adequately conveys the meaning. Roughly translated, it means, `One who will do the impossible, while appearing unprepared, and complaining constantly.' Phuh Khen was one of ten Khens that headed the divisions, or group of hoards, as they were known, of the Mongol Army serving under Genghis Khan.
His abilities came to light during the Mongol's raids on the Turkestan city of Turkestanis. Bohicans were fierce warriors and the city was well fortified. The entire city was protected by huge walls and the hoards were at a standoff with the Bohicans. Bohicaroo was well stocked and it would be difficult to wait them out. Genghis Khan assembled his Khens and ordered each of them to develop a plan for penetrating the defenses of Bohicaroo.
Operation Achieve Victory (AV) was born. All 10 divisions of Khens submitted their plan. After reviewing AV plans 1 thru 7 and finding them all unworkable or ridiculous, Genghis Khan was understandably upset. It was with much perspiration that Phuh Khen submitted his idea, which came to be known as AV 8. Upon seeing AV 8, Genghis was convinced this was the perfect plan and gave his immediate approval. The plan was beautifully simple. Phuh Khen would arm his hoards to the teeth, load them into cat apults, and hurl them over the wall. The losses were expected to be high, but hey, hoards were cheap.
Those that survived the flight would engage the enemy in combat. Those that did not? Well, surely their flailing bodies would cause some damage. The plan worked and the Bohicans were defeated. From that day on, whenever the Mongol Army encountered an surmountable enemy, Genghis Khan would give the order, "Send some of Phuh Khen's AV 8ers". This is believed, though not by anyone outside our secret society, to be the true origin of the term Aviator (AV 8er).
Phu Khen's AV 8ers were understandably an unruly mob, not likely to be socially acceptable. Many were heavy drinkers and insomniacs. But when nothing else would do, you could always count on an AV 8er . Phu Khen Aviator. Denied, perhaps rightfully so, his place in history, Phu Khen has been, none the less, immortalized in prose. As the great poet Norman Lear never once said : "There once was a man named Phuh Khen, whose breakfast was whiskey and gin, when e'er he'd fly, he'd give a mighty war cry, bend over, here it comes again."
Consider it an honor to be a Phu Khen Aviator. Wear the mantle proudly, but speak of it cautiously. It is not always popular to be one of us. You hear mystical references, often hushed whispers, to `those Phuh Khen Aviators'. Do not let these things bother you. As with any secret society, we go largely misunderstood, prohibited by our apathy, from explaining ourselves. You are expected to always live down to the reputation of the Phuh Khen Aviator. A reputation cultivated for centuries, undaunted by scorn or ridicule, unhindered by progress. So drink up, be crude, sleep late, urinate in public, and get the job done. When others are offended, you can revel in the knowledge that you are truly a PHUH KHEN AVIATOR.

I recon that deserves a Shaggy Dog award.

It was written by an old army friend Lucky Pierre who died last year at the age of 85. Lucky Pierre was shot down eight times in Vietnam. He was a Helicopter Gunship Pilot.

I see that varley has had promotion to barge captain somewhere near portland.

He's not on the staff, he's an inmate. Detained at Suella's pleasure. (at not for).

Varley is on big money he is charging £20 for room service, and is running trips to I.O.M. WOW.

This gives an added dimension to 'copper losses'.

I did have a little to do with an earlier barge at that location. It cannot have been as secure as HM's Home Secretary would have wished. When calling on the crippled Stenice, having sailed around with one generator from Immingham. A joy to the superintendent's eye hove into sight as we were put on a berth with craneage. No such luck. When suggesting hire would be inexpensive due to proximity and obvious need for business I was told that criminals had stripped them of their electrical copperware and that a floating crane would have to be hired anyway (I can't remember whether it was or not - happy days!).

Were the criminals on day release from the prison up the road?