[Farmer John]

Ah, the bull in a Bowler hat. What happy days.

I think a little fuzzy logic will help the esteemeiomometer. Fuzzy logic "is employed to handle the concept of partial truth, where the truth value may range between completely true and completely false."

Yes, it should help immensely.
Question "Are we really building an esteemeiometer?"
Answer "the truth value may range between completely true and completely false."

Add in 2 of Schrodingers cats, carefully marked "Not to be opened till Christmas day" and a little quantum entanglement such as that which enables a robin to navigate, and Robert will prove to be one of your parents siblings. And you will probably have one dead cat.