Droll my arse.

Oh dear that was an unexpected response.:confused:
My ‘shaggy dog’ was a response to Bob’s shaggy dog tale, it wasn’t intended as a substitute for Andrex.

It sort of took my breath away also. I agree with you that Young Clay be limited to 50 words per post and 30 if he is blackguarding the Church of England.

You keep this up and I'll sign some Monk forms and join up. :big_tongue:

I’m off to Blindfold Archery classes today. We have a brilliant time!

If you’ve never tried it, you don’t know what you’re missing.

Is it like a No-Noise disco?

A local farmer had a field of annoyingly noisy, male cattle. After many complaints, he decided to get rid of them.

As a result of his neighbourly action, he was awarded the "No bull peace prize.”

This could be ‘interesting’..
But with some of the ‘Merican’ milk I’ve been served I doubt they’d notice.

My commuter mate is not the brightest. He told me that it’s about time the railways recruited some taller drivers and guards.

He said “My regular train’s just been cancelled yet again due to the shortage of staff.”

My mate Philip went to a fancy dress party last night dressed as a screwdriver.

Excitedly he said, “I can tell you, I turned a few heads!”

There I was sitting at the bar staring at my drink when a large, trouble-making biker steps up next to me, grabs my drink, and gulps it down in one swig.

"Well, whatcha' gonna do about it?", he says, menacingly, as I burst into tears.

"This is the worst day of my life," I say. "I'm a complete failure. I was late to a meeting and my boss fired me. When I went to the parking lot, I found my car had been stolen and I don't have any insurance. I left my wallet in the cab I took home. I found my wife with another man and then my dog bit me."

"So I came to this bar to work up the courage to put an end to it all, I buy a drink, I drop a capsule in, and sit here watching the poison dissolve; then you show up and drink the whole thing! But enough about me, how's your day going?”

True story - A friend went to a fancy dress party naked, except for a cardboard box covering his parts - He went as a Tool Box.

A colleague turned up at a Hallowe'en party dressed as a "flasher," complete with scruffy long raincoat and a plastic dildo hanging outside his trousers. He also had a large false nose with some Groucho Marx spectacles and false moustache. Someone asked him who he was supposed to be.

He replied "F**k Nose."

(Dave's post jogged my memory!)

At last, a bit of humour. Smutty, yes but I'm not at all prudish. Keep it up lads.

His Doctor told my daft mate that he was suffering from insomnia.

He asked "Is it serious Doc?”

The Doctor said "There's no need for alarm!”

Old joke .... :o

My brother is a very, very keen Pike angler! He travels extensively around the UK looking to catch the best specimen! I remember ferrying him (when he couldn't drive -Never learned up till a near fatal motorcycle accident) to Newton-Le-Willows for a Pike Angling Association meeting. A weird experience N-L-W, especially as Man. U. were playing!
Rgds.
Dave

Newton-Le-Willows seemed a bit strange when I attended a company meeting there in the '90's. Overnight accomodation had been arranged, which was OK, but finding the venue for the meeting was challenging. The whole area seemed to be one huge industrial estate. We never went there again. I think the town was famous for a large factory manufacturing railway locomotives, but not much else.
We told a few jokes at the meeting but I can't remember them now. They would probably be deemed offensive in these strange times anyway.

The only thing that bit me in Newton Le Willows was the After Sales Department of Ruston Diesels, they could teach the Pike a few new tricks.

Maternity ward of the Deltic engine, used in locomotives and boats...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D3bj47TAYiU

...just right for Halloween.
6 banks of them to make an engine.
2 engines per loco.

Witchcraft i tells ya.

No witchcraft here from Newton Le Willows.
A simple, successful and reliable British product from Newton Le Willows for the Victorian Railways.
Sixty J class locos were built there in 1954 by the Vulcan Foundry.
Couple of pics herewith.
Geoff (YM)

Did a 2 week training course with Ruston in NLW, in the old Vulcan Works which was living history of the industrial age. On average Vulcan delivered a steam engine to The Great Indian Peninsula Railway every 10 days for over 100 years. And now it is a development of luxury apartments.

Nothing to cut the capsule…?

Have Harrods or Harvey Nicks got a more petite ladies version?