Here you go..

https://youtu.be/sbOEgigo5SY?si=CIE_N4ujNOMk4EZN

If you can’t take a joke don’t join

A couple of slightly cryptic pics for you to work out.
(not connected, just posted together.)
Well I thought that they were amusing anyway.
First one...

Second one...

???????????
Am I thick?

Following on from Malcolm's last:

What do Captain Kirk and toilet paper have in common?




They both eliminate Klingons!

Rgds.
Dave

I’ll give it a day or two…

Someone has suggested that Norway, Sweden and Denmark put bar codes on their ships…

When they enter port then they could….

Scan d’Navy in.

The only bar code I understood was you can't stand at the bar unless you have a drink.

Tile on our kitchen wall:

'God give me patience - but be quick, please'

Clues?
What type of sword?
What is Jean-Luc Picard saying?

Claymore. The anti personnel mine has the same warning on it.

Spot on John

Had a leg up on that one Mal, I set up a few of them while in the Army.

Why am I not surprised :bounce:

#1804 - "Make it so, number one." (sew?).

"Everything you were ever afraid of......."

So they give it a "15" Certificate.

Our Antipodean colleagues might appreciate this one..

Another one for our friends down under…

Mundaracula one presumes.

Never heard of him! :jester:

He's the vampire who only appears on Mondays.

Shortly after a British Airways flight had
reached

its cruising altitude, the captain announced:

"Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your captain.

Welcome to
Flight 293, non-stop from London Heathrow to

Antigua. “The weather ahead is good, so we

should have a uneventful flight. So, sit back,

relax, and.........OH...MY GOD!"

Silence followed.......................

Some moments later, the captain came back on
the

intercom. "Ladies and Gentlemen, I'm

sorry if I scared you. While I was talking to you,
a

flight attendant accidentally spilled coffee in
my

lap. You should see the front of my pants!"

From the back of the plane, an Irish

passenger yelled....... “For the luvva

Jaysus…..you should see the back of
mine!"

Not British Airways; He would still be wearing trousers so soon after takeoff!

I have been browsing the user manual for my extending ladder.
Well, perhaps not a manual, more a step by step guide.

Always attach your 5 point safety harness to the top rung of the ladder.
Just a little H&S advice.

Well quite so, particularly if it is listing…
Or does that deserve a bullet?

Somebody mentioned Boaty Macboatface.

Be careful Malcolm - That was devised by a design committee headed by Tom Vart and seconded by FG86!!!!!!

I am now donning my tin helmet and dropping into a shell crater!

Rgds.
Dave

It's obviously an RAF IBTWL-GA-SM

It might very well be YM but how do you know?
Is it smooth bore or rifled? Gotcha!

Neither.
It is grease lubricated.

Perhaps my second name is Schmidt but, on reflection, it is more likely to be Schultz.

Their real, not so much fun, names are:
ZP801 – Pride of Moray
ZP802 – City of Elgin
ZP803 – Terence Bulloch DSO DFC
ZP804 – Spirit of Reykjavík
ZP805 – Fulmar
ZP806 – Guernsey's Reply
ZP807 – William Barker VC

RAF humour can be somewhat unconventional. A Shackleton based at Changi in 1970/1971and the subject of an Airfix kit, was decorated so that to any interested observer it was flying on behalf of "White Knuckle Airlines."

https://www.pprune.org/military-avia...eton-c1-2.html

Pa (RN for the war) was fond of telling us that the RAF always had the best nicknames. His favourite was for army types, "Brown jobs". Another I heard from a AAIB presentation "Mechanical palm trees" - helicopters.

After leaving the Sea I worked as an HGV driver.
One day I had a delivery note with just [Evans - Caerphilly] on it, so phoned the Transport Office from a phone box (remember those?) for a proper address.

"Have you tried looking them up in the phone directory?" said the wise traffic clerk!

Remembering I had once been at sea I replied:
"**** OFF - have you seen how many pages of Evans there are in the Caerphilly Directory?"

On another occasion, I was in the said Office when an agency driver phoned in about 2 hours after he should have completed his delivery.

"I'm in Wales" he said "I can't find this Tunbridge place anywhere."

Ah the '60s

Were you really there?

Many years ago a Solicitor aquaintance introduced me to the sedimentary filing system.

This is quite neat in comparison.