I never knew my wireless telephone had GPS. I have been determining the longitude by 'phoning the speaking clock in Greenwich and comparing it to Madam's 'horizontal interlude' timer. As for latitude I 'phone the GD cadet on port watch to put up a flare. I then strangulate the two to get a cocked up hat. Seems to do the trick except, for some reason, on Novembers the fifth.

Gentlemen Hello!

Did a quick SSS and took myself off ashore only to find this nice bar with the subdued lighting and bright red lights outside.

How nice to see you all. Let me get you a drink.

No Chief that is my friend - find your own and DS that is my friend too!

I can see this could end in tears - Tom that is one of MY friends too!

See you later boys!

McC

A quick question for the deck crew.

If you are offshore looking at the navigation marks what does a fixed red over a flashing white signify?

McC

That might be our medical orderly administering an injection to a recalcitrant patient.

I do feel that Varley's navigational methods are a little suspect.

I think we have to sort this first.

"I'll put a girdle round the earth in fourty muinits " -A Midsummer Night's Dream.

Women's corsetry is notoriously expensive.

it's an injuneer you lot need, we are always groping about in the dark and discovering even more wondrous things to do in evermore strange places. :supercool:

Varleys navigational skills are beyond reproach, he once managed to guide us to a brothel in a convent.... and can sniff out a pint of beer at 1000 yards in a perfume factory :chuckle:

it wasn't a brothel it was a soup kitchen.

I remember that, fish head soup as I recall.

No, it was brothel. Not unsurprisingly soup making was not the house forte.

As for one red light. The ladies are just anticipating the need for two.

Where are We Heading
 

I seem to have lost the plot over the past couple of weeks and feel that we are caught in an eddy, just going round and round in an ever diminishing vortex. Does our navigator know where we are headed? Oh Please! No more bars in Red Light districts. It is impossible to get a decent champers and whilst I am waiting for you chaps I get mistaken for one of the locals. :very_sad:

In future I think I will just stay on the pool deck and have the stewards ply me with champagne and salmon. Though I must say that I could have earned quite a bit of pocket money waiting around for you lot.

Now, can we get going to somewhere exciting? Pulease.

Well Red we are in Kingston, Jamaica, home to Harry Belafonte, Usain Bolt, Appleton rum, music, tropical nights, ----- and yes, if you could join us in this trendy little bar we will make sure you are quite safe, and will have an unlimited supply of ice cold Dom Perignon.

In the next day, or so, wel will have to continue on our way to Houston to deliver our cargo. :pint:

How come all your friends have "five o'clock shadow" and deep voices? :king:

:applause: :applause:

I suspect most of us would rather be doing a jigsaw than negotiating for ladies of dubious affection in a red light bar, but it is our nature to hanker after colourful anecdotes.
We are somewhere exciting, we are manning the Golden Dreamer, the world is not only our oyster, it is also our seraglio and our mechanical fantasy.
Where do you wish to go? It will be our mission to conduct you there, maybe in a convoluted way.

How come all your friends have "five o'clock shadow" and deep voices?

Yes and they are all called Lola!

McC

So THAT's why all the drinks taste like Coca Cola..........

"Where are we going" is your opening question, and the answer, as FJ says, is "everywhere."

Now, navigators like to navigate, much as Chief Knuckles likes to engineer. You see, when we are in port, navigators don't have anything worthwhile to do, because we are somewhere. That's why the Admiral, and the Captain, and other sundry officers and persons of the deck crowd always end up in a small peaceful haven ashore exhibiting a red light at the entrance. All ports and harbours show a red light at the entrance, so it's only natural to go in to explore what delights are available to seafarers who haven't set foot on land since their last port of call. (Harbours also exhibit a green light, but that is another story entirely.) So navigators like to take as long as possible, provided we don't have any cargoes needing urgent delivery, because they enjoy looking at the stars and the sun through brass instruments. (Not the sort you find in an orchestra.)

I took my sextant to see Wagner's Ring Cycle. I suppose it wasn't actually in the orchestra.

This made my parallel rulers very jealous.

I may have dreamt this. I do dream so much.

Farmer John, You have missed your medication again, haven't you? Naughty boy! :hippy:

Tmac -- we should leave Kingston tomorrow -- meaning at Green button we have about 3 days before we deliver our cargo to Houston. Have you managed to reveal the formula for this copolymer substance with a coefficient of zero with any other substance? :supercool:

I used to know the formula, but it slipped my mind.

Oh lordy...think I will change channel as Tmacs response may embarrass me.....LOL

yes, but I'm NOT telling you :D

Tmac, did I spot you in the marathon a couple of days ago? It was the boiler suit and the way you wielded a shifter that made me think so.

Thought you'd slip one by me, Eh? That's all I needed to know. :D

I thought he was very sunburnt as he breasted the tape.
The results really highlighted Norn Iron sporting prowess, Tmac winning the mens' race and Arlene mac the ladies. No Surrender.

That wasn't sunburn but a liberal coating of HFO and Swarfega, you can't be too careful these days and joggers nipple can really make your eyes water.

Snarlene can't run forever but I guess there is nothing wrong with getting a good head start before the flames of the RHI catch up with her.

You rogue. Wasting good fuel as a sunscreen.

I think the plasticos have heard about the run ashore. There was a lot of hammering and sawing coming from the Chippy's store earlier, and I think this explains it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yp2BzOWisao

Oh lordy...Plasticos on wheels.....my mind boggles.

Wait until you see what Squeek has been up to with the empty oil drums in the pit while we have been ashore.......

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=06eyqLosXjU


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0vRb9ITo-oA

I see RED's Getting into the sprit of things too!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NsOYrFMQ0Jw

This explains why all the cockroaches have run off with the bean tins. I thought I heard a faint tintinnabulation coming from behind the panelling.

Did you know the Limbo was invented by a Scotsman trying to get into a pay toilet? :king::king:

Are we all a little afraid of Houston?

Or do we all have hangovers.

silly question FJ. Paracetamol, Toast and Coffee please steward. Oh and a couple of shots of pussers in the Rum please.

After we've all indulged in our favourite remedy, perhaps Mr. McCloggie would be so kind to get the cutouts to single up in preparation for departure. (But QUIETLY, please!)

Navigation department report to the bridge for the usual attitude adjustment to clear our minds.

Tmac, suggest you hold your tea tin under the voice pipe to receive your usual freshener from the bridge. (Or, you can use the spigot on the tube from the header tank) :brain:

Hair of the dog that bit me usually works, so one of those please, steward, and one of those, one of those over there, one of that one on the end, and a pint of best to wash it down. Oh, and a rum chaser to keep it all down.

On my way Tom, if I'm not there in 10 minutes, start without me.:jester:

Sounds like it was a pack of hounds that chased you round the deck last night, with you shouting "Wait for me, I've got the anchor to get up". Didn't look like an anchor, but there are always carrots, have you ever noticed?

Nah, I always walk quietly and carry a big stick....:jester: