This new Amazon Echo they've bought out is really good … if I can just get it to stop calling me 'Dave.'

Mine has three stripes and calls me 'Mate'. I am trying to teach it 'Sir'. Just one 'Dave' and we'll see how it's station likes L1/L2 instead of L1/N.

Sign of the times.

:sweat::D:chuckle:

The real reason life emerged from the sea and onto land …. :sweat:

Ah remember those wondrous Christmas things you did as a kid … well technology has made it all so much easier … :sweat: :pint:

Can you be more specific

Its a drone.

Then there was little Johnny who wanted a watch for Christmas ----- So his parents let him. ;);)

let him buy a watch? Most kids just use their phones.

And with a 'phone he could have a video of their performance rated on antisocial media.

Of course this has never actually happened to me.:big_tongue:

Another number on the old clock …. :sweat:

If you've got a parrot, best clip it now. :sweat:

A new take on an old story …. :sweat:

After the honeymoon, Brian was welding some stuff in the garage for fun.

Joan, His new wife, was standing there by the bench watching him.

After a long period of silence Joan finally said: "Honey, I've just been
thinking; now that we are married, maybe you don't need to spend so much
of your time out here in your shed, and could consider selling some of your
machinery and stuff, like your gun collection, fishing gear, and lose all those
stupid model airplanes. And dump that home brewing kit."

Brian got a horrified look on his face and silently stared at her. Joan said,
"Darling, what's wrong?"

Brian replied, "Nothing, but for a minute there, you were starting to sound like
my ex-wife."

“Ex-wife?" She screamed, "YOU NEVER TOLD ME YOU WERE MARRIED BEFORE!”

Brian replied......... "I wasn't.”

DNA testing probably not necessary … :sweat:

Sign Outside a funeral Home.
Drive carefully, "We'll Wait".

In the incubator, the farmer can't hear you scream !!! :eek:

Last month, a world-wide telephone survey was conducted by the U.N.


The only question asked was:- "Would you please give your honest opinion about possible
solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world."

The survey was a complete failure because:

In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant.

In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant.

In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant.

In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant.

In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant.

In South America and Russia they didn't know what "please" meant.

In the USA they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant.

And in Australia, New Zealand, Canada and Britain everyone hung up as soon as they heard the Indian accent.


geoff

I received a request to confirm my GDPR preferences for the IMarEST Guild.

I am pleased to report that they have an enlightened approach to D&A as they claim that "no one full has access" to my personal data. A good lunch, then, can still be had in the City.

I also got the GDPR letter and decided it was an opportune time toclear the air and to feel more relaxed at the Annual Nosebag.
I told them I did not wish to sit beside any man using lipstick or Gloss as they call it nowadays, or any female smoking a pipe or chewing tobacco like a Texan Roustabout. Or the Port Chaplin, padre, man of the cloth. They replied that they thought I was confused. But I tell you I know a Wrong-Un when I see one.

If you are going to the bash (I am booked) may I ask what dress you will be wearing? I would have it so that I can recognise you at the greatest possible distance so that the magnitude, if not the direction, of that vector may be maintained throughout what until now I had expected to be an enjoyable evening. Perhaps if you were to wear a potato at one/both end(s) of your Albert?

(You forgot snuff, I will bring some if that will act as a repellant).

How management works: :sweat:

Management works? I thought we were of the same mind on this rare beast.