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An old seaman is up in court charged with several counts of rape, sexual assault, lewd behaviour and drunkenness. The usher asks how do you plead and only receives a slight croak in reply. "Speak up man" shouts the judge. "Your honour my client has a very bad case of laryngitis and has lost his voice"... "well would he like to suck on a Fisherman's Friend?" enquires the judge to which the barrister replies "Do you not think he is in enough trouble as it is?"
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Oul scabby knuckles 
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried
Anything God didn't create was made by engineers.
I try so hard to make things idiot proof but they keep making better idiots 
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