Be of good cheer David, all is not lost I have located a nubile female who has two greasy nipples and is willing to donate same for suitable recompense i.e. a fish supper and a pint of Guinness.
The transaction has taken place and I am now in possession of said nipples, a quick wipe down with an oily rag will see them in a satisfactory condition to be inserted into your knee caps.
Please report at your convenience to the injuneers workshop where ES is standing by with a 7llb anaesthetic prior to my installing the new, well second hand, lubrication devices.
No need for thanks, ES is actually quite looking forward to the procedure, unfortunately the resultant headache from his ministrations will be the least of your problems.
