Sir William --- Ahemm! We were in Nassau about 2-3 weeks ago (glad you can remember the geographical features!) where we picked up that 40 ft container full of c**h which we took to Colon. I was under the impression we were heading to Lerwick for layup, although that's not etched in stone. Did plan on heading to the beach at Punta Cana tomorrow, Azores from there but what ever you desire is my command. :supercool:

Its all right Tom. Just heard theres a floating dock available in Lerwick for our annual bottom service and any mods that Tmac wants done. Any crew members need to go home for the festive season your travelling expences will be covered. Me? I will remain with the ship as usual. Asked the wife about going home and she said i dont need to bother....that was nice of her was'nt it.
Couple of good ale establishments there I am told. Might even manage to visit CED too!

What is happening? Is everyone back on board? Do we have to go ashore again tonight? Are we under way?

There are no prams around so the gangway cut outs seem to have done their job!

Steward - A very large Bloody Mary, scrambled egg with smoked salmon and bacon please (I intend to raise the catering standards here) with coffee and orange juice.

I will be available for duty (or indeed another run ashore) after I have had breakfast.

McC

Everybody is waiting for the after effects of the party to wear off, and we have slipped our moorings and proceeding in silent running mode, so that nobody will be disturbed. Would Mr McC be so kind as to stand watch on the bridge until the naviguessers and iron mike watchers recover enough to take over? There are a lot of buttons and switches on the control console that are unlabelled, all installed to meet the requirements of Tmac's various modifications to our machinery. Some of them have been there so long that their function is long forgotten, so it is probably wise not to press any of them. The one to steer well clear of is that big red one over there. Don't under any circumstances touch it without Tmac's permission. It has rather strange results, including making the scenery go much faster.

MORNING DARTSKIPPER!!....oh....sorry mate forgot about the head
great night last night eh!...check out the pictures later mate...some crackers amongst them heh heh heh. John would have been proud of you mate

Glad to take a turn on the bridge DS.

Which is the button not to touch? This one here.........?

McC

what the ........ We been rtear ended or someone pressed tjhe red button. Spilt my Rum...its all climbed out the back of my glass.

TANNOY: At this speed we'll be off Punta Cana in about 20 minutes. Seeing as we previously established that Mr. McCloggie has a slit pesronality would he please stay on the bridge while he goes forward to lower the hooky thing when he stops the vessel.

Ah! Lok what I spotted on the beach --- Sir William - permission to open the Marina Deck and use your launch for shore parties? Farmer John, please have a couple of Plasticos man the stainess steel bar down there.

WOW! I am up for a piece of that Tom.....Carry on my good man. (yours looks delightful too mate!)

Tannoy:

Captain Sir, Officer of the Watch McCloggie. Sir I have a vessel bearing green 30 range 6 miles - No we have passed it already!

Tannoy 2:

MAA McCloggie to Officer of the Watch McCloggie - All cut outs mustered at the sharp end to deal with the anchory thing.

Tannoy 3:

Tmac is requested to the bridge!

How do I stop this thing?

Tannoy 4:

Captain Sir .... no we have passed that one as well!

Tannoy 5:

HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!

chuck it in reverse for a few moments then put them stick thingys in the middle and press Reset...or is it refresh. Just hit the abandon ship button

HOI !!!!! I was just enjoying an afternoon siesta dreaming of a beautiful Black Bush when the machenery alarms all went off and my funnel suite went all a-tremble.... haven't felt that knee trembling sensation for many, many years. :very_sad::very_sad:

Anyhoo to cut a long story short Squeek and Eric appear covered in oil and sh1t because while cleaning out the supercharged turbo intercooler fan thingamy some bar steward turned it ON !!!!! :eek: Took a whole pound of cheese and a bag of nuts to calm them down and restore normal service.

Somebody, I don't know who but I'll find out :( pushed the BIG RED button didn't they?.... I shall stalk the companionways until I find the miscreant and correct the error of their ways with the help of my jumbo shifter and flogging spanner inserted into their stern orifice.

Tmac, I know this may sound like a feeble excuse but a big boy did it and ran away.

Let's hope that calms him down a bit.

Oh dear Tmacs on the warpath. "Never hot the red button without a warning first!!" Best keep a low profile for a day or two MAA.

What a terrifying day.

Suddenly finding us breaking the sound barrier was bad enough but I have just caught a glimpse of Tmac stalking the accommodation with some VERY large engineering tools - and that was scary!

Reckon I'll lock myself in my cabin for a bit and tell the Steward to put an unlimited supply of Black Bush on my slate until he has cooled down. I'll get cheese and nuts provided as well!

McC

I know that Tmac1720 is a very experienced and competent engineer but I was not aware that he was also into carpentry. I saw him trying to juggle a 12" x 2" x about 12 foot plank into his funnel suite the other night. No idea what the plank was for, however. Perhaps he is making those Russian dolls for orphans at some of our previous ports of call.

Perhaps (more likely) he is going to coerce some cutouts to lash it over the side by the entry port and then suggest the MAA go for an evening stroll. Thus, staying in his cabin might be a good idea for the next hour or so. (That Black Bush is a powerful sedative) In the meantime, I think he will find, like most cabins aboard, that if you push the "open" button on the Blue Ray player for the 60" flat screen TV a lower cabinet door will open to expose two bottles of Laphroiag 18 years old with some crystal glasses. (Hopefully the heathen won'tdare put ice cubes, or water into that ) AND if he tells anyone, it'll be standing room only in there with all the visitors. :king:

Never been game to press even the go button on my Blue Ray thingy as it is RED..........but I might now have a go at the lower cabinet door with a jemmy rather than risk pressing any red buttons.

A word in MAA's defence your honor
he is new to our set up in the bridge. he needed to slow the Port engine to enable us to make a turn. Seeing the red button he though that was for the Port engine and pressed it.
I rest my case (of Black bush) by the engine room door.

Um well I suppose it is the season of good will after all so in the spirit of the season I shall don my big white beard and red boilersuit and dispense largess to the rest of the crew and forgive them the error of their ways.... this is a ONE TIME only offer mind... any more unauthorised pushing of the BIG RED button shall incur the wrath of the Gods (me with large Stilson) upon the miscreants head.......... and a Merry Christmas to you all, bah humbug. (sorry couldn't resist that as I have an image to maintain :chuckle:)

Phew! That is a relief!!!

I will make my may to the bar full of thanks, apologies (and Laphroig) to Tmac and his crew and thanks also to Sir William for his mitigation. I will NEVER press a big red button again until I know what it does!

I must also thank Sir William for his advice - closed regulator, wound cut off to zero, applied brakes and wound cut off back to astern! In other words, pushed the levers backwards.

Let me lick my wounds and I am up for the next port of call.

McC

Is it safe to go out on deck now?

I was just starting to shower, but lost my balance when the deck started going like the clappers. I tried grabbing something to hold on to, but the shower curtain wasn't attached securely enough to the overhead rail. I tripped over the damn thing, and hopping around on one foot while trying to keep my balance, I eventually fetched up with the other foot jammed down the heads, and one hand trying to stem the sudden flood of cold water jetting out of where the wash basin faucet used to be. (That came off in my hand as well.) I managed to reach under the basin and found a valve on a pipe that looked promising, so I turned it until the water stopped gushing. After a while, the torrent stopped, but I'm not sure that this is because the valve actually worked, or the fresh water service tank has run dry. Anyway, the deck in the bathroom is much cleaner now. Bright as a new pin.

Oh! We'll get 'Ealf and Safety on your predicament right away. (On the GD, that is comprised of Sir William, Tmac and myself where we convene as a board and accept bribes of Four Bells rum, or Black Bush as specified by each board member in order to find in your favour. Settlement is usually 2 rink side tickets to the next hockey game in #1 hold. (The heated seat area.) :):)

What was it that you were doing in the shower?

I think he was winding his automatic watch Tom

I think that the hair of the dog recipe I was taught by John from Paignton may have been partly responsible for my discomfiture. I'm sure I remembered it correctly. John said it was his favourite coffee and rum recipe. I made it in a large mug, starting with a spoonful of Maxwell House instant coffee, a measure of Wood's Rum, two measures of Tia Maria, three measures of Kahlua, four spoonsful of Demerara sugar, five spoonsful of condensed milk, topped up with hot water. On reflection, I think the ingredients were correct, but I may have got the numbers wrong. :sweat:

Errrmm... tee hee.....

See wgat a clean crew i have readers!...they all like to spend time in the showers.

Mr. McCloggie -- Would you be so kind as to muster all the shore parties and have the cutouts transport them back to the GD. Leaving first thing ( 1:30 p.m. after the usual leaving port full English breakfast celebration). Destination Horta on the island of Fayal (Faial) in the Azores.

Tmac, seeing as we have been anchored in the Mona Passage, may we assume your injuns are still on standby?? :supercool:

I am back.....sniff sniff....Oh, smell that Bacon cooking. Our chef is really on the ball.
Fresh coffee pot and rum bottle please steward. Must have the correct blood alcohol level for a nice departure eh!

Injuns are always on standby, ready for our usual quick getaway :chuckle: Just take the handbrake off select first gear and awayyyyyyyyyy we go :bye:

Tom A:

The cut outs (with my help I hasten to add) have been able to muster (round up) all crew members that were ashore - apart from Varley!

Sir William is in his usual seat, Tmac and his crew are on standby, DS appears to have extracted himself from the heads/showers but I have to report that Varley remains absent.

We will continue to follow our enquiries with the local police, dubious bars etc. right up to sailing time but I have instructed the cut outs to be all back on board prior to sailing.

Discipline! That is what we must have here!

If he misses the ship he is on his own!

I will be in the bar if anyone wants to discuss this.

McC

McC, Varley just transmits himself in when he wants, very talented man. Can't say much about this, bit hush hush.

[II'll be in sick bay if needed. Darn Allergy knocking me about again....hate getting old.[/I]

Well if everyone is happy with Varley in his Harry Potter self apperating mode, then I can report that everyone is on board.

McC

Oh! No!! Don't tell me that incontinence is an allergy -- I always thought I didn't have any allergies. :supercool::supercool:

OK you bridge wallahs -- Green button and head North -- more or less heading for Faial.

MAA - please get the Cutouts to string fishing lines abaft. Should be able to catch enough for a good fry up. Chippy Potatoes ready from Mary's garden. Ditto Mushy peas. (Needless to say to be washed down with the brew of your choice.) :angel:

My kind of menu Tom...LOL

Fishing lines deployed aft as requested TA.

The Cutouts seem to landing a good few fish, but some very weird looking specimens.

Did you expect one stamped "WD 1940 Mk II High Explosive"? It is a big b****r, pointy head and a strange propeller for a tail.

I hope Chef knows what is what.

McC

throw that one back...VERY GENTLY!!