[Tom Alexander]

Originally Posted by Dartskipper

Permission to join the ship Sir?

Having read through the thread, I think I may be of some use on your perilous adventure. I don't have a lot of experience on large vessels, whether they be monohulls or catamarans, but I do have lots of experience on small vessels and how to keep them afloat on the foaming deep. I've also done some sailing in my time, and although I have full confidence in Chief Engineer TMac mastering the intricacies of his modern mechanical marvels, it may be prudent to have someone aboard who can rig a few rags here and there in the rigging if we ever come to a sudden shuddering heave to in the middle of the ocean. For example, if we happen to be running downwind when the mechanical elastic bands break, I could jury rig a couple of spinnakers from the foremast to keep us moving, that is if Red-17 could loan me the top half of a bikini. After all, it is vitally important that we make landfall before the bars close. I could also help maintain the rigging, as I have spliced a few Mainbraces in my time, and I used to be reasonably skilful with fancy rope work like Turk's Heads and Monkey fists and all that stuff. Also, if we ever fetch up in the Channel and we need to go round Start Point, you will need someone to stop us scraping the barnacles off on the Skerries Bank.
Oh, and I'm sure the ship's football team will be OK too, with all these West Ham United supporters on board, 'cos we know how football should be played. (Not that we've won very much in our long history.)
Yep, I'm a Hammers fan too, and have stood on the old North Bank at the Boleyn Ground.

Welcome aboard Dartskipper - we welcome your expertise, especially as this vessel beng the Golden Dreamer, has an artfully disguised complete clipper square rig complete with stuns'ls, which we do occasionally use as a fuel saving device. We would, however, never, ever suggest that Tmac's injuns would not be available on demand. (He gets in a right proper snit and gets pretty handy with his drifter) The best way to stay on his good side is to provide him a constant supply of Black Bush -- partly supplied now by a full header tank on the Monkey Island which he can access with his own shut off cock. We used to pour it down the voice pipe for him, but that wasn't so precise a method.