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An old seaman was in a restaurant when the waitress asked what he would like. "I'd love a quickie" he said and received a hard slap across the face. "Now what do you really want" asked the waitress "I said I'd love a quickie" to which he received and even harder slap. Deciding to give him one last chance she said "for the last time what would you like?" and again he said "I told you I'd love a quickie"... disgusted she stormed off to fetch the manager to throw the seaman out. As she left a customer at the next table who had observed all that had happened leant over and said "I think it's pronounced quiche"
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Oul scabby knuckles 
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried
Anything God didn't create was made by engineers.
I try so hard to make things idiot proof but they keep making better idiots 
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