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Old salt appears in court charged with multiple counts of rape, sexual assault, buggery and obscene behaviour. When asked how he pleads he mumbled something inaudible in response.. "Speak up man" ordered the judge upon which the defence barrister said "Your honour my client has a very sore throat and is unable to speak"........ "would he like to suck a Fisherman's Friend?" enquired the judge "No your honour" replied the barrister "I think he's in enough feckin' trouble as it is"
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Oul scabby knuckles 
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried
Anything God didn't create was made by engineers.
I try so hard to make things idiot proof but they keep making better idiots 
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