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What bastard.
If that is the luck of the Irish then my take on it matches yours as translated into festive gifting and mythical sleigh-riding fatmen.
When Pa was told he had to take seven pints a day he feared fro the worse when asking the BP doctor "I assume yon mean water, Doctor". Aghast the medic replied "Oh no, my dear chap, beer is just fine".
So you have the prescription. All you need is the good luck to find something that matches it in that heathen and rebellious neck of HM's realm.
If you can't be merry at least avoid biting the nurses.
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David V
Lord Finchley tried to mend the electric light
Himself. It struck him dead and serve him right
It is the duty of the wealthy man
To give employment to the artisan
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