Sternum is Latin for Ball-Bag.

Thanks and having had a biopsy into my scrotum (as one does when past middle age) I can commiserate. A female doctor and two female nurses took part - it was hell, I tell you!!!

Hi ,al1934 .

Know the feeling , had a camera up my whatsit twice [ age 77 ] and both
times a female doctor .
Do you think they take that profesion to get back and inflick pain on their
fellow men . ha,ha .

Even had camera down my throat twice and three times up
my posterior and both times with women . only good thing two nice young
nurses held me still .

Said to my local doctor that ive been poked and scanned over most of my body
but never had my brain checked , he laughed and said that could be arranged .

All the best . take care .

Tony

Hope they cleaned the camera before each procedures.

Eyup Al if you had been 20 i.t would have been the best day out ever, three nurse's messing about with your Kendo nagersackies.

Paddy goes for a job as a fork lift truck operator in Dublin but has a Norwegian guy as a competitor for the same job so the interviewer sets them a 20 questions exam paper and shows them to a room advising that whoever scores the most will get the job.
After 30 mins they both come out and hand in their papers...the interviewer marks them both and they both score 19 out of 20 and he calls them in and says "Well, you both scored 19 but I am giving the job to Leif the Norwegian"to which Paddy says "Hang on a minute...surely me being the local guy should have priority" to which the interviewer replies "Well, my decision is based on the fact that you both got question 9 wrong ,and, where Leif wrote "I don't know the answer", you wrote "Neither do I"

It was the shame of it. Two lovely ladies to hold me down while the doc did the slicing job. I heard someone say, "It looks like a cock but its too small". Smallest and prettiest in the Fleet.

Whoever said it was right, Cocks are BIGGER than THAT. (Just joking Alick I'm built the same way)
Good worker thou, no complaints.

As we say in Yorkshire...you would not want it on the end of your nose for a wort.

The best reply to that I heard in Betty's Bar Glasgow was by a lady of the night who said "Och, I'd powder over it sonny".

I've lived a very sheltered life.

So ES never got to the Golden Moon Bar in Mauritius, it was that bad the bouncers stood outside and threw people in!

Answer the Question
 

I gave a truthful answer!

A guy is driving around the back woods of Montana and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house: 'Talking Dog For Sale.'
He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.
The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador Retriever sitting there.
"You talk?" he asks.
"Yep" the Lab replies.
After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says, "So, what's your story?"
The Lab looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA. In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping, I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running... but the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down.
I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals. I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."
The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.
"Ten dollars" the guy says.
"Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on Earth are you selling him so cheap?"
"Because he's a liar. He's never been out of the yard."

A little something from a couple of years back. It was taken down quickly, but I thought it well up to the usual standard

https://youtu.be/gOO0Xlf6Ang?si=yLuWTYLxbHrf5M2m

An old colleague went on an anger management course. They suggested that he wrote letters expressing his feelings to the people that he hated, and then burn them.
That was some time ago and he’s asking whether he should shred the letters now.
What do think?

Many years ago in one of my former lives I was responsible for collating the pile of data for my railway's entry in 'Janes World Railways'. For whatever reason I missed the deadline and my Head of Branch (HoB) got a 'reminder' from Janes.

I was duly called to front said HoB (coat and tie bit like a kid in front of the headmaster in those days) where I was instructed to write myself a 'bung' (admonitory letter) warning myself to take more care and not to reoffend in the future.

Duly wrote myself said warning and fronted HoB for him to sign it which he did and handed it to me, saying:

'Now tear the bloody thing up and get back to work............' :o

Lesson learned.;)

I thought you were a Fireman and next thing you're writing letters. Where did it all go wrong?

I never worked out why a fireman on the railway or at sea kept a fire going, but a fireman on the land put fires out.

Eyup ES, you and your pal figment need to have a word with yourselves.

Only aboard the GD Comrade...................;)

On land, in the railways tried all manner of things. Privatisation and redundancies forced many a twist and turn in one's career.:curtain_call:

Administration :quill:, marketing, turned into wagon fleet operations and maintenance over a span of 40 years and three redundancies. Each redundancy and forced change of direction turned out to be a blessing in disguise.:)

Fair play YM, you have to be flexible nowadays to keep a roof over your head and the wolf from the door.

Anyone can work from home..

If you visit the Canary Islands...


You wont find any canaries.



Likewise,




If you visit the Virgin Islands,







No canaries there either. :big_tongue:

How about Brest.?

I've carried a cargo of nipples to Brest.

There is a place in Pennsylvania named Bird in Hand, and another named Virginville.

Never saw any there though.

lots of places with funny names .
CROTCH CRESENT
PENIS ROAD
SLAG LANE
CUMMING STREET . LONDON N1

As a articulated lorry driver at one time use to get
a lot of funny addresses on my delivery ticket .
Could not beleive half of them and how the local councils
allowed them .

Tony

Further to my earlier post, here are some more names of settlements near the two previously mentioned in Lancaster County, Pennsylvania. They are all in or near an area populated mostly by Amish families.

Paradise.
Intercourse.
Bird In Hand.
Bareville.
Blue Ball.

A local fast food shop listed liver and onions on their flyer.
I ordered some and they bought just the onions because it was de-livered.

Liver, onions, bacon, creamy mash and gravy,(yes gravy, not sauce or jus) is a meal for a dinner plate rather than wrapped in a Daily Express.

Two chaps left a traditional East End of London Fish and Chipshop. One said,"My fish tastes funny." The other replied, "No wonder, it's wrapped in the cartoon page."

Boom-boom.

Then what use is there for the Daily Express, E-S? Think of the dispossessed of Fleet Street before taking from them what little they have.

A horse walks into a bar and orders a pint.
The barman says “You come in her quite often, do you think that you might be an alcoholic?”
The horse says “I don’t think I am….” And promptly vanishes.

The joke is about Descartes’ famous philosophical idea “I think therefore I am.”
But if I had explained that before the rest of the joke it would have been putting Descartes before the horse.

A WORD TO THE WISE :-
Dont play leapfrog with a unicorn .

Tony

Does Tubby Isaac still trade?

How many of you old F...s remember the old kids' song, (My eyes are dim I cannot see) Clue Quartermaster.

It was one of the "standards" at the Boy Scouts. Late 50s til I went to sea in '64.
The Quartermaster's Store

Right on Hugh.

The Shadows recorded it as a B side.Could have been Apache.