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Again, talking of cats and dogs, an old Liverpool joke.........:
A burly docker, Pat, comes home after a double shift at Canada and Huskisson. He's sweaty dirty and very, very hungry.
He sits down at the table in the kitchen and says:
"Love, I'm starving. What's for dinner?"
"Beans on toast", says his wife, rather sheepishly.
"BLUDDY 'ELL!", exclaims the docker,"We've eaten beans on toast for the last two weeks!"
"Sorry, Luv", says his wife,"It's just that everything is so expensive and we don't have a lot of money to spare".
The docker gets up, puts his hand in his pocket and pulls out some money, putting it on the table.
"Look Luv. I worked a double header today. Here's some extra money. I want to see meat and two veg on the table tomorrow night". He sits down and says,"Now, give me my bluddy beans".
The next day, the wife picks up the extra cash off the table and goes out to the shops. She is in a bit of a panic as she isn't the best of cooks and can't decide what to buy for dinner.
Just then, she runs into an old friend. The friend sees the tears in her eyes and asks,"What's up pet?".
The wife tells her about the lack of money, her husband's ultimatum and her lack of culinary skill.
"Don't worry, Pet. Do what I do - Buy a can of dog food, some carrots and a couple of potatoes. You can make a hash, casserole, stew, scouse, every day and it's very cheap. Your fella will love it! Don't worry, our Frank does and I've been giving him the same thing for years!".
The wife thanks her friend and finds that she can stock up for over a week with the extra money. She goes home and cooks up the ingredients. When the docker comes home, he says,"What's that smell? It's smells delicious!"
The docker sits at the table and his wife serves him a plate of steaming stew. The docker is well pleased and compliments his wife.
This goes on for a couple of weeks and, once again at the shops, the wife runs into her friend.
"So, how's it going, Pet?" asks the friend.
The wife smiles,"Ta, luv for the tip. Are Pat is well pleased. Every night, he comes in and I serve him the spuds, carrots and dog food in a different way and he is well pleased!"
"Great!", says the friend,"Keep it up".
A few weeks pass. The friend runs into the wife at the shops. The wife is all in black and tearful.
"What's wrong?" asks the friend.
"Oh! It's Pat, he's dead!!", says the wife.
"OH NO! What happened? An accident at work", asks the friend.
"No", says the wife,"He was run over by a bus!".
"Run over by a bus? How?", asks the friend.
"Well", said the wife,"Pat had just left work and saw his bus coming. He ran to cross the road to catch it".
"What happened though, did he trip, slide, fall or something?", asked the friend.
"No. When he got to the middle of the road, he sat down to lick his dick and the 22 bus just ran over him!"
Rgds.
Dave
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