It's where the coffee and rum stains overlap on the chart.:pint:

OK, which end of the cigar burn?

That is because he only announces where we are going after we get there.

I can see the similarities between intersecting of the glass rings and hyperbolic radio navigation. Perhaps there should be an M notice warning of possible confusion with Loran and Decca overlays.

Can we please check that there is no small island or shallow danger under the cigar burn. It really would have been better if you had not tipped a large gripetini into the ECDIS. That didn't mind cigar abuse or the tapping out of one's pipe against the screen but now only shows the Teletubbies at two bells in every watch except Sundays.

Has ES published the dielectric properties of Black Mountain tincture yet? We are short of WD40.

Decca overlays are rarely flecked with sputum, phlegm and tobacco jus whilst our original charts contain more organic matter than a ham sandwich and enough DNA to confuse Scotland Yard.


And speaking of Scotland Yard what lassie on our crew has more fingerprints on her bum than there is in SY?


And speaking of WD 40, there's none because FJ and BB are spraying it into p paper bag and sniffing the di electrics until their hearts content. Hence my efforts to stop the Monte Christo's until the WD has evaporated.

Don't worry about the charts, I copied the thin blue line of the "Cyclops'" charts ages ago, you just follow that.

_____________________________________________ can't get lost, can be applied even to an old newspaper. I've got miles of it.

Can somebody please tell we what is going on here and where we are going?

Having woken up with a hangover I would like to know where I am!

While understanding the principles of Decca I am also aware of the danger of slipping chains depending on where we are.

I am of course happy to assist anyone - bridge or ER - but my cut-outs do need to know what is going on to be able to do their job.

By the way, Red's garden is looking good and I hope that with the inclusion of fresh herb, vegetables etc. our catering will reach new heights!.

As a non vegetarian though can I ask that the garden allows Peter Rabbit and his friends to be present? I have a very good French recipe for rabbit with prunes!

McC

We've been keeping rabbits in the old flaglockers for quite some time. Tasty.

I presume that as they only eat lettuce they are vegetarian ones

Preserve me from hoards of carnivorous rabbits, now you've raised it I shan't sleep tonight.

Don't mistake rarebit for rabbit. If you cover a rabbit with cheese sauce it'll have scoffed it before you can put it in the oven.

bit of Rabbit stew..Nice! Mother could do a nice Rabbit Pie too!.

The injuneers keep the whirly thing at the back going round and round until we get where it is we is going to..........simples :bounce:

Rabbit and a Bear were talking one day in the woods. "Tell me" says the Bear "does shit stick to your fur?".."no" said the Rabbit at which point the Bear grabbed the Rabbit and wiped his arse with it. :jester:

Sorry I digress, there is no WD 40 on board apart from the injuneers personal supply, you lot can make do with Vaseline and like it so there :huh:

I know, but which one is the Cardiff Virgin?

We are now in the Marching Season and my Lodge, LOL 503 do not like words such as "Shit" and "Arse" being bandied about willy nilly. We are now an organisation with a long reach so don't think Cuba will give you any protection, Chief.

Howday Dooday Folk it's Independence Day so lets all congregate on the Fake News Deck and share a brisket hoagie and a mint julep, Yee ha. Rednecks from the deck department specially welcome as are all friends and neighbours and North Korean crew.

ES, you bring certain elements of a modern hard world into our Dreamers' paradise, I am not sure we want this.

By George you could be right FJ.
Now wheres my eraser?

Erasers don't work on glass screens nor does whiteout. Not for me anyway.
At least you know the difference between a rubber and an eraser - my kids keep reminding me. :hippy:

Very risky making love with an eraser, :kiss: rubber is much more effective and during the act itself I find the smell of burning rubber quite the aphrodisiac :wink:

As a founder member of my lodge "Slatteries Mounted Foot" I resist the annual urge to march as I am a lazy bugger instead I content myself with accompanying them from the sidelines with my Lambeg Drum. Further and I say this for myself in which I am unanimous the more intoxicated I get the better I sound :yawn:

I am not sure WD40 is compatible with all rubbers. As ES has pointed out it is flammable and suggest a firealarm is the worst sort of interruptus.


Why ES is now speaking in tongues is a mystery.

I have just found out that onamastics is the study of personal names and such. Think I'll give it up now. I thought it looked cool on my passport.

I think you might be stretching the point there, Chief. :big_tongue:

At our age it needs stretching...LOL

We are actually in Havana, Cuba, and have been so for sometime, replenishing our supply of cigars, rum, and sampling the whatevers etc. ashore.

The confusion arose when someone mentioned the Bahamian charts, with all their prolific stains, burns, etc. :bounce:

We don't use either Loran or Decca as apart from them being "old fashioned" they are not that accurate when operating between land masses such as islands, etc. We rather use the Mark I eyeball --- as we only sail in the Bahamas during daylight hours when we can see land and also, with the water being so clear we can see the bottom when it shallows. So - no problem -- and then we celebrate a successful day during the nighttime hours when the warm tropical nights turn our thoughts to ******* (censored!) :egg:

Does that mean the roundy - come - roundy- splisherty- splashy- wheely things on each side are only there for show?

No, they are for when the tide goes out so we can roll along the bottom.

Don't anybody mention the caterpillar tracks on the keel. We are not supposed to know about them.

I only saw them whilst in the water after McC had me walk the plank after some minute transgression or other a while ago. I was supposed to get 'the Cat' or the plank but somehow managed to get both. Anyway I am still here despite the cold in Melbourne at the moment. There is an iceberg in the Yarra.:huh:

May I suggest he SMS manual makes some provision for sobriety of Eyeballs (ancient and modern). Along the lines of proceeding without recourse to evidential brethalyser only when NO land and NO Bottom can be seen.

(And for that matter only when the translucency of the mug stains on the chart is adequate to see though and there are no oceany bits obliterated with cigar burns or by Tmac's little helpers economizing on jointing).

couple of good points there Mr Varley!
I will see to it there will be a Four Bells Coffee machine installed on the Bridge.

I only saw them whilst in the water after McC had me walk the plank after some minute transgression or other a while ago.


YM - The walking of the plank episode was partly your own fault! In order to determine your state of sobriety when Red was unavailable I asked you to "walk in a straight line along that plank on the deck without falling off". We were all surprised (to say the least) when you picked up the plank, stuck it outboard over the handrails then ran up it and jumped off!

At least we got an idea of your state of sobriety but the ensuing launching of recovery boats, deployment of Draycon scoops and cargo nets caused us more problems.

McC

Sobriety and Golden Dreamer is an oxymoron -- like "Army intelligence" and "English cooking". We do have our fail safe collision avoidance system, completely divorced from any need for electrical supply ---- Mr. McCloggie has a team of cutouts on the fo'cst'le issued with buckets of rocks and slingshots. Casting rocks ahead indicates safe passage, or not. If they go "splash" we keep going, If they go "cloink" we stop.
If they go "Ow-WTF" we back up and get the hell out of there! :bounce:

Well it is a fail safe system Tom!

McC

English cooking is not an oxymoron it is an abomination, an abomination before god. What the hell is a Yorkshire Pudding for? Answers and defence on a postcard please, you bloody English with your pissy Red Barrel and stale Melton Mobreys and average football team who smell vaguely of Bovril. Ha Ha. bloody Englisher.


McCloggy better refresh his menu and add some Northern Irish delicacies or me and Tee will get into a scorp. Be warned you bloody Geordie Scouse Git.

Ah Nothing like a peaceful life at sea eh. (should see some of these guys ashore readers....X certificate stuff)

There was no Ulster fry until the British breakfast was an eon old and had scads of you over here digging canals and going begorah and similar in the hopes of getting one. Yorkshire pudding is to fill up the proletarian belly to economise on eating beef, leaving more for their betters. Much as the Hibernians used potato until they found it could be used for making gripewater substitute - probably while they were trying to make them into explosives.

(Abomination is Yorkshire pudding mixture. If the buyer cannot read the simplest of recipes from a book it is not likely they will be able to read the 'instructions' on a package of this preservative infiltrated muck).

Everything is always my fault ............ I am quite used to it but on this occasion I didn't do it. It just happened. :huh:

Hey shipmates the Blighty Association Football Team is playing against some foreign jonnies tomorrow, all are invited to No 4 hatch to watch it on the big screen. My tab will stand you all warm bitter and pork scratchings. If the Swedes beat the Turnips, our gallant Turnips, anyone who wants can riot and hoy bits of dunnage over the port side and pee onto the quay wall.