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I have a tried and tested method to ascertain the condition of my socks, I throw them against the bulkhead and if they stick I change them. Works for knickers just as well.
As the sun is above/below/alongside/parallel to the yard arm it's time for my evening libation of a nice Black Bush, dressed with a cherry in it. All calls to the funnel suite will go unanswered, Squeek or Eric will wake ES to deal with any injuneering questions.
Oh yes a word of warning to you crew type persons, I shall be venting the exhaust gas boiler and the injun exhaust scrubbers through the A/C system at some time during the night so make sure your seat belts are fastened in your bunks as quite a puff of wind is anticipated through the accommodation.
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Oul scabby knuckles 
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried
Anything God didn't create was made by engineers.
I try so hard to make things idiot proof but they keep making better idiots 
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