VMT for holding the Bridge while I was otherwise occupied FJ. I knew I could rely on the watch to take care of any emergencies.

(Wasn't the old adage,

"If ahead is green and red,
Scream and shout and lose your head?")

To answer your enquiry about where we are going, we are proceeding to our destination, of course. (Alternatively, off course.)

Carry on FJ.

For those members of the crew and domestic team who aren't that interested in watching the fighting on the ice rink, our entertainments officer has informed me that he has arranged for an exhibition tennis match to be played on the upper deck aft of the swimming pool. He has instructed the deck gang to build a clay court for the match to be played on. He has also arranged for our intrepid military chopper jockey to fetch the two participants from that passing cruise liner. They are those very well known Russian tennis stars, Hannah Gruntalotski and Maria Shriekitova. Arrangements have also been made with a sub clause in their contracts that should we pass through a tropical storm during the match, they are to stop playing tennis immediately and start mud wrestling instead.

Tom, I am steering for the storm, hoping of course to miss it.

Now, Buys Ballots law, let's see, stand with your back to the fire, the front door is on the left if you have been eating your toast and Marmite.

Where's the Marmite gone? Oh well we'll just imagine we are in the Northern hemisphere, I think that should be right.

Bugger the marmite.. we're a Bovril house.. have a supply of it (hopefully) coming next week from Zuid Afrika...

That's a different kettle of salt, I can enjoy that too. But it doesn't tell you which hemisphere you are in.

Ah.. some things shall remain a mystery, dontcha see...:D

Hmmmmmm...mud wrestling eh!...theres tasty look you!

Thanks for the offer of refurbishment of the hat. If I promise not to sing all the time can I at least hum most of the time? :D I am already practising Cuanto Le Gusta. It could almost be a song written especially for the crew of the GD. (If you are interested you can get the lyrics from Mr Google.)

VMT, OOW? Remember, not all of us come from a seafaring background and I am beginning to wonder if some of you aren't just making them up.

OK, so what's with Marmite, Vegemite, Bovril? Are there any other such spreads that we can add to the list? The three listed all have three things in common, they can be spread on toast, made into a broth solution and to the uninitiated can taste pretty vile.

It was almost a foregone conclusion. :D

Yeah, it's a necessary evil, I fear.

Yes, of course, Farmer John. Consider the Pirate uniform yours. Stop by my office and we'll do the necessary "fitting". No giggling, now. Would you prefer a sleep mask to the 2 eye-patches? I have one. It's pink with lace trim. Don't mind the oily fingerprints. :D

??? lot of noise from Hold No1...They must be winning again.

Morning Tom. Whats out ETA at the next Port mate?

Thought Dart skipper was into Stars last night when he said he was studying Heavenly bodies. Turnrd out he was looking at the CCTV screens....Sigh! and I missed it!...heh heh heh

Are pets, other than Pat's chooks and the sheep in Red's care in the garden of course, allowed on board the GD? If so, I would like to bring my latest pet on board as "ship's dragon" for the enjoyment of all.

He/she/it only eats the odd chook and/or sheep occasionally. As an added advantage he/she/it would be quite prepared to replace the naked lady on the bow so that we would be in full compliance with the latest Discrimination and Harassment laws.

Yeah, I was practicing sending semaphore messages at night when I discovered the flags aren't luminous. I shall have to hand them over to Tmac so that he can hang them up to dry next to his nuclear reaction impulse propelling thingy in the hope they pick up some radiation and become visible in the dark. That's when I started studying the celestial bodies on that electronic observation system. I was very careful to wipe the screen clean again when I had finished. If you let your spilt cocoa go cold, it sets like concrete. This shipboard variety has all the properties of rapid setting runway repair cement.

Shippams made a large variety of savoury spreads. Lots of sea food based stuff that we used to spread on our white bread or toast, or for a Sunday treat, cream crackers.
They also made what they called beef spread and other stuff from the by products of four legged mammals that wandered into the slaughter house and didn't successfully arrive at the other end in one piece. I think Shippams actually had a 1,000 gallon vat of the stuff bubbling away in their factory, and put into those little glass jars, and then stuck different labels on to fool us that this jar tasted different to that jar. If you closed your eyes it all tasted the same.

Keep an eye on the chickens, Pat. Chicken spread was one of their best sellers.

I think a Dragon would not be a good idea. whoever heard of a Bar-B-Qed dragon?

Red-17, can you draw some red and green paraffin from Pats store for our navigation lights please?

Did you see Shippam's Guide to the Opera? "Shippam's for tea, for tea for tea....."

I suppose one might say it's forteasimo.

Y'all seem a bit top heavy with deck officers, sparks, and pig iron polishers and if nobody has applied yet I have a ships cooks ticket. Actually I was the youngest ever to pass, up to that time, aged nineteen. I still have the original amongst my memorabilia #40151. Though it's somewhat old now, Aug. 1953, I assume the B.O.T. still recognizes it, so I volunteer for the ships cook's position.

We all like giving out instructions and commands Rodney, but nobody ever listens to them. Some of the crew are quite firm in guarding their areas of responsibility, but that doesn't stop them offering advice in other areas. I'm sure the owners and shore side staff would be happy to consider your application, but now you're on board, the Galley's that way....!

Having sailed with Hogarths, a decent Ships Cook is welcome.

Stand still Rodney, I am on my way up to you with Articles waiting to be signed.

There, well done Rodney! come with me and I'll show you around. Heres the Galley, as you can see spotless apart from the fridge handles, someone from the engineering department has been here during the night. That door is to the walk in cold store. pantry over here. That door opposite is to your suite.
Stewards! New bedding in the senior cooks suite please!
Rodney you have full control of menu. Most of us like an English Breakfast with Coffee and toast.
Have a look round and anything you need you Order from Pats. she will then inform Varley our communications officer who will order ahead.
Oh I nearly forgot, Heres your welcome aboard bottle of four bells.

be sure we are glad to have you aboard Rodney.

Tannoy: all crew please note. Galley is now under command of Rodney and his 3 designated plastic Stewards. Be sure to give him a nice welcome.

I must have been miscounting last night, sloth has six letters in it (six fingers on each hand, I think that's right).

A cook! The cook is the one that keeps you going, as is the engineer, but the cook doesn't have black oily clothing and hands (apart from the one is the last bar we visited before the Great Day of Flatulence). Welcome aboard.

Remember, only handle the red in your left hand and the green in your right lest they become contaminated and confused as to their identity.

The YMs belongs to a group of old biddies who work for charity and I offered them a loan of my dragon as their mascot. Their reaction was similar to that of Billyboy. Perhaps I will just bank his fire and smuggle him aboard in a TEU ostensibly filled with Marmite that seems so popular here although I have no idea as to why this is so.
I will keep him hidden from our new Cook Rodney just in case he is looking for something to BBQ.

Rodney, I have no authority, but you're hired!!! I keep chickens, although I'm not sure where I keep them anymore. So, providing no one has BBQ'd them the day before, you'll have fresh eggs. Welcome aboard. Make an appointment with me and I'll fit you (that's the fun part :D) with your uniform. No one has claim the Swedish Chef uniform. Do you want it? :confused:

Aye Aye Sir, Will attend to that as soon as I have the sheep out of the garden. I didn't know we had any sheep until Mundrabilla brought them to my attention. Hang on? Aren't those sheep from the property at Mundrabilla? If this keeps up, what with chickens, mules and now sheep we will need to convert another area to a farm yard.

Tell me something I don't know YM! :mad:

Welcome aboard Rodney. We have plenty of honey and peanut butter as well as different varieties of those vile tasting black spread, like vegemite etc. If YM's sheep stay we should also have some sheep's milk, makes a great smelly cheese. If you like I can show you how to make it, although it does require the stomach of a sheep to ferment in.:D

OK billyboy, I never got a bottle of four bells, or anything else for that matter, when I joined up.:(

you have not looked in all the cupboards in your suite then Red-17. Plenty of bottles including a fine champers in your suite. More I might add then any other ctrw person got when they joined.
And all because we all love you...

I've always known it as a dirty four letter word ending in "K" :D

Yes, all three can be spread on toast, but it's much better to slather on a good laying of fresh beef dripping first. :)

#2 hatch lower tween decks are not in use at the moment, so it would be quite OK to set up a hyrdoponic garden there in the port and starboard climate controlled refer lockers.. I think Tmac and Varley with the combined electrical experience would work fine. We can then grow our veggies there and expand the lawns on the garden deck for the animals. :eek:

TANNOY: Varley, in order to support this spectacular spectacle, and in light of the fact that we are in the Southern Hemisphere, Woluld you please light the St. Elmo's Fire for all our new hands who have not witnessed that before? :rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes:

Yes - we are indeed in the Southern Hemisphere and approx 2000 miles SW of the Cook Islands, heading for (as I noted sometime ago!!!!) Auckland. ETA noon the day after tomorrow. :)