Hi SSR, welcome back. Did you fly in anything good this mission?

Geography isn't ES's long suit. :p

If you insist, by all means take your ire back to the GD1, but please leave what's left of the bog roll in your cabin, otherwise you will find a deduction on your pay-off slip.

Farmer John, perhaps we should order some more bog roll from the chandlers - wouldn't want to get caught short of that, woud we? :D

Certainly did miss you -- dearth of hockey in #1 hold -- Maybe you could use your influence to have the Capitols play the Vegas Golden Knights there for game 5??

Ice is in good shape -- we've been using the Zamboni scrapings for our Creme de Menthe frappes. :pint:

Red, its you.


BB christened you after watching you at breakfast eating a Kiwi Fruit like a boiled egg. His rapier wit knows no bounds.


My avuncular advice to you is to have a proper breakfast, small Guinness washed down by a drop of spiced rum. Billy is a stickler for proper behaviour in the Saloon.


For my own part I'm quite fond of "Red 17".

Who left a roll of stair carpet in the control room? Tmac wants to float test it and I'm having trouble diverting him with stories of bottom ends.

No.


Ought I?

Nor is his spelling of 'sheila' despite its apparent Irish origin.

Do they have 'sheilas' in New Zealand or are they called something else of equal political incorrectness?? :flowers:

Here I am, Celebrity Second Engineer of GD2, with a Chief's Ticket and an "A" Level under my belt and my spelling and geography being commented upon by Casey Jones and Wallie Sims. Crew should know their place, Loose Lips. Unhappy Ships.
Cox'n break out the Cat O' Nine.

ES,
Guilty as charged.
We all know how Casey Jones ended up regardless of whether he could spell or not.
Not the Cat, please - there must be a pecuniary alternative even if only paid in small instalments.
Is there a discount for the guilty plea?
Will Red be able to get me exonerated on some spurious medical ground like insanity? I would like to think that that would be a spurious ground!
:pint:
YM

You make a bloody good case for exoneration YM.


Cox'n break out the cat of four tails.


And remember, the both of youse, no more Mr Nice Guy.

We've not had any yet, I suspect you sold all the carefully saved fat from the Galley to the dockies at our last port.

Tom, stores are well to date, an out break of New Orleans evacuation would still leave us amply provided for.

I was in Whitby during the great bog paper lack of 1972 and saw things then a man should never have seen. It will not happen on the GD.

What you saw was not even X-Rated. All your New Orleans "Evacuations", and furlongs of Andrex is flowing downwards with gravy sorry gravity and will end up in Tmac's lap. He and his wee helpers will then separate solids, salted peanuts, from liquids, god knows what, and environmentally deal with them. T has a heart of gold but at times smells a bit on departure, cut him a bit of slack, perhaps Red 17 will swab him down with antiseptic or anti organophosphates. Regard him as Hazmat.

As I have done all the required Hazmat training, including correct donning of suit and full breathing mask, no gaps anywhere, and subsequent showering and removal I would be more than willing to take on the task of making sure that Tmac will be in a sanitary and pristine condition post my attention. However, I cannot say how long he will stay in that condition. Not sure that I would be able to help Squeek and Eric much as they are fearful of just about everything and I think my hazmat outfit will cause them much distress. :eek:

Skipper, we will need a safe way to discard the effluent that I will be creating in the cleaning up of Tmac. Please advise me on this matter.

Really ES, "youse" ???? I am surprised, and disappointed. :(

Your prat! That was the non conductive equivalent to duck boards IMO requires of the switchboard front. We'll be going through Suez projector crews like Cromwell through the massed bands of the Hibernian rebels unless you lay it again.

I believe the carpet was left there for your use, thus helping reduce your consumption of bog roll. Mind you, there is another alternative:

Just had a dig around in No 2 hold in my bottle stash. Brought up a case of what I believe is VERY old Rum (labels decomposed owing to years beneath the sea)
Crews bar will be hosting a tasting shortly.

Squeek has solved the problem, it's not a roll of stair carpet, it's a cummerbund with a three legged logo on the crest. Would the owner please collect it before Squeek and his mate make a nest in it.
It would look swell on a fine cut of a man at Billyboy's rum swarry.

Why?


Vicki !!


Sack cloth and ashes for not using a Canberra Accent, what an uncouth cobber I am.


Old shit for brains Serang has a track record of reverting to Received East Antrim in times of crisis. And its mostly crisis on the flea bitten rustbucket.

Damn me. I wondered why my watch smelt of mouse shit after dining in Summer mode. I thought the backless waistcoat (Winter mode) was by design but perhaps the little buggers have eaten it. I'd better check the Albert for gnaw before I go to the rummy-do-dah.

Sigh :very_sad::very_sad: never mind me dear lady, injuneers are well used to being always in the sh1t, especially this one :cloud: story of my life that is.

you are very lucky it was only mouse shit, we must have a stowaway on board as Squeek is a RAT and his dropping are lethal I can assure you. Burn through steel plate they can so your timepiece would have no chance. :D As for your Albert, last report from Sister Eleff was that it was in a rather tatty condition, covered in wrinkles and rust stains (?) on the shaft. :D

Has he a Prince Albert???


Evan Davis of the BBC has one, do you think we should invite him on board when next in UK. After all it is so much more discrete than a tattoo.

Nah, he makes a hell of a racket in the shower :applause: I have it on good authority he has his Prince Albert connected to his nipples... no wonder he walks funny :paper:

Merciful heavens, you are making me feel akin to a 65 year old woman brought up in a ... I nearly said monastery but that must be wrong. A nunnery?

I would not have anything added to my body (though many bits have been cut away after dismasting and the receiving of a full broadside, fire as we bear ), the notion of having a full pack of hounds tattooed down my back and a foxes brush protruding from the fundament as a well known but not fully recorded adornment to the Matelot's body is interesting but not attractive...

Pint of Creme de Menthe anyone? Makes your mouth feel squeaky clean.

Nah thats Cinema cramp Tmac. (fly buttons through waistcoat button holes keeps one in the stooped possition)

PINT!!!!????? :eek: FJ, you need to report to the sick bay AT ONCE.

Pint of Creme de Menthe?? --- all we need is a couple of gallons of top quality vanilla ice cream, and two quarts of whipped cream, and we can have Creme de Menthe parfaits all round. Oh! and a couple of jars of Maraschino Cherries to adorn the tops!! :thumb::thumb:

My friend from Glasgow tells me that the Pope is overly fond of a Crème de Menthe.
Speaking for myself a thimbleful would give me the bokes.

Nothing short of a Magnum of Dom for RED 17.

If he drinks pints of that shit no wonder they carry him about in a chair :pint::paper:

I drink pints of Black Bush washed down with a red diesel chaser, great concoction, you get drunk from the feet up. :pint: Nobody knows you're pissed until you try to stand up :thumb:

Did you pay the Excise Duty on your red diesel?


Our Vicki was called Victoria when at school. She found nursey training a bit harrowing and took to Matilda beer and red diesel chasers, or shots as her age group calls them. The dye in the diesel kept turning her.. red, hence the nickname. This happened 17 times until she discovered that sniffing leaded petrol was a much more satisfying experience.
I know I have broken a confidence telling the above story but I feel Victoria will forgive me in time, its not in her nature to seek revenge.

In Norn Iron ???? you are taking the piss now :D

Big sales of white bread...

As the Admiral secretly registered GDII as a ferry, and therefore a vessel that provides a valuable public service, we claim back any VAT and duty paid.


(This was a little known law that a friend in HMRC told me about. Until we are informed differently, we shall be submitting our annual claim again soon. Moving members of the public from one continent to another can be very lucrative.)

I agree Dart skipper. we have had the occasional PAX job in the past. as our 28 PAX cabins rival those of a millionaires yacht (which indeed the GD is) I would suggest to our agent that we need more inter island trips to keep us all in the millionaire bracket.
Having just gone through the figures I find that Tmac is the wealthiest among us (due to the fact he's never out of the Engine room long enough to spend anything)
If Tom would be so kind as to inform our agent of our whereabouts at all times maybe we could acquire more Executive class passenger trips from up market companies wishing to treat their upper management. (they also claim tax back on it) And, for us the perks are nice. some of those private secretary s are very nice.

I do let our agent know where we are most of the time (unless we are on clandestine -- really lucrative business). I do perceive we might be able to drum up some executive business on our own as well. (No agent fees that way either!) :D

BBBRrrrrrrr, brainfreeze, that Creme de Menthe is strange stuff. I only had a half, I am a responsible person. Necked a small jar of cocktail cherries too.

Think I'll go lie down.